We are addicted to the bbq food this week! Tonight was roasted balsamic veggies and tofu, followed up by nectarines in a balsamic honey glaze with whipped cream. The tofu recieved a mixed reception, the boys were not huge fans. I even took chunks of last nights french bread, tossed it in the marinade, and grilled it too. Norah was all over the nectarines tonight.
Cooler day here, lots of outdoor play for the kids, and a father & son trip to the store for slurpees. Good, very good.
Oh, and Bonnie, I think just about anything is good with rosemary in it!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Recipe and smoke
I slept downstairs last night. So much cooler. Ruby and I had the whole bed to ourselves, Rob decided to go upstairs. Which was a decent idea, as Isaac climbed in with him early in the am. Isaac actually slept in until 93o this morning. There is a lot of smoke in the air today, some new forest fires started north of here. Apparently the thunderstorm passed by north of us, and some lightening strikes started a few fires. I have not really thought about the risk of forest fires and living pretty much IN a forest until this week. Hopefully no fires come that close.
It is cooler today, with a breeze. Yay!
I wanted to share our recipe from last nights supper, it is easy and really good too. Great for hot days.
Get a bunch of tomatoes, the smaller, sweeter ones are best. I usually buy the Campari ones in the plastic clamshell, I especially adore the yellow ones thrown in too. Squish them into a big bowl, and rip them into small pieces. This is a great job for small children, mine had a blast doing this part. Rip up some fresh basil and toss in as well. If you cannot find fresh in your small, dinky town, freeze dried is much better than plain old dried herbs. Drizzle olive oil over that, and throw in some salt to taste. Let the flavours get to know each other for a while. Then throw in some spaghetti noodles, enough to feed your family. Toss, and pour some balsamic vinegar overtop. Serve hot or cold, with some nice bread for soaking up the juices. Soooo good. My kids inhale this dish, and it doesnt get the kitchen too hot. You could add garlic, but it is really nice without it too.
It is cooler today, with a breeze. Yay!
I wanted to share our recipe from last nights supper, it is easy and really good too. Great for hot days.
Get a bunch of tomatoes, the smaller, sweeter ones are best. I usually buy the Campari ones in the plastic clamshell, I especially adore the yellow ones thrown in too. Squish them into a big bowl, and rip them into small pieces. This is a great job for small children, mine had a blast doing this part. Rip up some fresh basil and toss in as well. If you cannot find fresh in your small, dinky town, freeze dried is much better than plain old dried herbs. Drizzle olive oil over that, and throw in some salt to taste. Let the flavours get to know each other for a while. Then throw in some spaghetti noodles, enough to feed your family. Toss, and pour some balsamic vinegar overtop. Serve hot or cold, with some nice bread for soaking up the juices. Soooo good. My kids inhale this dish, and it doesnt get the kitchen too hot. You could add garlic, but it is really nice without it too.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
as the temperature hits 39 with the humidity, or 1oo for my American friends, I long for central air conditioning. A couple bottles of Mexican beer chill in our freezer, this is beer weather. Supper is spaghetti, chilled and tossed with fresh tomatoes and basil, a family favourite. Blackberry and blueberry flan with whipped cream for dessert. I am going downstairs in moments to hide from the heat. We are under a thunderstorm watch, with hail, so we moved *my* vehicle to the garage for protection. A storm would be a nice break right now.
It is a GIRL!
Welcome baby E! Baby girl for my dear friends out east. I think she is adorable, and looks like her mom in the picture you sent. Girl #3....oh boy, dad...you are going to have to be on your guard when the boys start coming around!
it is so hot!!! or, why I do not live in the South
it is beyond hot here. we watched a video with the kids downstairs tonight. it was too hot upstairs. with the humidex, it is 34. tomorrow is supposed to be hotter. our living room holds heat like crazy, afternoon and evening sun. kids played in the pool for ages today. too hot to continue. it is going down to 26 overnight. i may sleep downstairs.
34 equals 93
26 is 79 for my American friends. Wow, somehow it does not sound quite so hot in F. BUT IT IS!
34 equals 93
26 is 79 for my American friends. Wow, somehow it does not sound quite so hot in F. BUT IT IS!
Monday, June 26, 2006
mom crush
Went to Isaac's last day of preschool party today. Brought Ruby along, who was peaceful and placid in the sling. Started chatting to a mom I've never met before - she has the only other little boy who is part-time in Isaac's class. Her son is a year older than Isaac. Anyhow, I have a HUGE mom crush on her! She was funny, down to earth and personable. Things I haven't really run into here. In fact, there seems to be this 'mom-ese' language that is native to this town, and I don't speak it well. For a town that claims to be really friendly, they aren't. So, back to my mom crush. I want to be her friend! We were already having a great giggle over some stuff, and were both equally horrified by the unattended children who showed up at the park. Took all I had not to run after her and give her my number, begging her to be my friend. I just don't know how to make the first move! Preschool is over, and I don't know when I will see her again.
