blah, blah, blah

What I'm loving
- looking at snow

- day out to city for camp AGM without kids

- long distance phone calls from people who love me

- playdates

- playdates for mom to go to, after bedtime for children

- giggling and good conversation at said playdates

- picking myself a new pair of 'pretty' winter boots

- starting Christmas baking

- potty trained children

What I'm not loving

- snow still falling, without snow tires on van yet

- having to shelve much anticipated travel plans for a variety of reasons (pout pout)

- our bathroom looking like a scene out of Psycho this week, as two children have bathtub related injuries

- persistent health issues, without good explanation or doctor support to help solve

- working hard, but no results.

- not feeling the love

- feeling cranky about these things

just a few things I've heard people say lately that make me pause.

- "I get the flu shot every year. I used to get a couple of bad colds every winter, but I don't after getting the flu shot". last time I checked, the flu shot doesn't protect against the common cold, either you had a mild flu that you didn't get, you 'got lucky', or you probably worked harder at hand washing, which is really your best line of defense against getting anything.

- "my child is constipated, and has been since they started rice cereal, do you think it could be related?" "yes, it could be, it's so full of iron and no fiber, maybe try cutting it out and see if it gets better" "but I can't cut it out, she needs to eat it or she won't sleep at night!" cereal = sleep has been disproved, and rice cereal has very little nutritional benefit and IS constipating for many little ones. better to go with some fruit or veggies, like avocado or peaches.

- "my son is only 10 months, but his legs look so squished up rear-facing in his car seat. I think I should turn him around" as I told this mom, no matter how squished his legs look, little ones are much more bendy than adults are. What would cramp up our legs isn't quite the same to a baby. He's safer rear facing until at LEAST one year AND 20 pounds AND able to pull up to a stand on his own. Even if his legs were folded right up, he'd be safer in a collision rear facing, even if his leg broke - a broken leg is easier to fix than a spinal or brain injury.

- "my granddaughter always wanted to be a princess for halloween, but she has red hair, so she couldn't wear a pink dress" um, what? poor kid!

mommy hats and art

Last night, there was an arts evening here in town. Free admission, wine and cheese, and local artists displaying their artwork. It was a wonderful evening to go out to.

I know that I've been feeling really inspired lately to do something artistic. Photography, painting, I don't quite know what. I'm just feeling a need to express myself more creatively. Seeing the art last night was inspiring, and encouraging to me to nurture that creative spark within. The question is more how, though.

I had a couple of great conversations there too. About random things, pretty paintings, if the woman who did the beautiful stained glass would notice if we stole it (kidding, kidding). I ran into a woman that I'm developing a friendship with (J), and we had a really lovely talk. Beyond basic things like what our kids were doing, and mom stuff, but about bigger things. Like how it's so easy to "wear hats". The hat of being my kids mom, of being my husband's wife. How easy it is to become known as who part of who we are related to as opposed to who we are. The expectations placed on us by being someone's wife - especially when one's husband works in an area where *your* knowledge is assumed to exist because of *his* work, something both J and I deal with as pastor and farmer wives. The strangeness of not really feeling like your personality, your choices are fully your own as a stay at home mom. The struggle to remember what else defined you before children.

Through that discussion, it was so very nice to know that I'm not the only woman struggling with the same concerns. I'm not the only mom who wonders where *she* went some days. I'm not the only mom who sometimes realizes that days have gone by without much meaningful adult conversation. I'm not the only woman who wants to be known for who she is instead of who she is connected to.

It's not that I don't want to be Rob's wife, or the kids' mom. I want to be Kristin. Kristin who is the wife and mother...but is also the woman. I'm more than the sum of the 'family parts' around me, even on days it doesn't feel like it. To a certain extent, I know I can't escape it, but I don't have to define myself that way either. My brain hasn't atrophied since giving birth, even if it's harder to express a coherent thought some days. Yes, parenting and it's choices are a bit thing I think and talk about - can't avoid it, as it is a large part of my daily life, but it's not the only thing I think about.

I just really enjoyed fleshing some of that out with another mom who is in the same place, we walk in similar shoes...or would that be drive similar vans?

Maybe I just need to pull out my paints and let my mind wander.

waiting

I'm now in waiting mode. Saw the doc today. He affirmed that my thyroid sounded nutty, so wrote up the blood work req. Then we chatted about my knee. I showed him where it hurt, and what aggravated it. He poked and wiggled, pressed and bent and sent me for x-rays. He said it sounded like a bone issue as opposed to muscle. Ick.

Then I headed off the hospital for the lab work. I've never been in and out of an appointment quite so fast before! They are so good at the hospital lab, really, the woman who does the blood work is so great, I don't even feel it. The x-ray guy was really nice too.

Now I wait, and hope that something turns up abnormal, not because I want things to be wrong, but it would at least explain things better.

frustration

I posted earlier about my trainer. I'm seeing him 3 times a week, and he kicks my behind every time.

I'm also going to aquafit at the local pool, also three times a week.

I also am doing exercise videos at home.

I'm eating pretty much weight watchers style, with a few blips here and there (like Mike's wedding...hello dessert table! It was good that we walked by that table to get to the buffet, guess who had salad for dinner?)

But the weight is barely budging. To the point that I'm getting very frustrated. I know that it takes a body time to lose weight, blah, blah, blah. But really, if you saw how hard I was working, how much effort I'm putting in, you would understand why I'm frustrated.

I'm going to be getting my thyroid tested this week. I have enough other things pointing to it being out of whack, but this weight stall is a huge sign. My body dropped 10 pounds over 10 weeks, but is holding on so tightly to every pound right now, it's ridiculous. Maddening. Not to mention depressing and sad-making.

It's enough to drive a girl to cheesecake.

been some time

It's been a while since I've posted. Life goes by quickly these days.

We had a road trip to BC for Mike and Maritza's wedding. We only took R with us, and the other two stayed with my mom at our house. It was a great trip. Catching up with old friends, making new ones, getting to finally see Mike get married. It's been a long time since he was best man at our wedding, and Rob finally got to return the favor. Great time, for sure. Good to be home though, missed the older kids, and was glad to sleep in my own bed again.

I've got a lot of things going on in my head, and lots of blog post ideas, but nothing seems to get out of my head and out of my fingers these days. Not always a bad thing.

so, I should just come out with it

I'm seeing someone. His name is Jesse.

3 times a week, we have a standing date. He is a bit mean though, and he often makes me do things I would rather not do. He pushes me too. I'm learning to like it. It also gets pretty hot.

Oh, gosh people. He's my trainer!

Yes, I'm seeing a personal trainer. My friend Melissa and I are seeing Jesse for a workout 3 times a week. He's tough, but it's a great workout. He's martial arts-based, so we do lots of kicking an punching, as well as strength training (insert "Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting" here) I've been keeping this pretty much on the down-low for the last month, but I'm really enjoying it. Also, now Melissa's brother and his buddy are joining our class, which keeps costs lower for us all. They started tonight. I am really pleased to say that I managed to totally kick their behinds. Not bad for a woman 10 years older than they are! That made my night.

ideas percolating

Norah's 3rd birthday party was today. It was wonderful, busy, loud and sugary. All things that a 3 year old's birthday party should be.

Today, at her party, I received some outside confirmation/affirmation on some ideas that have been percolating in my head for a while now. Ideas that my friend Melissa and I have been playing with. I think this may have been a sign of steps that should be taken, to actually put some thoughts to action, to be bold and move forward.

It's exciting.

Stay tuned for future development....

timing and provision

We've been trying to really bang out a budget here. On paper, we shouldn't be having money be as tight as it's been. We shouldn't be as behind as we were getting. Then I crunched the numbers, are realized that with two parties in three months earlier this year, plus other 'fun' things like meals out on trips to the city (and, ahem, alcohol consumption up significantly with the summer heat), we were spending 3 times what we thought we were on food and drink. 3 times. Let that sink in a bit.

As a result of that shocking discovery for May and July (June wasn't that bad, nor was August), we are making cutbacks and tightening the financial control a bit.

We've been coasting along since then, and doing alright. Still feeling the pinch, especially with Norah's birthday and party this weekend.

Then I got the mail on Friday. Apparently, we picked up a photo-generated ticket while visiting my mom last month. And by "we", it was actually Rob. He didn't come to a 'complete, total stop' while at a red light, and we got dinged. Apparently, it's an intersection where the city is 'making a killing', and he did stop, just not long enough. BAH. It's a BIG ticket. A ticket that had us thinking we were going to be putting the groceries on the credit card for this half of the month. I was cranky about it, as was Rob - who was also rather sheepish about the mistake.

