Saturdays

In general, I think I have a tendency towards being slightly agoraphobic. I've never been a fan of being outside without having a real reason. Particularly just "going for a walk". I liked a destination, and even that wasn't always my main motivation to get out. I have spent periods of my life where I would consciously avoid the "outside world" for stretches of time.

There is no more time where that is apparent than on Saturday. For years, Saturday has been the lamest day on our family calendar. The hubby has been busy on Saturdays as long as we've had children, it's never been much of a "family day" here. There is often so little to do, so few places to go, and I'm much more content to stick around in the house, in my own small world. When the kids were tinier, it was because going places with more than one small one was just *not* something I cared to do. Now, it's just as pleasant to stay home.

Some days, I think that makes me a lousy mom. I should be motivated to take the kids for walks and to the park. At the same time, they love playing in the yard. It's not like I keep them cooped up in the house. Just that we tend to stick close to home on Saturdays. However, if we go out somewhere, we always enjoy it and have fun.

I wonder how I can get over this tendency.

Optimism...

I took this photo today, while on a "feeder highway". I liked the way it looked, and how it kind of captures where I'm feeling these days.

I'm feeling really good right now, and most of that is from external feedback. I know that I shouldn't base my worth on what others say, but this feedback was so validating. First, a woman from our church brought me a flowering plant, to thank me for all that I do in the church. She said that she knows not everyone sees what I do, but that she does, and she's thankful for all that I do. That made my week.

Then, the other night, I was out for drinks with some girlfriends. Got to talking to one of the women about a subject that we are both pretty passionate about...and the conversation just really took off. I shared with her an idea or two that I have, and she was really encouraging of both my ideas, and my vision. Encouraging of what potential she sees in me, and that I need to explore. Which is exactly the thing I've been feeling I need to *do* something with, but have been hesitating and holding back.

Being encouraged in what I'm doing, and what I could be doing....that is just so validating, uplifting AND motivating.

I need to stretch myself and explore the possibilities.

mature cheese

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I've been busy with life, I guess. It happens :)

So, the title of this post might need some 'splaining. My mom was up this weekend for a visit. We were sitting at the table over supper and talking, the kids had all gotten down and were off playing. Mom asks if the kids like "mature cheese", meaning a sharp cheddar (which they do). Then DH, mom and I all started laughing at the term "mature cheese"...and pondered what "mature cheese" might look like. The hubby's response?

Mature cheese doesn't giggle when you cut it.

you can't fool me, yogurt

I love yogurt. The more natural, real, the better. I love my homemade crockpot yogurt (even if nobody else in the house does). I really enjoy yogurt.

Which is why I'm so disappointed. Did the yogurt makers really think we were that stupid? That slow? That they thought they could sneak it by us?

The "big" containers of yogurt are now pretty much universally 100 grams smaller. Sure, many of them have fancy new "fridge door friendly" packages. Still.

Yogurt, did you really think we were that slow, that we wouldn't notice?

I'm watching you, dairy, my eyes are open.

something I'd like to do

Today, yes today, it's snowing. It's been an icky day weather-wise and my only inclination has been to do...next to nothing. Which is pretty much how I spent my day with the kids. They played, we read books, I kept the music flowing as needed, fed them, baked bread, folded some laundry, and played on ebay.

Maybe it's the out of season weather. Maybe it's that I'm feeling like a change. Whatever it is, I've got an idea in my head. I want to check out of everyday life for a stretch, take the kids and RV our way across North America. Just imagine the education our children would get, seeing so many parts of the continent. Getting to experience geography, culture, travel....all while traveling like turtles with our home on our backs.

I'm not thinking in the next 6 months or anything, but rather in a couple of years. When all three kids are school age, probably all reading, and ready to handle a bit more adventure it would be more feasible. With the right RV, and vehicle to tow it (which we don't currently have), it could be totally possible. Even if we managed to work out a 6-12 month leave from work for the hubby, and some careful financial planning, this could happen. I have dreams of driving through places we've never seen, taking pictures of the kids on both coasts, and everywhere in between. The learning experience would be invaluable for us all. It could be life changing.

The problem is that the hubby thinks I'm kind of crazy.

I admit it

I am not, nor never was a fan of boy bands. I am generally not a huge pop music fan. I tend to not like the overly likable celebrities.

But Justin Timberlake? Whole 'nother kettle of fish. I think it's the cute guy tied up with enough self confidence to be able to be self-depreciating and able to laugh at himself. Watched SNL last night with him hosting (while DH hung out in the basement watching the hockey game) and laughed. A lot. I have a bit of a celebrity crush, I think.

I can admit it. Who is your celebrity crush? You know you have one.