On the bright side, she lives near the park we were at, and I know which house is hers. (don't stalk her, don't stalk her, don't stalk her....)
On the bright side, she lives near the park we were at, and I know which house is hers. (don't stalk her, don't stalk her, don't stalk her....)
Sunday, June 25, 2006
got mad at the town office
we were on a boil water advisory. The town had letter delivered to each home, informing us of the situation. The letters advised that there would be follow up information available when the advisory was going to be lifted.
Well, come to find out on Wednesday night - WEDNESDAY NIGHT - while Rob is at bible study, that they lifted the advisory on Monday. MONDAY. How did they get the word out? By the tiny little local radio station. A couple of announcements on the local radio station. The one that only plays very old country music. You know, THE ONE I DON'T LISTEN TO. I listen to a combination of CBC radio and kids music. So how were we supposed to know that the advisory was lifted? My amazing psychic powers? Seriously.
So I called the town office and generally let loose on the counsellor who was in charge of this. He took absolutely NO ownership of this at all, made it sound like it was my fault. I'm sorry, I recieved a letter, at my door to let me know...how was I supposed to know that local radio was going to have the exclusive broadcasting rights to the end of the advisory information. The original letter had NO indication that the news was only going to be available on local radio...if they had SAID that, I would have LISTENED to it. Instead, I'm just ticked off. That was 2 whole extra days of boiling water for everything.
This town is just horrible for sharing information. Horrible. Like all the advertising for the Rodeo days, telling people not to park along the parade route. But could you FIND the parade route published anywhere? Not at all. apparently in this town, you *just have to know* these things.
Ug. I almost want to take this up in the local paper.
Well, come to find out on Wednesday night - WEDNESDAY NIGHT - while Rob is at bible study, that they lifted the advisory on Monday. MONDAY. How did they get the word out? By the tiny little local radio station. A couple of announcements on the local radio station. The one that only plays very old country music. You know, THE ONE I DON'T LISTEN TO. I listen to a combination of CBC radio and kids music. So how were we supposed to know that the advisory was lifted? My amazing psychic powers? Seriously.
So I called the town office and generally let loose on the counsellor who was in charge of this. He took absolutely NO ownership of this at all, made it sound like it was my fault. I'm sorry, I recieved a letter, at my door to let me know...how was I supposed to know that local radio was going to have the exclusive broadcasting rights to the end of the advisory information. The original letter had NO indication that the news was only going to be available on local radio...if they had SAID that, I would have LISTENED to it. Instead, I'm just ticked off. That was 2 whole extra days of boiling water for everything.
This town is just horrible for sharing information. Horrible. Like all the advertising for the Rodeo days, telling people not to park along the parade route. But could you FIND the parade route published anywhere? Not at all. apparently in this town, you *just have to know* these things.
Ug. I almost want to take this up in the local paper.
quick update
home from Saskatoon (more on the trip on the kids blog - link on right). Rob and I were sick for a couple of days, but seem to be better. Missed going to Starbucks, not sure how that happened. Kids have roseola - so we're skipping church today. I'm now just waiting to hear from the specialist.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
not quite what I was expecting
Didn't sleep well last night, I seem to be dealing with some sort of illness here, along with the kids. Feverish and tossy-turney, and nauseous today. Ick. Norah has goopy eyes and is still a touch feverish too, and Isaac seems under the weather too. Blah.
Then I had my follow up with Dr. G about my thryoid. Apparently, it's worse. Much worse. My levels have doubled instead of dropping off like they were supposed to. I'm being referred to a specialist in the city. (which I really hope means Saskatoon instead of Regina) Blah, blah, blah, radioiodine therapy, or surgery...all bad. I don't quite know what this means right now, but from what I can tell, my options aren't pretty either way.
Then I had my follow up with Dr. G about my thryoid. Apparently, it's worse. Much worse. My levels have doubled instead of dropping off like they were supposed to. I'm being referred to a specialist in the city. (which I really hope means Saskatoon instead of Regina) Blah, blah, blah, radioiodine therapy, or surgery...all bad. I don't quite know what this means right now, but from what I can tell, my options aren't pretty either way.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
random thoughts
- I'm working on a 40 mile goal in the next few weeks. 40 miles on the treadmill. Let's see how that goes. I'm at 2.5 already.
- cleaned our fridge out today - with all the stuff the kids have knocked over in there, it had a smell. hope this fixes it.
