still alive

Life has just been happening. Vacation to warm destination. Lots of fun with the kids. Trying to dig out from vacation prep and aftermath. Church and school and friends and activities. The deep freeze of late winter.

That's where I've been.

Squeal!!

Lost!!!

It's back tonight. I have to wait until it's done taping on the vcr (we're so old school) because we are hosting bible study tonight.

My friends are back!!!

moment of panic

Ever make a decision that seems right at the time, and then totally freak out about it down the road? That was me today. Correction, that was me around 4am, when I woke up from a dream that had me questioning a choice, and how things would play out. Then I laid there for far too long thinking. I've had dreams like that before - the one where I attended my own wedding in black high top runners in a too-short dress, the one where I traded my first child for a kitten, the one where I had a massive milk let down in public (wait, that was a dream, right??).

In any case, I've had a day of wondering if I make smart choices, if I'm just dumb after all.

My husband, in his supportive wisdom offered me the following tidbit. Moses had moments like that, railed at God that he wasn't good enough...and God agreed with him. Yet, God also promised to be with Moses through it all.

I'm not sure if that reassured me or not. Let's just say I haven't spotted any burning bushes lately. Then again, it's still cold.

At least he hugged me before that. I think that redeemed the conversation. It's a good thing he's cute. :)

I'm so tired of winter

I know it's only January, but I'm so over winter. Friends and family out in BC have been complaining about snow, and I understand that they have had a lot, and it's wet, and the area isn't prepared to handle it. Yadda, yadda.

At least you guys can go outside already! The warmest it's been here in over a month is -19C/-3F. Throw in wind chills keeping us well below -30C/-22, dipping down to -54C/-65....well, I'm done. My van isn't running right now - battery needs a jump. The hubby jumped it on Sunday, then turned it off too early, and it's just too cold to bother doing it again right now. So I take his car. Which reminds me WHY we have a van - 3 kids sitting that close together, packed like sardines with their winter coats, it's just not that fun.

This winter is cold, dark (where is my prairie sunshine? where the heck is it already??) and windy. I've upped my omega-3 supplements. Which is helping, provided I take them before breakfast and coffee. Otherwise, the coffee/fishy burps that result are not pretty at all. gak

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deep turquoise and chocolate brown

I love clothes. I love makeup. I'm just not that great at either. I can be quite a girly-girl, given the chance. I just don't often get that chance - shocking I know, but with my life and it's pace, there isn't always time to put into my appearance that I might have if I were still without children/working/had money to spend on myself like I once did. I also don't always find the clothes I like best in my size, or to fit my shape (which is pretty, um, round)

Anyhow, I also run into the issue of lack of selection where I live. For clothing and makeup. I have also gotten somewhat out of touch as to what is stylish, as, well, see above. It's not easy to keep in touch with what one doesn't get a chance to participate in, if you know what I mean.

So, I need some new eye makeup. At least, I needed some new eye makeup. It was time, I was feeling a bit repetitive with the eyeliner/shadow combo I had, and my much loved jar of MAC multi-use product was getting low. What did I do about it? My usual, of course.

I walked into a Shoppers Drug Mart and checked out the woman working at the makeup department. If she looks well put together, and well groomed, these women can be really helpful! I walked up to her and said "this is my face, these are the colors of everything, I'm mostly low maintenance, but I'm willing to be a bit bolder. I need some eyeliner, what do you suggest - oh, and it has to be inexpensive".

Amazingly, that is often all these women need! The woman I spoke to while in the city asked me a couple of questions, and led me over to a fabulous (and cheap!!) display of deeply colored eye-shadow duo packs. Pointed out the combination she thought would work well with my skin, hair and eyes. Deep turquoise and chocolate brown. I already had the brush needed to apply, to use them like eyeliner, but with the flexibility of shadow. Win/win.

It is pretty, and I'm very pleased with the new addition to my repitoire of make up.

good parenting moment?