Well, imagine our surprise yesterday. Someone stopped by yesterday to drop off some cards for Rob and the church, thank yous for the funeral that was done this weekend. Inside the card for Rob was a (very unexpected) cheque. For the amount of the ticket, PLUS the new PS2 Hockey game that Rob was wanting. *as an aside, Rob buys one PS2 game a year, and this is the one, so it's hardly an addiction or expensive hobby*. Wow.

Thanks, God, for your provision when we were just starting to worry. The game was just a bonus. :)

GAH!

Know what makes me CRAZY???

when you bake/cook something, have it be a huge hit, decide to make it again....and can't find the recipe!

anyone know where my banana muffin recipe is? anyone?

adventures in gardening

there has been an on-again, off-again frost warning hovering around town lately. I took that as my sign that summer was over, and it was time to "harvest the garden".

Note to self: next summer, less tomato plants, spaced further apart. Buy the tomato staking cages *when you see them*, don't wait until later, when you can't find them and try bamboo stakes instead, which don't hold up to a couple of seriously windy days/storms and blow over, making your tomatoes turn into a matted mess of vines all over the ground.

After picking up the boy from school, the kids and I all headed out to the yard to pick vegetables/ride bikes/fight/throw sand/annoy mom. I should have remembered that I still need mosquito spray, even if it's getting cold, so I don't die from West Nile Virus (roll eyes, but I still got bit) My tomatoes were everywhere, and were a total mess. A very productive mess, but still a mess. I had to really work hard at pulling the (still very green) tomatoes off the vines, while weeding out the ones that were icky because of the vines sitting on the ground. I was filling up my large bowls at a speed that I didn't quite believe. All while trying to remind the girls that I was not in swing pushing mode, that they would have to wait until dad finished mowing the front lawn.

Tomatoes everywhere. Tomatoes beyond my wildest dreams. Tomatoes that should ripen, eventually...I hope. Lots still in the garden too - the icky ones.

I picked the peppers. My yellow peppers were much bigger than the red peppers. However, colour is a moot point, as August wasn't warm enough for them to change colour anyhow, and they are all still very green. I don't think they will change colour, like the tomatoes will. Lots of peppers, so that was exciting.

My zucchini plants seem to have tapered off...I think. That's taken care of. The last honeydew was picked. It was small, but I picked it anyhow, didn't want the frost to steal it away.

note to self: less zucchini plants next year, and don't forget to pick zukes before going away for a week - 5+ pound zukes aren't as nice to eat. Also, don't plant zukes too close to pumpkins.

Then it came time for the pumpkins.

What can I say? The zucchini plants are aggressive and took over a lot of the garden. The pumpkin plants tried to hold their own, weaving around the bases of the sunflowers, but ultimately retreated. Under the fence. There were at least 2 pumpkins on the other side of the fence. Unfortunately, the neighbors behind us do not seem to exist/ever go outside/speak English, and also have a closed off yard that one cannot sneak into. So I decided (in my infinite wisdom *roll eyes*) to climb the fence.

I am scared of heights. Wait, specifically, I'm afraid of falling from heights, and a 5 foot chain link fence does indeed count as a height. Just like the top of the dishwasher was when I worked at Starbucks. I grab the ladder, and an accomplice (Rob, who has now finished mowing the lawn, and has been roped into being chief swing pusher) and decide to go over. Well, I sure didn't pick a good spot to climb over. You would think that if one were to climb a chain link fence, one would decide to do so where there is a support bar, you know, like there is every 10 feet? No, not me. As I climbed up the ladder and got to the top of the fence, I realized that I could step down onto the fence, both because it wouldn't be comfortable on my feet, and that where I was (right in the middle of two support bars), it was wobbly. When faced with a wobbly footing, I'm likely to fall. Falling isn't my strong suit. Somehow, I managed to hang myself over the fence, by holding the ladder, and dropped down into the neighbor's yard.

When then made me feel like a criminal. Even though I was getting MY OWN pumpkins, in broad daylight, just being in a neighbor's fenced yard felt very, very wrong. I managed to pick the pumpkins, hand them back over the fence to Rob, and pull out the vines that had migrated under the fence to toss them back into our yard.

Then I remembered that I had to get back into our yard. Couldn't go around, because I could get out of the backyard. Had to go over. I pulled the ladder over the fence, and climbed back up. This time, I moved the ladder over so that I was able to stand on the supporting bar. Smart move...except that this time I chose to jump down. Um, not so smart. 5 feet down didn't seem like such a bad idea until I did it. Silly me

So, my house is filled with produce, some ready to eat, others not. I have learned a lot from my first year of gardening. Including lessons like I don't like to weed, cucumbers are hard to grow, and tomatoes can indeed be too much of a good thing.

another funeral week

A woman who was very loved in our church has died. She was a wonderful woman, and was the first person to welcome us to town when we moved here. Her daughter in law is a friend of mine. I'm just feeling sad. Not that she has died, because she was ready to die, in all sorts of ways - mentally, physically and spiritually ready. No, I'm more sad because her family will be missing her. There are some things to be worked out between her children, and some big feelings they will need to deal with. I'm sad that they will need to consider moving along without her, without the personality and spunk she brought to life.

I can only hope that when my time on this earth draws to an end that I am able to consider the end as not just the end, but a new beginning. That I may be gracious and loving right up to the end.

As well, selfishly and silly, I hope that someone will look at my life and who I was and miss me too.

hello/goodbye

Spent yesterday in the 'big city' while Rob had a clergy day. Actually, this city isn't the real big city, but it is a city. Was counting on a nicer day weather-wise. Toted about wet kids after we had some park time. I must really be far enough gone from Vancouver to not consider packing rain pants everywhere.

The main reason I tagged along for a loooonnnggg day on the road was the party at the Bishop's house that night. For starters, we don't get out to such things often. It's nice to do it, especially when there are no commitments holding us home, and we are still 'pre-snow'. As it is, I'm not a real big fan of night driving here - it's SO dark and isolated...aside from the animals one tries to avoid hitting. The other reason being that the party was partially held to say goodbye to a clergy family from our diocese.

Not just any clergy family though. This priest is particularly special to us, and is a part of our journey to get to (exactly) where we are today. He married us some 11 years ago, and was instrumental in nudging Rob and letting him know that the direction he was feeling led to head in wasn't all bad. His family was a part of our lives, way back when, and now they are leaving our cold, cold part of the world for somewhere else. I was so blessed to get to spend time with his wife, and chat about life back then, and life here and now. I had a huge shock when a good looking, tall, young man entered the house and I realized that this was indeed their youngest child. No longer age 6 and stomping about the church in rubber boots, carrying a stick, and telling himself stories, but all grown up. Crazy.

It was so lovely seeing G, P and L again. Sad to see them leaving, and I did tear up a bit when hugging them goodbye. We may not have seen them much since moving here - distance and all - but I will miss them. I wish them well in their new posting, and that their new posting would be a blessing to their family.

As an aside, the drive home was longer than anticipated because of serious fog. At least it was road-kill free. :)

the land of what??

I shared this story with a friend last night, and he found it very funny, so I thought I would share here.

On our travels the last few weeks, we went through the town of Tisdale, Saskatchewan. For those familiar with "Corner Gas", it's where the creator of the show, Brent Butt, is from. (by the way, Corner Gas is apparently going to be airing in the US on Superstation WGN starting Sept. 10. look for it and laugh about the province I live in...) Tisdale also used to be knows as Doghide, for the Doghide river that flows through town.

Anyhow, Tisdale is home to the "world's largest honeybee". I was hoping we would have time to stop and take a picture, but no luck. Tisdale, however, has the strangest "welcome to town" sign I have ever seen. You know how most towns have a "welcome to *town x*" sign, followed by a town motto. Things like "where the prairie meets the pine" or "industry - integrity - progress". Oh no, not Tisdale. Tisdale's motto is "the land of rape and honey". Well, doesn't that just make you want to stay home at night and keep your doors locked? Seriously?

Oh, and for the record, if you didn't know, rape is the old term for Canola. But seriously, if you can change the town name at some point in time, you could update the signs. Not everyone knows the old term for canola, and it is hardly a great tourism move to keep that motto, don't you think?

reflections on changes

I'm in the midst of doing late summer/early fall 'harvesting'. I've been working at doing things with my garden produce, which is rather plentiful, and other fruits/veggies on hand. I'm freezing 20 pounds of peaches tomorrow, and need to grate up yet another mammoth zucchini for the freezer. Today, I baked bread and cookies for Isaac's lunch box.

