where to go...

It's not quite February, but it's time for us to be planning our vacation for this year.

We may be going back to camp for a week, but nothing is set yet. We are also going to be taking close to a week in October to go to Vernon for a wedding. That leaves us with just over 3 weeks time.

We did Vancouver last year. And we don't want to go every year, despite some family pressure to do that. I want to go east to see friends, but it would be either very a) expensive to fly and then rent a car or b) long to drive there with the kids. It would be great to do...but the actual logistics of it aren't that easy to plan. We could look into renting a cabin at the lakes near here, but that is still so close to home, I'm not sure if it would feel like a real vacation. In fact, we could totally rent a cabin for a week, and Rob could work from the cabin and come into town on Sunday. We could drive down to visit Rob's grandmother and extended family in the southern part of the province...but I can't see us spending our whole vacation in Weyburn. (yawn)

There is also the possibility of people coming here to visit. I know at least 2 people/parties have already talked about doing that. Just need to figure that out too.

I need a plan.

"Getting away from your kids"

This is an issue that comes up frequently on my "motherboard". It's also one I hear about rather frequently in my life. The *need* to get away from your kids.

I don't really agree with it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love to have my *me* time in the day. The time when the kids nap/have quiet time in the afternoon. The post-bedtime hours when I don't have to be 'mom on call'. When I'm at the pool for aquafit classes, or step out without the kids to get my haircut. I love that time, time to recharge my brain, to talk to other adults, to not negotiate who has the next turn on the trampoline or who wants their apple cut into slices. I also have a totally fantastic and competent husband who is an amazing father and is able to parent when I'm not around.

I don't get the need to leave tiny children for extended periods, or when they are in needy stages to get away. I could give specifics of people I know who have made choices that I wouldn't have made by leaving little children/babies for too long or too early for my liking...but that wouldn't be kind. They aren't my choices or my children.

Thing is, they are my children. They are my responsibility, and it's me (or Rob) that they want and need. Why deny them that when they are so little? Yes, I need *me* time, but I won't take it at the expense of my children. Not when I have a nursling who wakes at night and doesn't (by choice or by chance) take a bottle, or a toddler who is dealing with separation anxiety. I don't need to leave tiny children for a week to laze on a beach somewhere and connect with my husband to make our marriage better. I just don't. And I don't understand those who do. I don't.

I find that there are many, many opportunities to connect with my husband, without needing to rush out for weekends away. We can have romantic moments at home, with the little ones sleeping in the next room - we don't have to pass them off to extended family to care for while we do what we want to do. We can still *date* in the comfort of our own home and have it be enough to keep our marriage fires burning. Because our children are little and need us - right now. This phase is short, and it goes so quickly, I'm not willing to compromise it for my own desires.

My oldest child is almost 5, and he does weekends away at my mom's. He is ready for that. He can handle the separation and looks forward to those times. Nothing got him ready for that kind of separation but time. He wouldn't have done so well with that kind of thing at 4, 10, 18 months. Now he's happy to spend a couple of nights away, and we're happy to have him go. He isn't sad when we are separated, but we all miss each other...but we know that it isn't for long. He's old enough to understand that we will be coming back. That's a skill that our 14 month old doesn't have yet, or even our 2 year old.

I guess what I don't fully understand is the need to push our children into being 'independant' before they are ready to be. We won't produce children who are 'too attached' or 'coddled' by being there for them when they need it - quite the opposite, in fact. Tiny ones need the stability of mom (and/or dad) in those first couple of years. Nursing babies shouldn't have to 'just take a bottle' for the convienence of mom's social life. These are things I have been told I should do...often by those who don't have children. ;) I don't need to leave my children for extended periods to take care of myself. That's not something I'm willing to do. Not yet. The time will come when taking a weekend away is totally feasible. I'm not willing to push my children 'into independance' to see it happen.

After the visit

I had such a great visit with Bonnie. It was so great to finally meet the person behind the voice and typing. Ya, probably seems strange to have someone I didn't really 'know' come and stay with us...but this is the age of internet dating, so why not internet friendship? ;)

Lots of great talks, kids got along great considering there were 5 under 5 in the house, and some good laughs. Wish it was longer, but maybe next time. And there will be a next time, there has to be.

Yesterday, I hit a wall of tiredness. After being 'go go go' since last week, and 2 days of driving to Edmonton and back again, it hit me hard. I just vegged out on the couch and whined at Rob, ok, not *at* him, but in his general direction. He refilled my coffee and hugged me. That was good. My house needs a good cleaning right now, and I'm out of energy. It will happen, probably tomorrow. There is always tomorrow!

counting the hours!

woo hoo! in mere hours I'll be picking up B and her kids for a visit! Isaac is excited to meet Nathan, and Norah is confused by the mention of "the other Nora". I'm excited too. House guests!

Houseguests who I really hope don't freeze. It's a huge difference in climate from 'there' to 'here'.

I had such a busy day today. I think I hit brain meltdown around 7 pm. I did get a lot of stuff done. I got a new haircut today, and I really like the way it looks all styled...so I don't want to sleep on it. I will probably never be able to replicate this look again. sigh. oh well, it looks good now.

I've hesitated to post...

Not that I belive in jinxing myself, but I really think that I've found my groove with 3 kids. A good groove. Life is happening, and it's feeling good. I'm finding balance in my days, mostly enough rest in my nights, and giggles daily. It's good. I like it.

