reflections on changes

I'm in the midst of doing late summer/early fall 'harvesting'. I've been working at doing things with my garden produce, which is rather plentiful, and other fruits/veggies on hand. I'm freezing 20 pounds of peaches tomorrow, and need to grate up yet another mammoth zucchini for the freezer. Today, I baked bread and cookies for Isaac's lunch box.

Such a change from when Rob and I married. Back then, I wasn't much of a cook at all. I could do basics - spaghetti, lasagna, hamburger helper. I didn't really have the ease in the kitchen that I now do. It's really easy for me to whip up something tasty, easy and healthy without much effort. I make my own pizza crust because I prefer it to store bought, not just for economic reasons. I prefer homemade bread to store bought. I'm doing things I never imagined I would be, and enjoying them.

Beyond just food though (although food is great!), I feel that I've changed so much over the last 10 years or so. I'm more confident about some things, less stressed about others. More capable at a lot of things, yet need to show the world my abilities less than I used to...I'm less demanding of the spotlight and attention. I guess in some ways I'm more grown up, more myself than I used to be.

Being a mom was a huge contributing factor to change, naturally. It's actually sad that there are parenting philosophies out there that promote the idea that parenting doesn't change you. It does - it needs to change you. Becoming a mother has changed so much of my heart and my mind, I can't imagine liking myself as much if I hadn't gone through the changes of parenthood. Not to say that non-parents aren't likeable ;) but that *I* really appreciate the refining and changing that being a mom has brought into my life. I do like parts of myself more...and am so much more aware of the parts that aren't so great - it's hard to hide those bits when dealing with small children all day. I'm rather aware of my shortcomings...which is also a good thing. Make them easier to reflect on, work on and deal with when you can't hide them as easily.

It just makes me wonder how much more change I will go through in the next 10 years. How much more different aspects of my personality will look in a decade or two. What events life will throw at me that will bring about change, facilitate change, or even force it.

I wonder how much the people around me have changed, would I see it in them like I see it in myself? Would they see it in me?

Have *you* changed? What brought change into your life?

whirlwind week

whew! It's been *such* a week. I can't believe it's almost September already. Isaac was at my mom's last week, and I headed down with the girls on Wednesday afternoon. Rob came down that night, as he needed the car in town, and had loose ends to tie up here with some funeral arrangements.

We shopped - yay for all the back to school sales. Kids are set for fall and into winter, barring any major growth spurts. We drank coffee - yay Starbucks at hand. We had a date - yay grandmothers. We even had a little road trip/overnighter. Rob had to be at an ordination service on the other side of the province on Friday night, and we ended up going together, taking Ruby along AND overnighting at J and D's place enroute. D is another priest in the diocese, and J is his lovely wife with some mad quilting skills. They have 2 lovely little boys, and it was so nice to have a (quick) visit with them. I hope we can return the favour some day for them.

Now, I'm all caught up in the blur of the last few days before Fall. Although, while driving home yesterday, I did see some trees with leaves in colours that weren't just green. :/ Then I also saw some geese flying south. Rather ominous, if you ask me.

Isaac is in bed, hopefully asleep. He's awfully excited about starting Kindergarten tomorrow. I'm kind of excited too, but more in that sick feeling in the tummy kind of way. I can't believe he's starting school. He's got the new backpack, fresh labels on all his stuff, and an outfit picked out already. I've just baked some muffins for the parent orientation thing tomorrow, and I think I'm just about as ready as I can be for that first day. I just hope it stops raining, rain makes for less than pretty first day pictures.

woo hoo - a date!

a lovely date with a handsome man...who just happens to be the man I'm married to. I got to wear a dress and makeup, and we strolled to the car and back holding hands. We don't do that often, so it's a real treat.

The babysitter was great too - all 3 kids were asleep when we got home. Thanks, mom.

Is there any sound in the world that sounds more like "summer at the lake" than the *thwack* of a screen door?

We had a lovely week and a bit vacation at a cabin "up at the lake" this past week. It was great, even though the weather was less than cooperative. It only rained one day, but was way too cold for August thankyouverymuch. I've never had to run space heaters so consistently in August before. At least the breezy days kept the bugs to a minimum.

Digging in sand, wading in cold water, watching your smallest child attempt and succeed at climbing that should be beyond her ability, some great ice cream, mini-golf, walks, Scrabble, coffee and conversation. What a great week. I am so thankful for the cabin loan.

Good thing I didn't fully succeed at burning it down....let's just say that Kristin had another little kitchen mishap involving a small grease fire in the oven. for the record, it cleaned up beautifully.

more stay at home thoughts

I've been struggling these days with wanting to be out of the house more. The idea of working again has been tempting some days. Then I realize how totally impractical it is. A week of working Vacation Bible School - only half days! - and I'm so beat, and my house is showing it. I've been gone from Ruby more than usual, and that's been hard too. I'm tired, and I can't imagine doing it every week. Throw in that we can't afford the daycare, and it would be so SO silly for me to consider working again. We've never had the option of having family care for our kids, and even here, where prices are cheaper, daycare costs would pretty much cancel out any salary I would earn.

My hat is off to women who are able to balance work and kids. It must be so hard.

Not to mention I've seen a couple of our local daycare workers in action. I'd rather my kids be with me, I know them and love them better than any daycare provider could. Some of these women I've observed have been really great with the kids, but I can't say the same for all of them. Not that they are horrible, they aren't. They aren't quite the same as mom, and that's a good reminder why I am home.

I can get over myself having a bad day at home, or feeling like I'm a touch bored from time to time. That's ok. I can deal. I also love not having to follow someone else's schedule for my time, and that is a HUGE plus. Some days, it's hard not to look at the "other side of the fence" and wonder what it would be like.

August blahs

There is something about August that always gives me a case of the 'blahs'. Maybe it's because the return of Fall is closer at hand. Could be because the days are getting shorter, and the evenings are often cooler - at least they were in BC. It just feels like summer goes by way too quickly, and this is the month where everything starts to get a bit brown (because we don't really 'do' lawn watering) and the crispness of Fall shows it's face. Last summer, we vacationed in August, but that really didn't change the blahs.

This August is no exception. My firstborn starts school in a matter of weeks. He's excited, and I'm of mixed emotions about it. I think the first day of school is the 28th. So soon, too soon. Starting Kindergarten introduces us to a whole new world. Not just school, and all that comes with it, but a new way for our family to be ruled by the calender. We worked our way around Rob's and my student days by following the semesters of school and I was so glad when that ended. Now, we're getting back into it. The school board puts out the dates of school, and we are supposed to play along. That puts a damper on impromptu trips to the city, or skipping out on stuff and having a pj day for all the kids. I don't like having to be tied to a schedule not of my own making.

I really want to do some serious decluttering and reorganizing. I want to have a yard sale and sell off all this baby stuff that is cluttering up my laundry room. I want to really clean out my kitchen cupboards. There just hasn't been TIME. Between the kids, things we have committed to this summer, the heat wave we've been in, and just enjoying life, it's not really been a possibility. Also, I just don't want to really DO it, because that would involve admitting that September is just around the corner. Sooner than I would like, these hot days and long sunsets will end and I'll be looking towards another loooong stretch of snow and cold.

See why I have the blahs?