Such a change from when Rob and I married. Back then, I wasn't much of a cook at all. I could do basics - spaghetti, lasagna, hamburger helper. I didn't really have the ease in the kitchen that I now do. It's really easy for me to whip up something tasty, easy and healthy without much effort. I make my own pizza crust because I prefer it to store bought, not just for economic reasons. I prefer homemade bread to store bought. I'm doing things I never imagined I would be, and enjoying them.

Beyond just food though (although food is great!), I feel that I've changed so much over the last 10 years or so. I'm more confident about some things, less stressed about others. More capable at a lot of things, yet need to show the world my abilities less than I used to...I'm less demanding of the spotlight and attention. I guess in some ways I'm more grown up, more myself than I used to be.

Being a mom was a huge contributing factor to change, naturally. It's actually sad that there are parenting philosophies out there that promote the idea that parenting doesn't change you. It does - it needs to change you. Becoming a mother has changed so much of my heart and my mind, I can't imagine liking myself as much if I hadn't gone through the changes of parenthood. Not to say that non-parents aren't likeable ;) but that *I* really appreciate the refining and changing that being a mom has brought into my life. I do like parts of myself more...and am so much more aware of the parts that aren't so great - it's hard to hide those bits when dealing with small children all day. I'm rather aware of my shortcomings...which is also a good thing. Make them easier to reflect on, work on and deal with when you can't hide them as easily.

It just makes me wonder how much more change I will go through in the next 10 years. How much more different aspects of my personality will look in a decade or two. What events life will throw at me that will bring about change, facilitate change, or even force it.

I wonder how much the people around me have changed, would I see it in them like I see it in myself? Would they see it in me?

Have *you* changed? What brought change into your life?

whirlwind week

whew! It's been *such* a week. I can't believe it's almost September already. Isaac was at my mom's last week, and I headed down with the girls on Wednesday afternoon. Rob came down that night, as he needed the car in town, and had loose ends to tie up here with some funeral arrangements.

We shopped - yay for all the back to school sales. Kids are set for fall and into winter, barring any major growth spurts. We drank coffee - yay Starbucks at hand. We had a date - yay grandmothers. We even had a little road trip/overnighter. Rob had to be at an ordination service on the other side of the province on Friday night, and we ended up going together, taking Ruby along AND overnighting at J and D's place enroute. D is another priest in the diocese, and J is his lovely wife with some mad quilting skills. They have 2 lovely little boys, and it was so nice to have a (quick) visit with them. I hope we can return the favour some day for them.

Now, I'm all caught up in the blur of the last few days before Fall. Although, while driving home yesterday, I did see some trees with leaves in colours that weren't just green. :/ Then I also saw some geese flying south. Rather ominous, if you ask me.

Isaac is in bed, hopefully asleep. He's awfully excited about starting Kindergarten tomorrow. I'm kind of excited too, but more in that sick feeling in the tummy kind of way. I can't believe he's starting school. He's got the new backpack, fresh labels on all his stuff, and an outfit picked out already. I've just baked some muffins for the parent orientation thing tomorrow, and I think I'm just about as ready as I can be for that first day. I just hope it stops raining, rain makes for less than pretty first day pictures.

woo hoo - a date!

a lovely date with a handsome man...who just happens to be the man I'm married to. I got to wear a dress and makeup, and we strolled to the car and back holding hands. We don't do that often, so it's a real treat.

The babysitter was great too - all 3 kids were asleep when we got home. Thanks, mom.

Is there any sound in the world that sounds more like "summer at the lake" than the *thwack* of a screen door?

We had a lovely week and a bit vacation at a cabin "up at the lake" this past week. It was great, even though the weather was less than cooperative. It only rained one day, but was way too cold for August thankyouverymuch. I've never had to run space heaters so consistently in August before. At least the breezy days kept the bugs to a minimum.

Digging in sand, wading in cold water, watching your smallest child attempt and succeed at climbing that should be beyond her ability, some great ice cream, mini-golf, walks, Scrabble, coffee and conversation. What a great week. I am so thankful for the cabin loan.

Good thing I didn't fully succeed at burning it down....let's just say that Kristin had another little kitchen mishap involving a small grease fire in the oven. for the record, it cleaned up beautifully.

more stay at home thoughts

I've been struggling these days with wanting to be out of the house more. The idea of working again has been tempting some days. Then I realize how totally impractical it is. A week of working Vacation Bible School - only half days! - and I'm so beat, and my house is showing it. I've been gone from Ruby more than usual, and that's been hard too. I'm tired, and I can't imagine doing it every week. Throw in that we can't afford the daycare, and it would be so SO silly for me to consider working again. We've never had the option of having family care for our kids, and even here, where prices are cheaper, daycare costs would pretty much cancel out any salary I would earn.

My hat is off to women who are able to balance work and kids. It must be so hard.

Not to mention I've seen a couple of our local daycare workers in action. I'd rather my kids be with me, I know them and love them better than any daycare provider could. Some of these women I've observed have been really great with the kids, but I can't say the same for all of them. Not that they are horrible, they aren't. They aren't quite the same as mom, and that's a good reminder why I am home.

I can get over myself having a bad day at home, or feeling like I'm a touch bored from time to time. That's ok. I can deal. I also love not having to follow someone else's schedule for my time, and that is a HUGE plus. Some days, it's hard not to look at the "other side of the fence" and wonder what it would be like.

August blahs

There is something about August that always gives me a case of the 'blahs'. Maybe it's because the return of Fall is closer at hand. Could be because the days are getting shorter, and the evenings are often cooler - at least they were in BC. It just feels like summer goes by way too quickly, and this is the month where everything starts to get a bit brown (because we don't really 'do' lawn watering) and the crispness of Fall shows it's face. Last summer, we vacationed in August, but that really didn't change the blahs.

This August is no exception. My firstborn starts school in a matter of weeks. He's excited, and I'm of mixed emotions about it. I think the first day of school is the 28th. So soon, too soon. Starting Kindergarten introduces us to a whole new world. Not just school, and all that comes with it, but a new way for our family to be ruled by the calender. We worked our way around Rob's and my student days by following the semesters of school and I was so glad when that ended. Now, we're getting back into it. The school board puts out the dates of school, and we are supposed to play along. That puts a damper on impromptu trips to the city, or skipping out on stuff and having a pj day for all the kids. I don't like having to be tied to a schedule not of my own making.

I really want to do some serious decluttering and reorganizing. I want to have a yard sale and sell off all this baby stuff that is cluttering up my laundry room. I want to really clean out my kitchen cupboards. There just hasn't been TIME. Between the kids, things we have committed to this summer, the heat wave we've been in, and just enjoying life, it's not really been a possibility. Also, I just don't want to really DO it, because that would involve admitting that September is just around the corner. Sooner than I would like, these hot days and long sunsets will end and I'll be looking towards another loooong stretch of snow and cold.

See why I have the blahs?

Brilliant!

A woman I *know* (read: online) and respect has finally decided to compile some of her very wise words into a blog. It's about time.

Yes, I know what causes this, and we're good at it!

jumble of thoughts

Friend of mine in town here had her baby (girl) early this week. She was hoping to have her early, and did. Good news. Then, we got a call today that a member of Rob's extended family has died. Bad news. Also, the news that another extended family member is ill.

So often, it seems, that a birth and a death in people's lives tend to go hand in hand. Take Roo's birth, within a day of my grandmother's death. Richard (the family member who died) was actually our first visitor in our little home here. He leaves behind a wife and a teenaged son. A filmmaker by trade, he never got to finish his legacy project, the film about the family bishop.

Just another reminder that we can plan our lives out to the minute...but our plans are just that - plans. We don't get the final say on how things work out. We don't get to decide exactly how our lives play out. That reality doesn't take away our responsibility to make choices that set us up for good things - education, savings accounts, RRSP/RESP accounts, whatever. We can say dumb things like "I'll never live in Saskatchewan" to friends, and have them laugh at you a few years down the road while you pack moving boxes.

Do I know what life will look like in 2, 5, 10 years? Not really. I have my ideas, our dreams and thoughts...but we don't know for sure. A life-changing phone call is always a possibility. A diagnosis of something unexpected, or a strange bend in the road can sneak up on us at any time.

