confession before bed....

Ok, this has been on my mind since I got home on Tuesday night.

I was freaked out about driving the #4 from North Battleford in the dark. I was in Battleford in plenty of time before the sun set, but I knew the 1.5 hours remaining would be in the dark. Dark dark, along the forest, where there are lots of deer and other wild animals. And me with 2 small kids, no cell phone and only armed with a minivan. I was freaked out. I have heard too many stories about hitting deer and other wildlife along this stretch of highway to not be freaked!

So I drove it. The kids were quiet for the most part. Wasn't going too fast in order to prevent hitting stuff. Saw one fox. One skunk. Too many deer to count. A male deer saw us, lowered his antlers and CHARGED at the van. Was chasing us. Thank you Toyota for good engines that can take the pressure of me speeding up like a mad woman. In my mad dash away from the deer who seemed to take my van as a rival for some female deer's loving...I created some road kill. I hit a cat. Yes, in all my attempts to avoid the wildlife, I took out a domestic cat. The sound of it hitting the tires will resound in my memory for years. Sad part was, we weren't near any homes, so I don't know whose cat it was. "what was that mommy?" "um...the car just hit a bump sweetie". So, now I am both a cat killer and a liar!

Had to get that out. I feel (somewhat) better now.

time just flies by

I can't believe how fast the time gets away on me. The last few weeks have been a total blur. Nanny diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and a quick flight (ha!) into Vancouver for a week with the kids to visit and say goodbye. A crazy week in Vancouver, where I didn't get to do half of what I wanted to do. Strange being in Van again. It was really weird. It felt like home, yet nothing like it at the same time. Yet, Meadow Lake didn't feel like home either. I finally figured it out after I got back to our house, after a 2 hour plane ride and a 3 hour drive with the kids. HOME is where Rob and my kids are. Period. That's home. Where my family is...and my family is now my kids and spouse, instead of my parents and sibling. Does that make me a grown up?

Seeing my grandmother was really strange. She has been unwell for the last 2 years or so, but this almost feels like she is ready to give up. Like the cancer is giving her permission to not fight anymore. I really hope I don't feel like that when I'm old - like life still doesn't hold any promise of something beautiful to come. It was sad to visit, knowing that Tuesday, September 20 was possibly the last time I would ever see her alive. I also got in a visit with the kids, but I wonder if Isaac will even remember her. I have really vague memories of my grandfather, he died when I was 18 months old...but I'm not sure if the memories are really true or more a reflection of what people have told me.

The kids were amazing on the entire trip. I couldn't have asked for more from them. Great travellers they are. Granted, they got restless and wanted to be more on the go than I was always wanting to be, but they are kids and I was pushing my own agenda on them a lot. Visiting, shopping, shopping, driving...they were great. I was really shocked by how easy Isaac was on Sunday back at Holy Trinity. Before we moved, I remember how tough Sunday mornings were. He hated to sit, wanted to be around the overhead projector, didn't like Sunday School (and I didn't blame him, it wasn't working well.) Last Sunday, it was like a different kid! He was fine with sitting until the Children's focus time, participated in the Sunday School class (which is doing great!) and was even easy to handle during coffee hour! Amazing what 7 months can do in a little guy. Norah was just her charming self as usual, smiling at everyone. I so hope and pray that this next baby is even half as easy as Norah is.

Ok, need to get to bed.

Happy Birthday Saskatchewan!

I live in a province that just turned 100 today. There were activities at the arena today for families. Isaac really enjoyed the bouncy castle. We didn't stick around for the free burgers, hot dogs and cake...it smelled funny around the food. Both Rob and I found it too oniony smell-wise. And for Rob to think that...it must have been bad! The fireworks tonight were great. 15 cities/towns across the province, synchronized to music. So glad we got a good view from our kitchen window. We kept Isaac up to watch them...he was amazed. It was really fun listening to him during the *fire stars*. "ohhh...that's for Norah" "that's amazing" "can we do this again?"

I've decided to take on a month of teaching Sunday School. 5 weeks actually. I figured they need the teachers, I have a child in the program, so I should. The timing isn't great, but better now than in 3 months when my hands are really full. Actually, I really want to push my own agenda in SS, to be honest. I want it to be fun! And I know that it's not really that great right now...not that the women who have been doing it don't love the kids...they just aren't that excited about what they are doing. Isaac loves it anyhow. I'm going to be doing some things a little differently...so we shall see how it goes.