I'm on a bit of a roll (ok, 2 times) with playgroup. I don't feel like crying when we go. In fact, I'm enjoying it as more than 'just getting out of the house already'.

I'm feeling good. It's showing in how I'm dealing with the kids too.

a few in a row

It's really been a few fantastic days in a row here, kid-wise. Yes, Norah is still having 'out of nowhere' meltdowns from time to time. I can work with that. Ruby had a small fall and got a bit of a fat lip tonight, but I can handle that. It's good. I've really been enjoying the kids a lot lately. It's nice.

cold snap, warm heart

The cold snap lingers on. This morning, it took a lot of energy and will to get out the door for church. As the temperature hovered just around the -40 mark, what I really wanted to be doing was spending a quiet morning in the house finishing off the coffee. Instead, I was herding the children out to the (pre-warmed) van to go worship our Lord.

I didn't teach a Sunday school class today, as we were having a double baptism. I kept the kids with me during the service, and they did great. I'm really impressed at how well they are able to handle a service 'from the pews' at their ages. After church, and coffee time, G and S had everyone from the family over to their house for lunch and we were invited too. Rob had to head out for his second service and I decided to brave the typical post-church delayed naptime, which could easily turn into meltdown city.

I was pleasantly surprised. My children, all 3 of them, were fantastic. Not that I expect less than 'good' behaviour in public, I just know that 1 pm is a hit or miss time for the girls. It was a hit. They were a hit, actually. G's sister R was telling me how much she was enjoying my children's presence at the event, how well they listened (I double checked to see whose children had come with me - nope, they were mine!), how polite Isaac and Norah were, and how much fun Ruby was. We had lunch, mingled and left without a meltdown, injury or any chance for mom to lose her temper. What a blessing to have such a great day, especially given my typical Sunday afternoon post-church meltdowns, as the stress of 'doing church' with the kids will often do me in. I think it helped I avoided sugar all day too. ;)

The afternoon after getting home was also good - given the late naps by the girls. Isaac and I had some fun tidying up the living room, starting supper, and 'making mail' for his homemade mailbox. He amazes me daily with his ability to spell and write, not to mention read. Rob got home just before 5, and we had a fantastic dinner - pork roast, with a nice bottle of red. We all giggled and chatted through the meal, and really enjoyed each other's company. Nice.

All in all, just a smooth, lovely day. They are all tucked in bed right now, cozy and peaceful. The space heaters run, to keep the chilly bedrooms toasty. The dinner dishes are done, the wine has *just* been finished, the house feels like home. Despite the cold outside, and the ice on the windows, it's warm in here. Warm and loving and just right. If I were Goldilocks, *this* would be where I would lie down and proclaim "just right".

Antoher day, another funeral

Or not.

We're having a snowstorm/blizzard here right now. It's been snowing since last night, and it's so, so windy. The snow is drifting in strange patterns, and it has covered our front walkway that was so nicely cleared for us by a neighbour. I'm so glad I heeded the weather warning and hit the grocery store yesterday, so we can stay indoors. brrr.

Rob, however, is waiting to hear if the funeral he is supposed to do this afternoon is still on. There is family due to come from out of town, and all the highways are closed.

In fact, all the highways in this part of the province are closed. It's a large stretch from north of here down to Saskatoon and even further south. It's actually a bit of a sober reminder of how isolated we are here. In the event of a major injury, we would have to rely on our small hospital here - which would be fine in some cases...but not all. And with these weather conditions, a medivac air transport would be impossible as well. Goodness, that makes one feel small and a touch vulnerable.

So, I'm sticking with coffee, comfy track pants and fuzzy slippers for today. Not venturing out at all. nu-uh

some days, it really freaks me out to see some of the pics on our niece's blog. DH and his brother look SO much alike in some photos. I think to myself "when did Rob shave, and why is he playing with Katie?"

my first post of 2007

I've been cleaning like a madwoman. We're hosting our Open House tomorrow - Epiphany. Finally, after putting it off after Judy's funeral. It's a lot of work, but I love hosting stuff like this - anyone remember our Open Houses back in the day?

The house has been getting completely cleaned. It's a lot harder to do with the kids around though. They tend to mess things up as soon as I clean them. I'm also working on removing fingerprints from places we never had to worry about pre-kids. I really hope we can keep things looking this nice until tomorrow afternoon. It's a lot harder to do our floors too, with these stupid gaps in between the boards. Blah.

I'm also off sugar. Yikes! All the reading I've been doing points towards it being a good idea for me to do. It's just hard. Really hard. Do you know how hard it is to find sugar free yogurt that DOESN'T have Splenda in it? I'm trying to avoid fake sugar too. It's been going better than I expected, but today I did cheat a bit. Needed to sample our punch - we are trying out a new one. Most of my good punch recipes contain citrus of some sort, which Norah can't have. Then I made some fudge, and licked the spoon afterwards. Not a lot though.

Rob has managed to wire up both our computers now, so we don't have to fight for internet use. The laptop is now wireless as well. Nice. It only took a couple of phone calls to his brother ;)

Winter is here for sure now. We have had a couple of days of temperatures near freezing, which did a fun number on the snow. Instead of soft, fluffy snow, it's now crusty. :/ Oh well. At least we had some lovely, mild days. I took the kids sledding yesterday, and am trying to get some video up on their blog but haven't had success yet.

Anyway, this is just rambly. I'll post more later.