It's a very good reminder that we aren't in control. My slight control freak self doesn't like that thought, but it is a reality. However, knowing that God is in control, that brings peace. There is peace in knowing that when we are believers, that death here on earth isn't the end. That there is more to come. That is hopeful, encouraging and uplifting in the times that aren't quite so good.

I don't know where everyone's hearts lie, what the "state of their soul" is...but I do know that facing the harder times is easier to bear when you have hope in the one who created the world, sent his son, and brought eternal life. Amen for that!

guess whose brother was out to visit?

can you see the family resemblance?

well, check this out

My first 'harvest'! Yes, I have had a zucchini from the garden already, but this was the first time getting two at once!

Note the kleenex box to show scale.

Now I don't want to go to camp, because my garden is about to produce. :) My cherry tomatoes are turning color, my zucchinis are growing, the strawberries are about to produce a new crop. I don't want to miss out. Now I need to figure out how to deal with all my flowers while we're gone too.

on inlaws

My life as a daughter in law has never been that easy. From the moment Rob and I were dating, my mother in law (MIL) and I haven't often seen eye to eye. hmmm, maybe because I'm so much taller (giggle). I've worked with it, dealt with it, tried to be the best daughter in law I could be.

But I'm just done. Done. I'm beyond making an effort anymore. Yes, that may make me sound petty, but whatever. I need to really just step back and not try anymore, set a boundary to keep me from being hurt more.

I'm tired of feeling like our family doesn't matter to the inlaws. I'm tired of our kids blog being a replacement for relationship. I'm just tired. When you are married for 11 years, and your inlaws still can't recall when you got married, or even how to spell your name, it's probably a sign that it's not a bad time to take a break from making the effort.

blah

oh, ETA - they did call on Rob's birthday. for the first time since March.

gone with the wind

Every time we have a party here, it seems, we get some strange weather. Our first April here, it snowed on Isaac's birthday, the following year it blew a rainstorm in during his party, this year we were forced to move the party inside because the wind was gusting so badly we couldn't open our back door.

Today was no exception. After days of heat and low breezes, we had a cooler day (yay!). Perfect for Rob's birthday "fiesta" party. Everything was
ready, and people were arriving. Fun was being had by the large quantity of children (things really change party-wise post kids). I got our taco bar ready for supper...and the wind turned up a LOT. We couldn't sit outside anymore, because everything was blowing away!




So, like at Isaac's 5th party, we moved inside. We didn't have quite as many people tonight, only 15 kids and 11 adults. Still, it was pretty crazy getting the kids to picnic on the kitchen floor. Fun though. Oh, and we did the pinata with the kids inside. I was very thankful that I had bought a pinata that had a ribbon option, so no small children (Isaac was the oldest) needed to wield a broomstick in order to gain candy. Lots of fun. (yes, I am wearing a princess tiara, it's one of the girls' ones)













It was good. Very good. I was happy that Carolyn liked the drink I styled after the one she served at D's birthday this week better than the one she had. I was thrilled that so many of our newer friends came out to help celebrate Rob's day. Thrilled that we have more playdates lined up. Even more thrilled that Billie helped me clean up "because I wouldn't want you to get too tired, so you will have more of these great parties". Good food (or so I was told *wink*), good conversation, good times. We may just be finding our home here yet.

summer days

Lazy summer days are here. Isaac slept in until 9:30 this morning, when Rob went in to wake him up. We linger in the yard, kids playing while I weed the garden. (will the weeding ever end?) After lunch and some attempts at naps (ha!), the children and I head out to a birthday party. A lovely, low-key yard party for a just turned 2 year old girl. Cake is ignored for watermelon slices and juice. Moms giggle over frozen strawberry slush, which could only be better with vodka (did I just say that?). Despite layering sunscreen, the sun kisses our skin and warms our skin tones. The sun sets late, and the living room is sweaty hot in the evenings. A cold drink is a blessing on days like this.

Rob's birthday is tomorrow. We're off on a day trip for some shopping - mainly stuff for our week at camp (what? how did I become the craft director?) and VBS. A lunch out is in the plans, as is running the kids like mad at a park. I have a small birthday party in the works for Saturday evening. Scratch that, it's going to be bigger than that. Hopefully it goes well, and that people show up. I'm doing things on the "last minute fly" here. A Mexican Fiesta theme, with a pinata for the kids.

Speaking of Rob's birthday, a small package arrived for him today. the first contact aimed in our direction in 3 months...or is it 4 now? Perhaps a phone call will follow tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. In the package were two small 'assembly required' vehicles, of the paint your own variety. I'm guessing they were for the kids, or maybe just Isaac as they are indicated for a 5+...on the other hand, we have 3 children. hmm.

Happy Canada Day!

Our town does very, very little to commemorate this day. So we planned our own fun. My mom is up for the weekend, and we decided to plan a picnic. The village where Rob has his smaller church does a Canada Day parade and events, including fireworks. We thought a picnic on the beach, followed by the parade was a good call. Fireworks would start way too late for my crew, given the long summer nights.

A few bumps in the road. Rob now is dealing with the illness that sidetracked our children over the last 2 weeks. He actually had to cancel one church service (at our church without running water), and called for backup here in town. So we didn't have Rob with us, but we pressed on!

A picnic is a lovely thing on a warm, sunny day at the beach. It would have been even better if I remembered to bring swimsuits. Not that inadequate dress stopped my children. I was glad to remember extra clothes, at least. They all splashed and paddled in the shallow, warm water on the sandy beach. They even ate a bit of food.

Then they greatly enjoyed the (somewhat short) parade, especially the candy being thrown from the floats. You know you are in a small town when one of the biggest floats is commemorating the 50th wedding anniversaries of 2 couples in town. Waving little Canada flags, and cheering, they had a wonderful day in the sunshine. Two out of three fell asleep on the way home. Soon enough, they will be old enough to stay up for fireworks too.

not getting along with produce

why oh why is all my produce going off on me lately? mold, mush, ick, goo...blah! Yesterday, it was strawberries and a watermelon half. Today, 3 tomatoes that were earmarked for Greek salad. The other day it was a cucumber (and with the rate we go through cucumbers this is shocking!). Frustrating.

Speaking of ick and goo, it's now day *11* of on and off vomiting from the kids. They are mostly taking turns, until last night when the girls decided to go in tandem. Isaac had a couple of days of being feverish, and now it's Norah's turn. I'm worried that I'm next.

On a related note, the Bryers company is pure, pure EVIL. Strawberry ice cream is so, so good, and I wish it wasn't on sale this week at the Co-op.

On another related note, I 'harvested' my first zucchini today. It's cute, and I can't wait to bbq it up tomorrow. Now I have to go to bed, because odds are someone will wake me up at 1:30 am.

life with littles

There have been some interesting times in our home lately.

Isaac is playing around with a new-found aggressive streak, which challenges me in ways I never dreamed of. I need to find ways to help my little man-child learn to exert his desire to go faster, further, harder. I'm often at a loss as to how to process what he's doing, and to keep up with him. I also feel badly that he often gets the least of me in the day, as he is rapidly becoming so very able to do things on his own. Then he will climb into my lap and say "my body is telling me that I need a snuggle".

Norah has had a language explosion that takes my breath away. Sentences like "perhaps if I got a ladder and climbed up the tree, I could see the birds better" or "do you know that I'm using my imagining right now and that I'm not really a princess?" are commonplace here. Her use of such complex words combined with her grasp of the subtle nuances of our language is shocking to me. Yet she has no desire to use the potty. Given that Isaac was slower on the language front, I'm just stunned by Norah on a near-daily basis. She recalls song lyrics that we haven't heard in weeks, recounts the intricacies of Dora the Explorer plots, and is very good at timing a "I love you" when she senses that mom is going to enforce a boundary.

Ruby, 'the baby', is less baby-like every day. She is trying with all her might to keep up with the siblings. She climbs, runs, jumps and self-dresses. A cheesy grin is pulled out whenever she catches your eye at mealtime, she is a natural clown. Typical of her year and a halfness, she is quick to meltdown when thwarted from, oh, say whacking her sister with a book or climbing on the kitchen table, or when she can't fit two legs in one pantleg. She's a little chatter too, and loves to point out motorcycles, dogs, balls and hats..and will point them out with increasing volume until you acknowledge her. I love watching her grow, but am often struck with how bittersweet her growing up is. Her 19 months seem to have passed faster than her sibling's did. I don't get it. How does that happen?