- It always blows me away when I see my niece's blog - it's sometimes shocking to me just how much Rob and his brother look alike in pictures. I check out a picture and think "what is Rob doing with that baby?".
- finally, we are having a thunderstorm. After at least 8 days of predicting one, it's here. Nothing major, but still getting thunder
- the doctor's office called today, and I have an appointment tomorrow to follow up on my meds. This could be interesting.
- still boiling water. it's not too bad, but it's annoying.
- cleaned our fridge out today - with all the stuff the kids have knocked over in there, it had a smell. hope this fixes it.
- It always blows me away when I see my niece's blog - it's sometimes shocking to me just how much Rob and his brother look alike in pictures. I check out a picture and think "what is Rob doing with that baby?".
- finally, we are having a thunderstorm. After at least 8 days of predicting one, it's here. Nothing major, but still getting thunder
- the doctor's office called today, and I have an appointment tomorrow to follow up on my meds. This could be interesting.
- still boiling water. it's not too bad, but it's annoying.
Monday, June 19, 2006
bang my head against a wall
seriously, that's what I want to do.
I've been eating so well lately. Really well. Yet I've gained weight, and am now at a new highest weight. Stupid thyroid. Stupid, stupid thyroid. I need a higher dose of meds. I'm now going to go downstairs and run on the treadmill. If I don't break the stupid thing with my size! *sob* this is so depressing.
I've been eating so well lately. Really well. Yet I've gained weight, and am now at a new highest weight. Stupid thyroid. Stupid, stupid thyroid. I need a higher dose of meds. I'm now going to go downstairs and run on the treadmill. If I don't break the stupid thing with my size! *sob* this is so depressing.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
more on today
all in all, a nice day. Kids were mostly great - Isaac isn't doing a great job of listening, but that's workable. We made cookies today for Rob, as his father's day present. Rob already got his ipod for our anniversary, and the father's day component was the adaptor for the car. Chocolate and butterscotch chip. Fun to make with Isaac, although he gave up and left as we were putting them in the oven. Had a lovely phone call with a GCMom today. It was so neat to talk to her, when I knew so much about her already. Hopefully we will be able to meet up in a couple of weeks, if our schedules work out the way we are hoping they will. Had dinner at D and N's place, along with their son S and his wife G. The kids 'fished' in their backyard for ages. It was nice to visit with them, and even better not to have to cook!
I tried to call my dad earlier. He wasn't home, and his cell message picked up right away too. To be honest, I was kind of relieved. Didn't really want to talk to him, not really sure why. Left a message, was the dutiful daughter. Yadda yadda. I'm just a little annoyed with him, and really don't want to play the 'you're such a great dad' junk today.
I'm really missing GCM...pathetic of me. A little bird told me she has become a lurker there, here is her nudge to fully join up if she hasn't already...and to let me know she did it. She knows who she is.... ;)
I tried to call my dad earlier. He wasn't home, and his cell message picked up right away too. To be honest, I was kind of relieved. Didn't really want to talk to him, not really sure why. Left a message, was the dutiful daughter. Yadda yadda. I'm just a little annoyed with him, and really don't want to play the 'you're such a great dad' junk today.
I'm really missing GCM...pathetic of me. A little bird told me she has become a lurker there, here is her nudge to fully join up if she hasn't already...and to let me know she did it. She knows who she is.... ;)
*that* felt more like mother's day
This morning, Rob overslept somewhat because the kids re-set the alarm clock. Despite us being up until 1, I felt refreshed at 7:10 when he hit the ground running. ?Ruby woke up, but was quickly nursed back down. Then I fell asleep again. Woke up, on my own, at 8:30. Norah and Isaac didn't wake until 8:45, and Ruby stayed down until 9:45. What a treat for me on father's day!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Saturday
It's been so muggy lately. Ick. I don't like humid weather at all. Today is that 'not warm, but not cold' muggy, so I'm not sure if we should have windows open or shut. Our coffee maker has developed some attitude too, so I'm working on figuring that out too. It spilled half our coffee out the back, and I was moving the stove out to clean it up this morning. Found one of Norah's socks back there. Still haven't been given the all clear on our water, so I'm boiling water all day. That doesn't help with the humidity in the house, and makes me feel a bit like I'm attending a birth in the 1800's.
Ruby is rolling and 'army crawling' up and down the hallway right now. She is really getting fast, and is usually dragging herself around after me. She's even cleared the threshold of our kitchen doorways a couple of times. Growing up way too fast.
I feel like all I'm doing is complaining. I don't mean to. My life is mostly good, it's just that it feels like something is always out of sorts around here. From my health, to flooding basements, to appliances not working, and so on, and so on. Really, it's not that bad, just annoying.