I lied

I bought the cell phone. It's on a pay as you go plan (for now), so I'm not planning to use it all the time...but still, it's pretty and it is MINE.

cell phones

This past weekend, I went to our local trade fair at the arena with my friend J. (Although, that hardly narrows it down - almost all my good friends here in town have names that start with J, it's almost like a pre-requisite)

We did some good shopping. I found some scrapbooking supplies, and we both found really nice necklaces. Then I stopped by one of the booths and was looking at cell phones. Found one I really liked, and it was a great deal. It's really strange though, I haven't been a regular cell user since we moved here. I had a cell back in Vancouver, and I used it quite a bit. Now? Hardly ever. We do have a cell, it's technically the hubby's, and we got it for work-related reasons. It hardly is ever used. If one of us is on the road out of town, we take it, otherwise, it's mostly unused. Even now that I *have* friends in town, we're all moms...it's so much easier to facebook a message or email than it is to call. Then we can respond when it's easier. I'd love to have a cell, specifically *that* cell phone, but I really don't *need* it. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times in the last 4 years that we've been even slightly stuck with not having two cell phones.

It's actually kind of nice knowing that I don't need to be connected this way. I'm easy enough to track down without me going mobile. Nice. Really.

accomplished!

Today was a big day in our home, finance-wise. We paid off the van today. We now fully own both our vehicles. This is a very good feeling.

However, lest we feel we're getting ahead, the hubby's car really needs new tires.

candy from strangers

My son's birthday is this week, and I'm in party planning/cake making mode. This year's cake is going to be a golf course theme.

After picking him up from school today, I decided to run him by one of the local convenience stores with me to see if we could find the candy we need for decoration. We didn't have any luck, as that store only carries chocolate bars, ice cream and slushes. So we headed back to the van, when a young man came up to the van window and held up a hand, indicating I should wait a minute. I rolled down the window, and he asked me if I was the woman looking for candy. Um, yes. He said "I can hook you up"....pardon? Then he told me he was the Cadbury man, on a merch trip, and he had some things in his van he could give me. I think one of the packages he gave me might work too.

It just felt like I was being given contraband candy in the parking lot of the store.

spring cleaning

Right now, I would love to be doing some Spring cleaning. I did some last week, and still have lots to do. The problem is that Spring is, well, springing here. Which means that it's now mud season. It's really hard to get ahead on the spring cleaning, when I'm playing catch up. Between all the muddy outdoor clothes my kids are bringing in, I've got all the dirty spots at our entrances because of the mud they are tracking in. D'oh!

I really want to get everything clean, fresh and ready for Spring. It's just slow going right now.

On a brighter note, I can see more grass in the yard every day!

a wee little vent

If I'm out for an evening, and my very capable, very loving, very cute husband is home with our children, he is NOT babysitting. He is *parenting*. Please do not confuse the two.

Besides, I couldn't afford his rates for babysitting.

still alive

Life has just been happening. Vacation to warm destination. Lots of fun with the kids. Trying to dig out from vacation prep and aftermath. Church and school and friends and activities. The deep freeze of late winter.

That's where I've been.

Squeal!!

Lost!!!

It's back tonight. I have to wait until it's done taping on the vcr (we're so old school) because we are hosting bible study tonight.

My friends are back!!!

moment of panic

Ever make a decision that seems right at the time, and then totally freak out about it down the road? That was me today. Correction, that was me around 4am, when I woke up from a dream that had me questioning a choice, and how things would play out. Then I laid there for far too long thinking. I've had dreams like that before - the one where I attended my own wedding in black high top runners in a too-short dress, the one where I traded my first child for a kitten, the one where I had a massive milk let down in public (wait, that was a dream, right??).

In any case, I've had a day of wondering if I make smart choices, if I'm just dumb after all.

My husband, in his supportive wisdom offered me the following tidbit. Moses had moments like that, railed at God that he wasn't good enough...and God agreed with him. Yet, God also promised to be with Moses through it all.

I'm not sure if that reassured me or not. Let's just say I haven't spotted any burning bushes lately. Then again, it's still cold.

At least he hugged me before that. I think that redeemed the conversation. It's a good thing he's cute. :)

I'm so tired of winter

I know it's only January, but I'm so over winter. Friends and family out in BC have been complaining about snow, and I understand that they have had a lot, and it's wet, and the area isn't prepared to handle it. Yadda, yadda.

At least you guys can go outside already! The warmest it's been here in over a month is -19C/-3F. Throw in wind chills keeping us well below -30C/-22, dipping down to -54C/-65....well, I'm done. My van isn't running right now - battery needs a jump. The hubby jumped it on Sunday, then turned it off too early, and it's just too cold to bother doing it again right now. So I take his car. Which reminds me WHY we have a van - 3 kids sitting that close together, packed like sardines with their winter coats, it's just not that fun.