There are so many wonderful moments with them. Which is wonderful at making up for the nights they spend throwing up (or worse...don't ask), or driving you crazy because they just. don't. stop. at. all. for. 10. minutes. already!

Much as there are days that seem to knock me flat, I cherish the golden, precious moments when I wouldn't trade them for all the venomous snakes in the world (who often seem less difficult to take grocery shopping).

Summer!

It is now officially summer. The days are as long as they are going to get, and late sunsets are here. It looks like our summer is going to be a busy one, which will bring lots of excitement and (hopefully) good memories. The garden is growing, including a pile of weeds that I'm forever pulling out and muttering over. We have already 'harvested' a few strawberries, and there is a zucchini that should be ready to slice up and bbq in the next couple of days.




As for summer plans, there are lots. A week at camp. Rob is running a week of VBS in our smaller church. I'm hooked up with the Lutheran church to help run a week of VBS here in town. Rob's brother, his wife and our niece will be spending the good chunk of a week here. Then there is the big event - we've been given use of a cabin at the lake for 10 days in August. woo hoo! I'm so excited about this, and beyond thankful for the chance to use it. This will free up what we were expecting to spend on a cabin rental to now use as airfare to possibly fly out to Vancouver for 2 days in December for N and G's wedding.

I just completed a 2 day course in car seat safety, and provided I passed the written exam, will qualify me to be an official car seat installer/inspector. This will allow me to conduct car seat clinics in town through the association that paid for my training - which I will even be paid for. Not paid much, but enough to fill in some gaps in the budget. :) Let me know if you need your seats checked out! Not to toot my own horn, but during the clinic we ran as a test on Wednesday, we only saw 4 seats that were installed and used correctly...and 3 of them were mine.

I'm already *done* with mosquitoes for the year, but it's only just started. I'm currently on the lookout for something to keep them repelled that doesn't contain DEET or citronella. One is a chemical I hate to put on us all daily, the other makes me wheeze. So far, not much luck. I'm tempted to order something I've found online, but I'm hesitant to buy a lot in case it doesn't pan out for us. I just hate how the kids and I get those huge welts from the little beasts. They are also predicting a big year for the West Nile Virus carrying mosquito species. fun.

Life is moving at warp speed right now, and I'm just shocked that we are almost half way through 2007. I never believed my parents when they told me that years would go so quickly once I was a grown up. I guess that time runs at a different speed when you aren't waiting, counting the days until your next birthday.

a little fyi

I'm taking a blogging break on the kids blog, for an undetermined time. A few reasons behind it, and none of them are 'happy reasons' for me. Just putting the word out here.

they grow too fast

This morning, N woke us up with a knock knock joke.

"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"I" (pointing to her eye)
"I who?"
"Isaac!"
not bad for a not quite 3 year old!

Then, I just sat down next to me. We're talking about what we're going to make for Father's Day dinner. He proceeds to read Mozzarella off the computer screen. Mozzarella! It looks like a good recipe too.

Introvert/extrovert

It would seem as though I live in a family of people who all walk the line between being extroverts and introverts. When Rob and I have done those personality tests, he generally scores slightly higher on the introverted side, and my score pretty much hits the same mark on the extroverted side. We both enjoy being around people and spending time going/doing/whatever, but very much cherish our down time on our own.

Looks like the kids are following in our footsteps.

When we are going going going during the day, and spending time with other people, the kids generally do great. When we get home, however, they will all drift into their own space and unwind before engaging each other in play again. When we are home all day (like today, stuck inside with too much rain), they will play hard together, then step away to regroup with some quiet time. It's nice that we all seem to know what we need. If only I could convince all 3 kids to take their downtime when it was convenient for me. *That* would be nice.

the small, small world

This is really funny to me, but a touch hard to follow.

I did some of my high school in Quebec, grade 8 and 9. During that time, I was friends with N. When I moved to BC, I moved to the town that a boy N knew from birth was living in. Small coincidence.

Then, N and I connect on Facebook. She is currently living in Ontario, where she did her medical school.....with a guy I went to elementary school with in Nova Scotia! He's on her friends list, and it is 100% for sure him. T and I went to Kindergarten through grade 2/3 together in a tiny little town. Just a small, small world.

the love of a good cup

Home from a short trip to mom's. Children's Festival week in S'toon. Saw Sharon and Bram (Lois retired in 2000, in case you were wondering) with the kids. They sung so many of the 'classics'. One Elephant Two Elephants, Peanut Butter Jelly, and more. Of course they closed the show with Skinimarink. We got front row seats and grooved along. Afterwards, we waited in line for autographs on the cd my mom bought the kids, and we had a little photo op. I was a touch starstruck - but can you blame me? I grew up on their records, and saw them in concert a few times myself.

The Children's Festival was fun, lots to see and play with. Got some shopping done for yard stuff (which reminds me I need to go water the garden....). Rob and I even had a (short) coffee date at Starbucks. Where I fell in love. With a coffee mug. I spotted it as we were sitting and talking, and I *had* to have it. So I bought it. :) It was funny though, we had been talking about my frustration over the stuff of life, and how I just wanted to get up and feel energized in the morning when I saw the mug. "hey, walking around the house with that coffee cup would just be wonderful!" I said. So it is now mine. Not that I think that happiness is in a material thing, but a beautiful mug to drink from isn't a bad thing. Oh, and the orange colour? It's exactly the shade I want to paint the kitchen.

I guess I only wrote this post in my mind

because it's not here!

2 near death experiences in one day!

Monday afternoon, I was folding laundry. Felt something on my leg and turned to swat it away, assuming it was a mosquito that had flown in when we were in and out the back door earlier. Nope, no mosquito. Wasp. You know, the things I am very, very allergic to. On. My. Leg. And it was HUGE. I tried a basic swat it away technique, but it didn't move. So I did what any rational woman would have done. I started screaming for my husband to come upstairs and help me. Dear, dear man that he is, came running to my rescue. Got rid of the wasp, and pretty much saved my life. *heart*

then, later that day.

Was downstairs with the kids. Playing some game or other, when I went into the laundry room. Sniffed. Something was wrong. Called Rob again, and we both sniffed. Felt nauseated. Gas leak. Called SaskEnergy, and they sent someone out really quickly. I was actually impressed at how fast they had someone there. He confirmed that we did indeed have a leak. Minor one, but a leak was present. He managed to cut the gas to our furnace (source of the leak), so we are good to go...unless the temperature drops really low and we desire to heat the house. Good timing though, because Rob had his monthy church council meeting that night, so could drop the news that the rectory needs some more work....which is an ongoing story. Apparently, things ran well until we arrived, and the basement started flooding.

All in all, it was an exciting day, and not for all the right reasons.

These are for Mo

Pictures I took while we were on the phone today. You can see the garden in the background - and the field of dandelions behind us :/

Let's plan that trip, shall we? We miss you guys so much!

food for thought

This article from January 2007 in Maclean's magazine is a good reminder as to why Rob and I are so picky about the clothes our kids wear. No 'slogan' shirts or tube tops here.

the garden's contents

I currently have growing out back:

- sunflowers, carrots and peas from seeds
- 2 kinds of pumpkins
- lots of zucchini (fire up the bbq, we *heart* our zukes here)
- a bunch of cucumbers
- red and yellow peppers
- a watermelon
- a honeydew melon
- strawberries
- basil (because I adore it fresh, and can't find it locally)
- tomatoes - 4 kinds! red and yellow tom thumbs, ultra sonics, early girl and first lady. I picked them because I liked the names.

the basil and red and yellow thumbs are in the planters next to the deck.

back up and running

another "my husband's bringing sexy back because he fixed something" post. The laptop is fixed! We no longer are trying to share one computer.

How sad is it that one computer isn't enough?

bah - moving along....thanks also to my dear brother in law for all his long distance tech support. Turns out, the whole hard drive was fried, and Rob put in a new one, restored the photos that could have been lost, and increased my laptop's memory. nice.

The garden!

As of 3:30 this afternoon, the garden is fully planted. Our small assortment of veggies and fruit can now begin to grow. Yum.

Will the domestication of Kristin ever end? Laugh all you want Paul, since you snickered at me over the applesauce canning of 2005 (that would be West Coast Paul, not East coast Paul or extended family Paul...there are a few Pauls out there!)

So happy I can talk about it now

I'm so glad the word is out on a recent engagement. I was bursting with joy.