Ruby is rolling and 'army crawling' up and down the hallway right now. She is really getting fast, and is usually dragging herself around after me. She's even cleared the threshold of our kitchen doorways a couple of times. Growing up way too fast.
I feel like all I'm doing is complaining. I don't mean to. My life is mostly good, it's just that it feels like something is always out of sorts around here. From my health, to flooding basements, to appliances not working, and so on, and so on. Really, it's not that bad, just annoying.
Friday, June 16, 2006
today is better
I couldn't be more glad to see the end of yesterday. Seriously. Thanks to those who sent kind words and thoughts. *heart*
Today is much better. Doesn't hurt that it's Rob's day off either. Last night, I hung some extra liner type things in the kid's windows, so they slept a bit longer this morning. That was a bonus. Then after a slow-ish start, we took the kids to our local Children's festival. I was rather impressed with how good it was. That was fun. I managed to leave a row of 10-12 year old girls shocked when they watched me do a quick back toss with Norah in the mei tai. That was hilarious. Our girls were quite the hit today, between random girls coming up to 'see the cute babies' and Norah getting some attention during one of the shows by 2 of the performers, the girls were almost famous! This day has gone so fast though, I can't believe I'm nursing Ruby for our pre-dinner-making nursing session already. We're having homemade pizza, and I'm still not quite sure if I want to do one big one, or a make-your-own. I'm thinking one big one would be less messy, but not quite as fun...
Today is much better. Doesn't hurt that it's Rob's day off either. Last night, I hung some extra liner type things in the kid's windows, so they slept a bit longer this morning. That was a bonus. Then after a slow-ish start, we took the kids to our local Children's festival. I was rather impressed with how good it was. That was fun. I managed to leave a row of 10-12 year old girls shocked when they watched me do a quick back toss with Norah in the mei tai. That was hilarious. Our girls were quite the hit today, between random girls coming up to 'see the cute babies' and Norah getting some attention during one of the shows by 2 of the performers, the girls were almost famous! This day has gone so fast though, I can't believe I'm nursing Ruby for our pre-dinner-making nursing session already. We're having homemade pizza, and I'm still not quite sure if I want to do one big one, or a make-your-own. I'm thinking one big one would be less messy, but not quite as fun...
Thursday, June 15, 2006
thank you Melanie Doane
This song kind of sums some things up nicely.
HAPPY HOMEMAKER
Maybe I'd be happy to let it all go
Dedicate my life to making jelly molds
Learn to cook and learn to sew
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Why have I been pushing so hard
when I could be out in the backyard
Letting down my hair
letting down my guard
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker
Maybe it'll be different this time �round
We'll put to use the wisdom
I hope we've found
Like to lose the crap
without losing ground
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Gone so far the other way
We're scared to be our mothers
and we're scared of going soft
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker
HAPPY HOMEMAKER
Maybe I'd be happy to let it all go
Dedicate my life to making jelly molds
Learn to cook and learn to sew
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Why have I been pushing so hard
when I could be out in the backyard
Letting down my hair
letting down my guard
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker
Maybe it'll be different this time �round
We'll put to use the wisdom
I hope we've found
Like to lose the crap
without losing ground
I'm a Happy Homemaker
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Gone so far the other way
We're scared to be our mothers
and we're scared of going soft
Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker
I think I need stronger meds
I don't think my meds are strong enough. I've been back for more bloodwork, but no matter what the results say, I KNOW they aren't strong enough. I've been feeling more 'off' lately, and I'm not handling it well.
Today, I had a huge meltdown. Of course, it doesn't help that it feels like I'm on a never-ending ride of stressors. Things keep getting thrown at me, and I feel like such a drama queen over it, but it's just so hard sometimes. I'm not sure if this is just life, or what, but it sure feels like a lot on my plate. All 3 of my kids are draining me like mad right now too. This morning was hard. I finally called Rob upstairs to bail me out because it was either me losing it on my own, or taking it out on them - which I don't want to do.
It's so strange, it's like I'm completely rational in my irrational-ness. It's like I'm seeing myself on the verge of control and out of control, and the one thing that's keeping me from crossing that line is the knowledge that I would have consequences to my actions. Ok, now I sound crazy. But maybe if I really *was* crazy, it would be easier. As it is, I don't think I am, I just feel that I *could* be. hmmm. clear as mud?
Yep, I need stronger meds. Today I took 2 pills instead of one, and I'll see how that goes. Almost all of my previous symptoms are ramping up again, and I don't like it. Yep, here comes the 'almost noon headache' that I used to get pretty much daily.