This winter is cold, dark (where is my prairie sunshine? where the heck is it already??) and windy. I've upped my omega-3 supplements. Which is helping, provided I take them before breakfast and coffee. Otherwise, the coffee/fishy burps that result are not pretty at all. gak

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deep turquoise and chocolate brown

I love clothes. I love makeup. I'm just not that great at either. I can be quite a girly-girl, given the chance. I just don't often get that chance - shocking I know, but with my life and it's pace, there isn't always time to put into my appearance that I might have if I were still without children/working/had money to spend on myself like I once did. I also don't always find the clothes I like best in my size, or to fit my shape (which is pretty, um, round)

Anyhow, I also run into the issue of lack of selection where I live. For clothing and makeup. I have also gotten somewhat out of touch as to what is stylish, as, well, see above. It's not easy to keep in touch with what one doesn't get a chance to participate in, if you know what I mean.

So, I need some new eye makeup. At least, I needed some new eye makeup. It was time, I was feeling a bit repetitive with the eyeliner/shadow combo I had, and my much loved jar of MAC multi-use product was getting low. What did I do about it? My usual, of course.

I walked into a Shoppers Drug Mart and checked out the woman working at the makeup department. If she looks well put together, and well groomed, these women can be really helpful! I walked up to her and said "this is my face, these are the colors of everything, I'm mostly low maintenance, but I'm willing to be a bit bolder. I need some eyeliner, what do you suggest - oh, and it has to be inexpensive".

Amazingly, that is often all these women need! The woman I spoke to while in the city asked me a couple of questions, and led me over to a fabulous (and cheap!!) display of deeply colored eye-shadow duo packs. Pointed out the combination she thought would work well with my skin, hair and eyes. Deep turquoise and chocolate brown. I already had the brush needed to apply, to use them like eyeliner, but with the flexibility of shadow. Win/win.

It is pretty, and I'm very pleased with the new addition to my repitoire of make up.

good parenting moment?

Tonight, while putting the girls to bed with prayers and songs, we all had the giggles. Mom, dad, both daughters, all giggling. I'm not quite sure what was so funny, but it may have included older daughter trying to sing prayers and saying "that just sounds terrible". It could have been dad doing his "gruff daddy serious voice", that the girls do not take seriously - because, after all, they are adorable little girls who can render him totally powerless with a "daddy, I love you".

In any case, we were giggling. Which turned to laughing. Which turned to older daughter actually throwing up.

whoops.

Now, thankfully, it wasn't much, and thanks to my forethought, there was another sheet under the sheet of her top bunk.

We did react the way any good parent would.

We laughed.

Welcome to 2009!

My Christmas and time around it was just wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. The kids gifts were all good (it helps when family sends money and leaves you in charge of buying). The events around Christmas all went smoothly enough. We went to a few parties and gathering that were lots of fun. My mom came up for Christmas, and that was good. I didn't get much in the way of gifts, and that was good because what I got was what I needed or wanted.

After spending Christmas here, we headed down to my mom's in the city for a couple of days. That was great too. A bit of shopping, visiting the "Enchanted Forest" drive through light display, fun things with the kids - and my birthday supper out with the hubby. We went to a newer place that does fondue. Lots of fun, and a nice chance to talk and relax, followed by a couple of hours in a bookstore. I had a new outfit to wear, and felt great. We were disappointed and saddened to hear of the death of one of our church members during the post-Christmas days, and that did put a bit of a damper on things.

New Year's Eve was great too. Friends hosted a house party, 8 adults and 11 kids (the oldest 4 are in grade 1). Almost all the kids stayed up until midnight - in our time zone too! We ate great food, had fun conversation, and the kids mostly got along well too. Ahh, wonderful. My littlest had a meltdown as we left, but really, that was to be expected - how often is my 3 year old up until 12:15 am!

I'm just really loving my life these days. Things feel good. 2008 was a pretty good year. Despite us starting out 2008 with a serious case of influenza in the house, things turned around nicely, and it was great. I can only hope and pray that 2009 is as good. I have some great friends, close by and away. We have travel plans to get out of the snow for a week. We've got ideas for fun things to do in the summer. Middle child starts preschool 2 days a week this month, and the kids are growing and changing all the time.

As I'm thinking about just having a birthday, I realizing how much more comfortable I am with myself. How much more I like myself these days. There is something nice about being in my 30's, something more real than my 20's felt like. I'm more ok with my own flaws and shortcoming than ever before, and that's a great feeling. I'm not thrilled with getting older (um, laugh lines and gray hair!), but I'm not afraid of the maturing and refining that seems to come with getting older. Having a birthday that falls right around the turn of the year gives me a double opportunity to reflect on the past and consider the future. I look forward to this new year, the blank slate before me. May my reflections on 2009 be as wonderful in my mind as 2008.