I was beyond thrilled to get a long distance call from bonny Scotland last weekend to share the news. Way back when I was pregnant with Isaac, and Graham was living in our future 'baby room', I pegged Nathalie as a good match for G...but she was too young at the time. 5 years later and they are now engaged. How fantastic. Now waiting to hear about a wedding date...

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary

how on earth do 11 years go by so quickly? I can't believe we've been married that long, yet it barely feels like any time has passed. However, one can't ignore the 3 children which do add some evidence to the passing of time. I can't imaging spending the past 11 years with anyone else, and still being so much in love and still enjoying the togetherness of being married. *mush, mush*

oh, and about my mother's day gift?

Ya, before people get all envious - it was a one time thing. a one time thing.

which I think is a very, very cruel tease.

the playroom is finally painted!

woo hoo! Visits from my dad are always a good thing. He's much better at getting jobs done than I am.

Now if you haven't been here to visit, these photos won't be quite as fun (so you should fix that and visit...nudge, nudge). However, to add some commentary, we had some Ugly (capital U) dark green walls in various places around our basement. The basement with next to no windows. Nothing says bright and cheery like
very dark green walls. We picked a bright and sunny green, and put it all over the playroom and where the green walls were on the stairs. It's hard to capture the exact green, but I really like it and it's a slightly lighter shade than a bottle of pert plus shampoo. Then we painted (and by we, I mean dad) the remaining white walls white, as nothing quite shows the lack of nice paint like new paint next to it.

For fun, I switched the 'feature' wall in the guest bedroom to a wall that made sense, again, if you've been here you will understand what I'm
talking about. We also managed to have enough white paint to repaint the dresser that arrived in
our home from Rob's childhood bedroom and had seen too many slurpees and lego creations. I'm quite fond of the blue...and please ignore the unmade bed, sheets are currently being washed.

I still need to finish 'dressing' the guest room, and need some shelving in the playroom. But I consider it mostly done. You may also note the beautiful artwork on the playroom walls. The artists are currently sleeping upstairs. :)

I've been wanting to reflect

to ponder and muse over my 5 years as a stay at home mom. To consider deep thoughts and ideas as to what it's like, and why I'm still at it.

then this blog post was brought to my attention. I think she did it for me. Yes, oh yes, there is such truth in her words.

the best mother's day gift ever

I had a great Mother's day, after it not quite starting out that way. Church had some issues, but managed to get through that. The afternoon was lovely, girls napped, Rob kept kids out of my hair so I could do some random and strange cleaning I wanted to do. we had take out from our local Chinese place (which is rather good, considering). We had a great meal together, lots of fun and laughs. Then Rob suggested I go downstairs for some quiet time, and put all three kids to bed. (I originally typed that Rob kicked me downstairs, but that may have come across wrong.) Then he gave me a great backrub - woo hoo!

Homemade cards from the kids, a pair of hanging baskets for the yard, a downloaded cd I was interested in...all good stuff.

However, nothing compared to waking up this morning at 6:30 - by rolling over and realizing that it was just Rob and I in the bed. Ruby slept through the night for the first time ever - and on Mother's day too! I slept from 11 until 6:30, my longest, continuous sleep since before Norah was born! Ahhh, wonderful way to top off Mother's day.

sob...boo hoo

my laptop may be dead. I'm not entirely sure, but it isn't pretty. Rob will be in touch with the family techie in the next couple of days....but I'm very saddened by this development. I can use his computer, but apparently he "needs it to write sermons and the kids are too into stuff in his office" during the daytime. sigh. so selfish of him, don't you think? ;)

At least the weather for the next couple of days is supposed to be nice. May is beautiful here. I should take advantage of it.

why yes, thank you, I am terribly clever

Those who know my beloved and I in real life may not need to be told the following. I am a planner, lover of lists and organizing. He flies by the seat of his pants more often than not, and prefers to go with the flow. I like to tell the flow where to go. To complicate things further, neither of us is a 'doer'. I lack confidence to start most projects that I can plan and organize, and he would rather just wait...and see what happens. Prime example being the first 2 years we were married and had nothing on our living room walls. nothing. I couldn't decide what I liked, and he didn't care.

These facts make our trips to the city rather, well, potentially comical. I keep an ongoing list of what we need, and what store would be best to purchase it in. He would rather wait and see if we may like Canadian Tire's offerings over Home Depot's. Home Depot is the store he would just rather avoid altogether. I have big plans for what I would like our kitchen to look like, our bathroom, our yard - if only money weren't the issue it actually is.

Actually, Home Depot is the setting for this particular story.

I like Home Depot. I like the potential of renovation and improvement, but am not always skilled enough to take the projects on (and let's not even get started on the lack of time...). I like to plan and plot and wish and wonder. He would not. Truth be told, I can hear him rolling his eyes the minute we get into the store. I kid you not, I can hear his eyes rolling at me. He's not an eye roller in my direction often (bless him, for I often deserve it), but Home Depot sets him off like nothing else. So we wandered in to the Depot of all things Home the other day while in the city. I had plans for purchasing things. I had Lists!

On that list was a mini-project even I could complete. And I found my tools, on sale no less, and made the purchase. AND I even did the job last night (at 11:30 pm no less). I am rather pleased with myself.

Now granted, Mike Holmes may consider the work "not done right", but I'm pleased with the results. See!



a tile backsplash in our basement bathroom! Decor and function where there was just plain wall previously.








Ok, so they are press on, self adhesive tiles. But these happy little flowers with such sayings as "make a wish - faites un souhaite" is at once charming AND a nod to both our official languages.

Well, I liked it.

morning deliciousness

Hey, minds out of the gutter, I'm not talking about *that*. I am a lady, so won't be sharing those details. Today at least.

What I am talking about is the wonderful wakeup of a small bunch of kids climbing into bed to snuggle. Granted, one has already moved in during the night, but the arrival of the other two children is such a lovely moment. Well, provided it does happen closer to 8 am than 7 am. Closer to 7 is a touch less wonderful. Three small, snuggly bodies climbing in to snuggle close, whisper secrets and give hugs and kisses. You just can't beat that - especially if it happens at 8:45! I just can't think of a better way to start the day, while still maintaining this blog's G rating. ;)

it's like living with a pair of barbie dolls

the frequency at which these 2 little girls change clothes, pull on fancy princess dresses, take them off and put on backpacks and hats, then switch them for other dresses and scarves.

It's tiring to keep up with. But it's fun.

fluffy friday

I'm going to admit my fluffiness right now. this blog I'm reading, that is pure, silly, fluff. I can't look away. I just can't.

did I just say that?

Really, did I? I'm shocked. Stunned. This is not ME talking, surely.

what were the shocking words?

"maybe I should learn how to sew"

random, rambly post

I don't even know what to type right now. My brain has been on overdrive all morning, and it's all feeling mushy at the same time.

I'm thinking about how much I've changed over the past 7 or so years. How I'm different. How I like some of the changes, but not others. How there is less drama in my life, which is good, but also more guardedness. Like I'm holding parts of myself back, which isn't so good. Like I'm guarding myself against things. Yet, things sometimes just feel numb, which isn't good either.

I can think of a few triggers over the years: my parents splitting up, a couple of our moves, my car accident, the births of the kids - particularly Ruby's. Some physical changes/hurts, some emotional. But things that have contributed to changes in me. Mistakes I've made, hurts I've caused, sadness I've tried to keep hidden, it just bubbles and percolates. Things I wish I could change, words I'd say differently next time, opportunities missed, times I've held back and maybe shouldn't have. I've been a lousy friend, a weak daughter, a selfish sister, not the best me I could be. I don't even know how to begin to fix things, let alone fully recognize where things are broken. I feel unloved and unlovable. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know...I just don't know...

sigh.

ever have a day where you just feel little and like your worries are just small and foolish? when my biggest complaint is my lettuce going 'off' before I used it, yet more snow falling outside my window, or my youngest un-rolling the toilet paper, I really should be counting my blessings. The small, monotonous complications of my life are so little, so....tiny and petty.

there is so much more that I could be dealing with. Storms could come and change everything. My kids could be fighting an illness, my marriage could be in a terrible state, I could have just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor...there could be so much more. These things happen all the time, and yet people are able to stay strong in their faith, know where their strength comes from, from the God who is able to do more than we can ask or imagine.