Today, I had a huge meltdown. Of course, it doesn't help that it feels like I'm on a never-ending ride of stressors. Things keep getting thrown at me, and I feel like such a drama queen over it, but it's just so hard sometimes. I'm not sure if this is just life, or what, but it sure feels like a lot on my plate. All 3 of my kids are draining me like mad right now too. This morning was hard. I finally called Rob upstairs to bail me out because it was either me losing it on my own, or taking it out on them - which I don't want to do.
It's so strange, it's like I'm completely rational in my irrational-ness. It's like I'm seeing myself on the verge of control and out of control, and the one thing that's keeping me from crossing that line is the knowledge that I would have consequences to my actions. Ok, now I sound crazy. But maybe if I really *was* crazy, it would be easier. As it is, I don't think I am, I just feel that I *could* be. hmmm. clear as mud?
Yep, I need stronger meds. Today I took 2 pills instead of one, and I'll see how that goes. Almost all of my previous symptoms are ramping up again, and I don't like it. Yep, here comes the 'almost noon headache' that I used to get pretty much daily.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Look what I saw today
while making lunch. Just looked down, and there she was, out cold. I love my mei tai! Thanks, Corie, it's fabulous! (if a bit challenging to transition her out of, it involved me climbing on the bed to untie it - but still much easier than the backpack!)
Boy, does she ever look like Isaac in this picture.
what is annoying
- kids who are still leaking green snot. it's been too long :(
- an indefinite boil water advisory in our town - which means that we need to wash dishes by boiled water because our dishwasher doesn't hot enough. This on top of it being hot, and not being able to use our wading pool for the kids because they won't not drink it.
- having dead ceadar trees in our front yard. I pulled 3 up, but still have 3 to go...and nowhere to dump them. This makes our yard really really ugly.
- a son who is tired and cranky. that's frustrating
- a baby who is going through separation anxiety, so I can barely put her down. that is ok, but combined with having 2 other kids to take care of, it gets tiring
that is all annoying. Whine is now over.
- an indefinite boil water advisory in our town - which means that we need to wash dishes by boiled water because our dishwasher doesn't hot enough. This on top of it being hot, and not being able to use our wading pool for the kids because they won't not drink it.
- having dead ceadar trees in our front yard. I pulled 3 up, but still have 3 to go...and nowhere to dump them. This makes our yard really really ugly.
- a son who is tired and cranky. that's frustrating
- a baby who is going through separation anxiety, so I can barely put her down. that is ok, but combined with having 2 other kids to take care of, it gets tiring
that is all annoying. Whine is now over.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
I blame Garth and Mary
...and so it begins. We now own an ipod. Officially, it's Rob's anniversary gift from me, as the stand mixer was my gift. I blame them for showing us theirs. :)
Saturday, June 10, 2006
home yet again
This has been a tiring week. S'toon with the kids. Children's festival was good, if cold and windy outside. The kids loved the show. Norah got a mosquito bite that went bad AND a bad reaction to some citrus. So I now have another kid on antibiotics. Isaac had a bad bout of constipation, but that passed (so to speak). Ruby now has 2 teeth. Tonight was a bbq at the church for the 75th anniversary. It's 7:30, I'm tired, and 2 kids are sleeping. I want to clean my house and have some wine. But there isn't any in the house. Oh well.
At least we didn't get the Norwalk virus...things could always be worse.
At least we didn't get the Norwalk virus...things could always be worse.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Wednesday
Hot water heater is fixed. Ruby has a double ear infection - how is it that my older 2 have NEVER had an ear infection, and she's on her second one? My mom came up yesterday to bail me out while Rob was gone for the day for meetings at the diocesan office. You know, since I was alone, had no sleep and still hadn't had a shower since Ruby wouldn't let me put her down. We're off to Saskatoon today for the Children's Festival. We'll be home in time for the church's 75th celebrations this weekend. But off to S'toon for a music show, playtime on the festival grounds, possibly a parade (if we stay until Saturday), a little shopping and some Starbucks! If only I can get us packed up quick!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Vote, vote, vote!!!
Go to CBC Hockeyville and vote for my town before midnight June 7th! Help make us Hockeyville Canada.
If you don't know which town is mine, we're the SK town from the North region. Vote for us!!!
If you don't know which town is mine, we're the SK town from the North region. Vote for us!!!
Monday, June 05, 2006
I hate Mondays
Specifically, this Monday.
Our hot water heater is broken, and has been for a couple of days. I need a real shower. I don't like heating water on the stove to wash dishes (oh, and if only all 4 burners would work) Can't wash diapers, so we are back to sposies. Ick.
All three kids are still snotty as anything. Fun. I'm wiping noses on the fly, how elegant. ;)
The guy should be coming today to fix the heater. Should.
I messed up paying a bill online. As in, entered in the wrong account number for my HBC credit card. On both bank accounts. Oops. and double oops.
2 phone calls from telemarketers. Asking for "rectory anglican" (badly pronounced too). Nobody by that name here. Each time the phone rang I was changing a diaper and rushed to the phone in case it was the heater guy. Nope.
Ruby had her first real taste of solids last night. We went to the parade for Stampede week. They throw lots of candy. Norah decided to give up her freedom in exchange for a lollipop (back into the stroller). She shared it with Ruby. Roo had a couple of good licks of the lolli before we noticed. D'oh! Her first real solid was a yellow lollipop. Must be our third kid.
Oh, and I'm jealous too. Rob is currently at preschool with Isaac. They are doing a field trip today - to the bakery and the fire hall. I wanted to go! He got to do the bowling party last December, and now the field trip. Oh well, I get to take all the kids to the Children's Festival this week!
Our hot water heater is broken, and has been for a couple of days. I need a real shower. I don't like heating water on the stove to wash dishes (oh, and if only all 4 burners would work) Can't wash diapers, so we are back to sposies. Ick.
All three kids are still snotty as anything. Fun. I'm wiping noses on the fly, how elegant. ;)
The guy should be coming today to fix the heater. Should.
I messed up paying a bill online. As in, entered in the wrong account number for my HBC credit card. On both bank accounts. Oops. and double oops.
2 phone calls from telemarketers. Asking for "rectory anglican" (badly pronounced too). Nobody by that name here. Each time the phone rang I was changing a diaper and rushed to the phone in case it was the heater guy. Nope.
Ruby had her first real taste of solids last night. We went to the parade for Stampede week. They throw lots of candy. Norah decided to give up her freedom in exchange for a lollipop (back into the stroller). She shared it with Ruby. Roo had a couple of good licks of the lolli before we noticed. D'oh! Her first real solid was a yellow lollipop. Must be our third kid.
Oh, and I'm jealous too. Rob is currently at preschool with Isaac. They are doing a field trip today - to the bakery and the fire hall. I wanted to go! He got to do the bowling party last December, and now the field trip. Oh well, I get to take all the kids to the Children's Festival this week!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
perfectionism
I am a perfectionist. And a procrastinator. It's a bad combination. Common combination, but still not a great one. I also know why I am a perfectionist. It's what has been drilled into me from birth by my father.
Let's backtrack a bit. Long story short, my father married my mother under less than honest circumstances. He portrayed himself as something other than what he felt he really was, and decided that having a family would fix everything. Catch was, that family had to be perfect. It had to look good. My mom was not pushy that way, but came from a long line of "stiff upper lip", "don't show your weakness" women. Not a great combination.
Being the compliant child I was, I bought into it easily. Good table manners, please and thank you, "party tricks" that I could pull out at dinner parties...all of that. Then dad figured out I was smart. I was reading by 3.5 (like my son!), was tested, and came up gifted. To keep me from being bored in school, I got put into music lessons. I did really well, despite being terribly shy, group lessons can help with that. Then dad started pushing me.
I was pushed to be the best in school, and I skipped a grade. I was pushed to be the best in music, and I didn't want to be. I was pushed to do everything well. Because, of course, MY doing well made dad look good, right? I can honestly say that I did do really well when I tried to. But I didn't like being pushed. I was shy, remember? I didn't like being "out there" as being "good" at stuff. That didn't fit with being pushed.
As I got older, I started pushing back. I hated piano. Scratch that, I enjoyed playing, I hated practicing. Especially when dad was home. I hated making mistakes. When he was around, he was really good at pointing out my mistakes as I practiced. I was finally able to quit at age 12, but it sure took a lot of fighting. He was also really good at pointing out where I came up short in school. Grade 9 is a big year in Quebec, first year of provincial exams. I was in a 'big academic' high school, had done some gifted programs there, and was aware of the pressure of big exams where you were measured against all the other grade 9 students in the province. Geography was the class. I was a whiz. I went into the final exam with a year to date average of 95%. I completed the exam with a 97%. Top 3% of the whole province. What did dad say? "where is the other 3 percent?" Now, I know he was joking...sort of.
Then we moved to BC. I quickly figured out that the BC curriculum was way different from the QU one. It was easier. So I stopped working. I stopped caring. I stopped going to class. Dad wasn't home much, and it was easy to slack off without him being around much to push me. Besides, my little sister wasn't doing well in school, so it was easy to hide behind her shortcomings. I failed a class for the first time ever. It actually felt good. I coasted through high school, only doing what I had to do get by. I had lots of teachers talk to me about how well I could do, if I tried, if I wrote the papers, if I showed up. But I didn't care. It felt good to know that I could do it without trying. I didn't want to go to University, because dad wanted me to, and I was tired of making him happy.