I don't know if I could do that. Stay strong in the trials like that. I struggle with just getting through a good day.

big ol' whine

I'm tired of snotty noses, and kids who are the borderline of being sick

I'm frustrated with myself for falling 'off the wagon', ww-wise right now

I'm ticked that I planned to put barley in our lamb stew tonight, but I'm out of barley and don't feel like going to the store

I'm bored with town this week because it's Easter break, and all our regular stuff is not happening

I'm annoyed that it's too windy to enjoy being outside

I'm feeling the aftermath of too much cheap chocolate

I'm too lazy to do any house cleaning. good thing it's rather tidy

I just want the snow gone already. The stinkin' stuff has been on the ground since November 1st!

I wish our basement had bigger/more windows. It would be easier to be downstairs with the kids if it weren't quite so dark down there

I'm just feeling blah all over.

I think I need a big prod to get back on the wagon, get off my rear end and tidy up while my lamb stew simmers (without barley, but with potatoes). Anyone got a cattle prod?

Happy Easter!

May you and your family have a blessed day as we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord.

Check my kids blog for some adorable shots of them all dressed up for church.

have you seen this kidnap victim??

oh goodness...what a horrible story. Have you seen this victim of kidnapping? It was all over the radio this morning. Such a sad story.

www.savemrpeeps.com

please, whoever has the little guy, let him come home unharmed!

Road Trip!

woo hoo! a last minute decision, and we're all tagging along with Rob to the city tomorrow. I have a shopping list that I have been pondering, and now can shop for. yay!

the downside? the kids + the van for 5 hours. we will survive.

not this week

I've realized that I'm actually hitting a major milestone this month - 5 years as a stay at home mom. I've had thoughts running around my head as to how to blog out my feelings, reflections and ideas. But not this week.

The kids are all dealing with a head cold. They are sick enough to be staying inside, but healthy enough to be up out of bed...and making me crazy. Snot flows freely here, and I'm constantly chasing one or more child down to wipe their nose. I'm uttering phrases that 5 years ago wouldn't have even been a thought to me:
"toothpaste is not a snack food"
"keep your snot to yourself"
"ballerinas don't wear muddy rain boots for dancing in the house"
"please don't ask me how deep 3 meters is at the pool, it's taller than our living room ceiling"
"I am the alpha mommy, you will listen to me, couches are not for jumping"
"rolling in the bathtub is not an invitation to bite your sister's bum"
and
"please just go turn on the tv for a half hour, mommy is tired"

It's been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. It's also Holy Week, so the hubby is going to be busy busy for the next couple of days too. Thank God for prayer.

and I felt nothing

Today was the older 2's last swimming class for this session. Isaac is still a Salamander, and Norah passed out of Sea Turtle....into Salamander. So if we sign them up for the next round, they can be in the same class. But Salamander isn't parent participation, and I'm not sure Norah is ready for that step yet. We may put off Saturday swimming lessons until the Fall.

Also, Isaac's soccer season will be starting up soon-ish (or so the rumor goes), and his games will be Saturday mornings. Which would overlap swimming lessons. :/ This may take some juggling.

While we were at the pool, I was chatting with a couple of the other parents. We are all going to have our kids in immersion next fall, and most of the kids are going into soccer. I so hope that Isaac is on the same team as Drew, Nick and Carson, it would be great for him to start off K in the fall with some buddies. Carson's mom was there with her tiny, newborn baby girl. Baby Margo is so cute, so tiny and so precious. And I felt nothing. You know, when you see a little tiny baby and you feel that 'baby crush'? The feeling like you want that for yourself? Yep, didn't have that. At all. She's tiny and precious and beautiful. And not mine. And that's good. I really feel like I'm moving out of my mothering little babies phase.

Now I just need to remember some of the parts of me that I forgot or pushed aside to go through this phase of mothering tiny ones.

pays to be picky

I've been asked to take the car seat tech course on behalf of a local association. I would then be their 'go to' person for car seat installation. As this group works closely with pregnant women and new moms, it would be a good opportunity to make sure new babies are traveling safely - especially given how many in this town aren't in carseats properly (or at all). Best part? They will pay me for doing clinics and inspections too. :)

a math question

Multiple choice
1 wagon + 3 small children + wearing rainboots + a walk = ?

a) over 100 pounds to pull
b) a decent photo op
c) a tired mom
d) all of the above

I'm sure you can guess the answer to this.

my goodness!

All of a sudden, things here are starting to really get a good groove.

Isaac was at a birthday party yesterday - his first that he was invited to as Isaac, not as our child, or as a sibling group...but was invited as him. I hope that makes sense, but it was a pretty big event. His little friend B was so happy to have him at her party. They are a cute pair of friends, they were in swimming and skating together, and will often hold hands together. Very sweet.

B's mom and I are working on a building a friendship too, which is good. She's really nice. M and I are starting to spend more time together, and my kids are good at keeping her little one amused. Soon K will be on mat leave with their second, and we're hooking up for playdates, as little K is a huge fan of my kids. Ran into K and K today at the grocery store (ya, I know, I don't like Sunday shopping, but when you are out of milk and diapers....) and K was all over hugging Norah.

As Spring is coming, I'm feeling more optimistic about our lives here. Which sounds so dramatic, but really, it's nice to have some things feel like they are turning around. I've got plans on the go for Isaac's birthday party, and a 'just because' party for later Spring. It's nice to think that our time here is feeling less lonely than it has been.

and because I'm such a geek....

My garage sale blog.

Yes, I really am that sad.

mixed feelings

Today, I went through all our baby clothes that aren't currently in use. Sorted out the 'donate' and 'yard sale' piles and moved them around our basement. Sigh. So bittersweet. Taking the sweet little outfits that our kids wore at 3, 6, 12, 18 months and sorting them into piles....it's just hard. Those pants, shirts, sweaters all carry a history with them. The newborn sized clothes received as gifts that fit the kids for about 15 minutes. A certain sleeper reminds me of walking Isaac around camp in the dark, praying he would sleep. A favourite pair of pants for church, paired with one of his beautiful sweaters. A blue sweater he wore all the time when Norah was a newborn, trying to remember just how small he was back then. The shirt he wore on his first day of preschool. A tiny pair of Mary Jane shoes on pre-walking baby feet, with a little blue dress. The dark pink dress worn to dad's ordination service. It's so funny how clothes can carry such emotional weight. I'm trying so hard not to be too sentimental about some of the stuff they wore.

It's so hard though. It's like letting some of their clothes go means letting some memories go too.

Attn: Mother Nature

RE: Spring

Dear Ms. Nature,

It has come to my attention that you may have not realized that Spring is starting. You may have not been paying close attention to the calendar this year, but Spring is officially starting and I would like to point out that Spring does indeed need to be sprung in my neck of the woods.

As I am currently sitting in the middle of a SNOWSTORM, with a strong wind blowing, cold temperatures and 3 inches of fresh snow on the ground in the last 4 hours, I would like to remind you that it is MARCH and I expect Spring like conditions to be arriving promptly. I am fully displeased by the reality of having snow on the ground since late on October 31, 2006 and that the white stuff is still falling outside my window. Actually, I assume it is still falling outside, I can't SEE much beyond our front window.

If Spring like weather does not arrive soon, I will be forced to take matters up with your supervisor.

sincerely,

Kristin

PS - yes, the snow does need to melt, but I would prefer it to happen slowly enough to prevent multiple basement floods in our area. thank you.

selling

I'm working on a large pile of things to sell off at a yard sale. I'm ready to move out a lot of baby stuff. Not all of it - because that would pretty much guarantee another pregnancy - but enough to make my laundry room have space in it again.

Anyone need anything? Baby clothes, some cloth diapers, toys...

Second on the right, and straight on till morning

Growing up, my dad often asked me to run away to Neverland with him. "let's never grow up" he'd say. In the wisdom of my childhood, I would roll my eyes and say "oh dad, I'm going to grow up and you know it". That statement was often coupled with my doing the oh-so-grown-up foot stamp. I found his request for me to stay the age I currently was to be so ridiculous. Of course I would grow up, of course I wasn't going to stay six (eight, ten, twelve, whatever) for ever, of course there was no such place as Neverland. Silly man.

Yet now I'm the grown up. With a son just on the verge of turning 5. That son just had his skating recital, where he and all the other little preschool boys were dressed as Peter Pan, the king of Neverland. The son who is excited about turning 5, about going to "fronch immersion" as he calls it, who talks about "when I'm a grown up man" and all the things he will do. Now I understand the desire to run away to the place where children don't grow up and there is always fun to be had.