I was also scared. I didn't know what I wanted to do! I was never the kid who knew from grade 1 that I wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a whatever. I just didn't know, and I wasn't about to make up my mind. I was too scared to mess up something big. High school was nothing, it was easy to get by, do the social thing to the best of my ability. I knew that University was big, and I didn't want to mess something big up. Something expensive. I hated failing. I was a perfectionist on my own, but the pushing from my dad sure didn't help. At all. I was also young, I wasn't ready to move away from home to go to school, and I couldn't deal with living at home - between my dad's expectations, I had a social group that wasn't big on university and I like to be a bit of a party girl.
So I did nothing. Put it off. (procrastination again, I'm really good at that) Heaven forbid I fail at something. I attempted a semester of college, 3 courses, at the insistence of my dad. THAT was a dismal failure. My GPA was...get this... .43. Yes that was a decimal point, with nothing before it. I was having too much fun, well, in life to attend class. I had a boyfriend, a semi-boyfriend, things to do, places to go, people to see...and none of them were in my classes.
Whatever. I moved on, found the Lord, met Rob...all good things. My teenage rebellion stuff was over. I was now doing what I wanted, to a point, not under my dad's pressure. That was good. But I was still dealing with my own pressure. Failing was still painful, hard and scary. I didn't like trying stuff I wasn't going to be good at right away. I didn't like coming up short at all.
I ended up going back to school. I did a 2 year diploma in PR. I was great at it, I was getting fantastic grades, especially in the academic courses. I was thrilled to be succeeding, excelling even. Being encouraged by some of my teachers to step out and do new things, to take the lead on projects. What a huge ego boost...and then coming home to a husband who was thrilled for me. He was supportive of me, regardless of my grades, where I stood in relation to the others in my class. That was wonderful.
Well, then I realized that corporate PR wasn't my thing at that point. I also got pregnant with Isaac. I worked, did great at my job, they wanted me to come back after mat leave ended. I chose to stay home with the little guy.
So now I face some of my issues as a parent. I was pushed to produce perfection. I then pushed myself in some ways. I don't want to pass that on to my kids. I struggle enough with not being able to ask for help when I need it, I *have* to have it together. I don't want my kids to feel that an attempt isn't good enough. That just trying isn't enough to win my affection. I love them no matter what. Their public faces don't elevate me, their accomplishments don't bring me glory, their strengths aren't my doing. I need to remind myself of that. I need to allow my kids to fail, to try their best and have that be ok. To try, to be, to experience. To hit a wrong note, to get dirty, to make mistakes. What I wish I had been able to do.
Now I'm not bitter, but I do wonder what might have been. I don't want to live vicariously through my kids, but I sure hope they don't carry the baggage over being perfect that I did. I don't fully blame my dad for this either, it was just a part of the bigger picture.
So I'm typing this out, while I 'should' be cleaning my kitchen...but it's late, and I felt like being a bit of a psychologist on myself...and the dishes will wait.
Let's backtrack a bit. Long story short, my father married my mother under less than honest circumstances. He portrayed himself as something other than what he felt he really was, and decided that having a family would fix everything. Catch was, that family had to be perfect. It had to look good. My mom was not pushy that way, but came from a long line of "stiff upper lip", "don't show your weakness" women. Not a great combination.
Being the compliant child I was, I bought into it easily. Good table manners, please and thank you, "party tricks" that I could pull out at dinner parties...all of that. Then dad figured out I was smart. I was reading by 3.5 (like my son!), was tested, and came up gifted. To keep me from being bored in school, I got put into music lessons. I did really well, despite being terribly shy, group lessons can help with that. Then dad started pushing me.
I was pushed to be the best in school, and I skipped a grade. I was pushed to be the best in music, and I didn't want to be. I was pushed to do everything well. Because, of course, MY doing well made dad look good, right? I can honestly say that I did do really well when I tried to. But I didn't like being pushed. I was shy, remember? I didn't like being "out there" as being "good" at stuff. That didn't fit with being pushed.
As I got older, I started pushing back. I hated piano. Scratch that, I enjoyed playing, I hated practicing. Especially when dad was home. I hated making mistakes. When he was around, he was really good at pointing out my mistakes as I practiced. I was finally able to quit at age 12, but it sure took a lot of fighting. He was also really good at pointing out where I came up short in school. Grade 9 is a big year in Quebec, first year of provincial exams. I was in a 'big academic' high school, had done some gifted programs there, and was aware of the pressure of big exams where you were measured against all the other grade 9 students in the province. Geography was the class. I was a whiz. I went into the final exam with a year to date average of 95%. I completed the exam with a 97%. Top 3% of the whole province. What did dad say? "where is the other 3 percent?" Now, I know he was joking...sort of.
Then we moved to BC. I quickly figured out that the BC curriculum was way different from the QU one. It was easier. So I stopped working. I stopped caring. I stopped going to class. Dad wasn't home much, and it was easy to slack off without him being around much to push me. Besides, my little sister wasn't doing well in school, so it was easy to hide behind her shortcomings. I failed a class for the first time ever. It actually felt good. I coasted through high school, only doing what I had to do get by. I had lots of teachers talk to me about how well I could do, if I tried, if I wrote the papers, if I showed up. But I didn't care. It felt good to know that I could do it without trying. I didn't want to go to University, because dad wanted me to, and I was tired of making him happy.
I was also scared. I didn't know what I wanted to do! I was never the kid who knew from grade 1 that I wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a whatever. I just didn't know, and I wasn't about to make up my mind. I was too scared to mess up something big. High school was nothing, it was easy to get by, do the social thing to the best of my ability. I knew that University was big, and I didn't want to mess something big up. Something expensive. I hated failing. I was a perfectionist on my own, but the pushing from my dad sure didn't help. At all. I was also young, I wasn't ready to move away from home to go to school, and I couldn't deal with living at home - between my dad's expectations, I had a social group that wasn't big on university and I like to be a bit of a party girl.
So I did nothing. Put it off. (procrastination again, I'm really good at that) Heaven forbid I fail at something. I attempted a semester of college, 3 courses, at the insistence of my dad. THAT was a dismal failure. My GPA was...get this... .43. Yes that was a decimal point, with nothing before it. I was having too much fun, well, in life to attend class. I had a boyfriend, a semi-boyfriend, things to do, places to go, people to see...and none of them were in my classes.
Whatever. I moved on, found the Lord, met Rob...all good things. My teenage rebellion stuff was over. I was now doing what I wanted, to a point, not under my dad's pressure. That was good. But I was still dealing with my own pressure. Failing was still painful, hard and scary. I didn't like trying stuff I wasn't going to be good at right away. I didn't like coming up short at all.
I ended up going back to school. I did a 2 year diploma in PR. I was great at it, I was getting fantastic grades, especially in the academic courses. I was thrilled to be succeeding, excelling even. Being encouraged by some of my teachers to step out and do new things, to take the lead on projects. What a huge ego boost...and then coming home to a husband who was thrilled for me. He was supportive of me, regardless of my grades, where I stood in relation to the others in my class. That was wonderful.
Well, then I realized that corporate PR wasn't my thing at that point. I also got pregnant with Isaac. I worked, did great at my job, they wanted me to come back after mat leave ended. I chose to stay home with the little guy.
So now I face some of my issues as a parent. I was pushed to produce perfection. I then pushed myself in some ways. I don't want to pass that on to my kids. I struggle enough with not being able to ask for help when I need it, I *have* to have it together. I don't want my kids to feel that an attempt isn't good enough. That just trying isn't enough to win my affection. I love them no matter what. Their public faces don't elevate me, their accomplishments don't bring me glory, their strengths aren't my doing. I need to remind myself of that. I need to allow my kids to fail, to try their best and have that be ok. To try, to be, to experience. To hit a wrong note, to get dirty, to make mistakes. What I wish I had been able to do.
Now I'm not bitter, but I do wonder what might have been. I don't want to live vicariously through my kids, but I sure hope they don't carry the baggage over being perfect that I did. I don't fully blame my dad for this either, it was just a part of the bigger picture.
So I'm typing this out, while I 'should' be cleaning my kitchen...but it's late, and I felt like being a bit of a psychologist on myself...and the dishes will wait.
Drill queen!
I love my power tools! Yesterday, I mananged to finally put up the shelving we bought for the upstairs bathroom. Drilling, measuring, using the level....and they are level too! I'm thrilled with the result. Yay me.
Friday, June 02, 2006
yesterday's post...
...could now be titled "weeping and gnashing of TOOTH" Ruby now has one tooth, just the start of it, hovering above the gumline. It's partner is not far behind. She is growing up way too fast. *sob*
Thursday, June 01, 2006
weeping and gnashing of teeth
at least, there would be, if she HAD teeth.
The kids and I all have head colds. Lots of snot. Ruby, however, is combining this cold with what appears to be teething and separation anxiety. Nice timing.
The first two teeth hover just below the gumline and show promise of peeking through soon. I hope so. She's heavy and it's starting to really wear me out. Cooking meals with a baby on my back is starting to lose its charm.
The kids and I all have head colds. Lots of snot. Ruby, however, is combining this cold with what appears to be teething and separation anxiety. Nice timing.
The first two teeth hover just below the gumline and show promise of peeking through soon. I hope so. She's heavy and it's starting to really wear me out. Cooking meals with a baby on my back is starting to lose its charm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