I wonder what he'd say if I asked him to fly away to Neverland with me....

more on ends and means

Can I just say that seeing someone violate confidentiality in the name of a 'good story' is frustrating. Yes, a funny story is a funny story. There are stories that don't need to be shared though. :/ I don't *want* to hear stuff like that. It just feeds into the gossip junk that I'm trying to avoid - and not always successfully avoid either.

Maybe I should find the backbone to say something. sigh. Maybe I'd feel better about myself then too.

oh, and it's snowing again. bah.

get me a velour tracksuit...

because that's all I need to round out my new role as "soccer mom". I have the minivan, I carry the coffee mug, and as of tonight, I have the child in soccer.

Signed up the boy for the soccer season tonight. How fun! He's very excited. I just hope the snow melts soon, and the grass dries up, otherwise my clean hands loving little boy will be covered in icky, gooey mud. hee hee.

pms-ing and tense, yet laughing

I have heard so many things today that just made me laugh.

-Norah pulled a pair of gray track pants out of the laundry I was folding. Stuck it on her head and said "I'm an elephant with big floppy ears"
- As N drifted off to sleep today, she started talking about her rain boots and outside "I will make mud with the watering can and make mud and get dirty, dirty, dirty. That be fun"
- overheard at playgroup today "but mom, I'm not picking for nose for fun, I'm working here!"
- My friend B at playgroup's son R's reaction when he saw the leprechaun book for story time "hey that's daddy!" B turned to me and said "ah, it's a fetish thing" I just about wet my pants over that one.

Playgroup was crowded today. Very crowded. Must be another sign of Spring on the way in.

eh, jumped the gun

no, it is NOT warm enough yet for rainboots outside. Yes, it was above 0, but my feet were cold. Isaac was much smarter than his mom, and wore his winter boots. The girls and I had cold feet - especially Norah, who managed to sink hers into the mushy snow and get them stuck.

Had a nice evening. Had the ACW meeting tonight (women's church group thing), and it was much more pleasant than usual. Even more fun than that was my trip to the grocery store on the way there. I ran into 2 families I know, one is a woman I am working on a friendship with. We have a tentative date for walking next week with the kids. The other is a woman I see weekly, as her daughter and Isaac skate and swim together. She gave me the heads up on a birthday party invite coming Isaac's way. I would hope he gets invited to her party - they were holding hands for a good chunk of last week's skating class. :wink

Add in this morning's playdate out at C's place in the country, along with the very ready to give birth A and their girls. A fun phone call with someone who 'gets' a lot of my life too. It's been a very good day. Very nice.

do the ends always justify the means?

Well, do they? I don't think so.

Sometimes, decisions that seem like the right thing, aren't. Sometimes, it hurts to be on the wrong side of a bad decision that someone else made. Not that the decision hurt you, per se, but that knowing someone you liked, respected and cared for made such a decision is stinky.

Sometimes, the decision that makes sense isn't the most honorable, noble or ethical decision.

May I remember this when I make choices in the future. Not only do my decisions impact those around me, but my reputation and name as well. Lord, thank you for Your mercy to us, even when we mess up badly.

other things to be glad about

Despite spring on its way (we hope!), I'm having a bit of a blah day. So I thought I would list some things that made me happy this past week

- 3 pounds in one week!
- laughing over really silly things our kids said
- all 3 kids napping at the same time on Wednesday (i'm choosing to ignore the near 3 way meltdown at the tail end of our Lenten Lunch that brought about that nap...oh wait, I remembered)
- the blessing of a church member coming by with the unexpected gift of home-sewn spring coats for my kids (the girls match, it's so cute!)
- some great meals this week, all from new to me recipes
- good phone calls
- cranberry pomegranate martinis
- getting to play outside, it's been too long

i can see concrete! i can see concrete!

Spring is coming after all!

Today, we topped out at a marvelous +3C and full-on sunshine. The snow is starting to melt during the daytime. The mornings are so much brighter, instead of our dark days of winter 9:30 am sunrise, today I walked to the pool at 7:35 am as the sun rose. The days are also stretching out on the other end, we don't always shut our front blinds before supper. It's nice. And mood-brightening.

The large puddles forming in our local streets show promise as future huge lakes to be waded through in a pair of rainboots and splash pants. As long as this snow melts at a slow pace, we won't be under a few inches of water. There is actually bare concrete in front of our house. I'm so excited. I can't wait to pull our our new wagon and go walking with the kids.

Another side effect of the warming temperatures is that we finally have wet enough snow for a snowman. Well, sort of. It doesn't roll into balls quite well, but we can smoosh it into a big pile. So that's what we did today. Playing in the yard, we smooshed snow and got very, very wet. Nice.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

It would seem that my previous post has created some strong reactions. I have currently pulled it. In reading over the post in question, it would seem as though the actual target for my frustration was a little less than clear.

One thing that frustrates me to no end as a mother is the outside pressure to 'get away from your babies'. To wean early, to 'get that kid on a bottle and get your life back'.

Maybe not everyone out there knows, remembers, or cares that I have experience in a less than good nursing relationship. I had to wean my middle child unexpectedly, and rather abruptly and introduce formula. I walked that path, I know it. I still struggle with some of the guilt over that.

And when I had to go through that process, do you know what the main comment from people was in regards to weaning my baby? "Congratulations. Now you can get your life back". No matter HOW I was feeding my baby, I still had a 7 month old child, there was no life to get back. Regardless of how my child received nourishment, I was still there for her, was still holding her close and rocking her to sleep. I didn't understand the attitude about having a break for freedom. I still don't. I don't, and I've had my bad, dark days as a mom. I have no desire to leave my children at this age for a week long trip away, a night of 'partying' at the bar, or leaving a 10 week old overnight 2 hours drive away for a rock concert. I don't understand it at all. I can't understand it.

I truly believe that the best thing we can do for our children is to be attached to them, to show them love and support and care, particularly in the first year to 18 months of life. I believe that daddies play an extremely important role in caring for babies too. I believe that taking the time to lay a strong foundation of love, trust and care is key in maintaining a strong relationship down the road. I believe that this is part of how God wants us to parent. That is the standard I hope to achieve in my home. I choose to show God's love to those around me, and believe that my primary ministry is to the little people in my home who call me "mommy". If I cannot provide my best, and what I believe God's desire is for my best to be to them, how then can I show that to others? If my children don't believe that their father and I love and value them and their needs, how well will they be able to comprehend the unconditional love of God? I know I struggle daily and wrestle mightily with some of the choices that my earthly father made and how that impacts my view of God daily. A legacy I do not ever intend to pass on.

I don't judge others in my heart and write them off for making different choices than I do. I don't. I may judge the actions, but not the person. And yes, there is a huge difference. I may not understand those choices. I don't understand those choices being the mainstream, encouraged way to parent. Why is it applauded for parents to leave their toddlers for a week for a vacation? Why is it applauded for babies to be weaned on our schedule? Why do people tell me I'm 'crazy' for not being able to leave a nursling so I can go out for a night of drinking? (actual reference) Or to hear that I'm 'lame' for doing something so 'boring' as nursing (another conversation I've had). I know judgment, I've been on the receiving end of it. I face it almost daily. I don't understand another's choices because they aren't mine! I make lots of choices other people don't understand either. Heck, I have a green stand mixer - is that everyone's first colour choice? On the other hand, I've also been on the 'other side' of some of the choices I make, and I wouldn't say the grass is any greener.

Children aren't convenient - as witnessed by the number of times I have had to throw out plans for something I wanted to do to take care of a sick child, or had to leave an event earlier than I wanted to in order to make everyone have a successful trip. They just aren't. Children are a blessing, and need to be treated as such. I also know as a mom who is parenting with precious little support outside of my own home, that their father and I are the main people who will show Christ's love to them as they grow. That is a weight I do not take lightly.

In short (or long, as the case may be), I am frustrated that there is so little value placed on motherhood, on the short time our children are babies and need us, on the importance of being the primary person in a small person's life. Don't even get me started on the USA's 6 week maternity leave. The issues I wrestled with in my now pulled post were not about breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, it was the lack of support for mothering the way our hearts are led. I know the women I mentioned, and I know that they were encouraged to make the choices they made by their outside support, for reasons that make no sense to me. I may be making choices others can't understand, but I make the ones that God has put on my heart, and I strive to be faithful to His leading in my parenting. That is where I have been led. It is His standard for my life that I try to live up to.