Tonight, while putting the girls to bed with prayers and songs, we all had the giggles. Mom, dad, both daughters, all giggling. I'm not quite sure what was so funny, but it may have included older daughter trying to sing prayers and saying "that just sounds terrible". It could have been dad doing his "gruff daddy serious voice", that the girls do not take seriously - because, after all, they are adorable little girls who can render him totally powerless with a "daddy, I love you".

In any case, we were giggling. Which turned to laughing. Which turned to older daughter actually throwing up.

whoops.

Now, thankfully, it wasn't much, and thanks to my forethought, there was another sheet under the sheet of her top bunk.

We did react the way any good parent would.

We laughed.

Welcome to 2009!

My Christmas and time around it was just wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. The kids gifts were all good (it helps when family sends money and leaves you in charge of buying). The events around Christmas all went smoothly enough. We went to a few parties and gathering that were lots of fun. My mom came up for Christmas, and that was good. I didn't get much in the way of gifts, and that was good because what I got was what I needed or wanted.

After spending Christmas here, we headed down to my mom's in the city for a couple of days. That was great too. A bit of shopping, visiting the "Enchanted Forest" drive through light display, fun things with the kids - and my birthday supper out with the hubby. We went to a newer place that does fondue. Lots of fun, and a nice chance to talk and relax, followed by a couple of hours in a bookstore. I had a new outfit to wear, and felt great. We were disappointed and saddened to hear of the death of one of our church members during the post-Christmas days, and that did put a bit of a damper on things.

New Year's Eve was great too. Friends hosted a house party, 8 adults and 11 kids (the oldest 4 are in grade 1). Almost all the kids stayed up until midnight - in our time zone too! We ate great food, had fun conversation, and the kids mostly got along well too. Ahh, wonderful. My littlest had a meltdown as we left, but really, that was to be expected - how often is my 3 year old up until 12:15 am!

I'm just really loving my life these days. Things feel good. 2008 was a pretty good year. Despite us starting out 2008 with a serious case of influenza in the house, things turned around nicely, and it was great. I can only hope and pray that 2009 is as good. I have some great friends, close by and away. We have travel plans to get out of the snow for a week. We've got ideas for fun things to do in the summer. Middle child starts preschool 2 days a week this month, and the kids are growing and changing all the time.

As I'm thinking about just having a birthday, I realizing how much more comfortable I am with myself. How much more I like myself these days. There is something nice about being in my 30's, something more real than my 20's felt like. I'm more ok with my own flaws and shortcoming than ever before, and that's a great feeling. I'm not thrilled with getting older (um, laugh lines and gray hair!), but I'm not afraid of the maturing and refining that seems to come with getting older. Having a birthday that falls right around the turn of the year gives me a double opportunity to reflect on the past and consider the future. I look forward to this new year, the blank slate before me. May my reflections on 2009 be as wonderful in my mind as 2008.

shouldn't post on an "off day"

Right now, it feels like everything is coming up Kristin around here. I should avoid posting on a bad day, because then another day or two comes along where it's all good. Really good.

-good news arrives
-good conversation with far away family
-good friends to share coffee, lunch, conversation and time with
-a couple of surprises up my sleeves for Christmas (help me not reveal them too early!!)
-getting most of the cake truffles out of the house so I don't eat them!


So many things to be thankful for...

I'm a busy girl!

It's cake truffle time!

Just some of the ingredients needed to whip up the truffle-y goodness.


Warm cake, just read to have fun things added and waiting to be mixed and rolled.


Then dip it all in chocolate and package up...and get it out of the house before I eat too many!!

pity party, table of 1

Sigh. You know how sometimes something someone else is doing or achieving looks good, better than what you are doing? I'm having one of those days/weeks/whatevers. Blah. I don't like it, because a) I want to be happy for them, b) I AM happy for them, c) it's not good to be envious and d) I'm not dissatisfied with things here. Still, it's a little difficult to be all "yay me" when I'm not fully feeling it.

To add to the pity party feelings I'm having, I just realized that I bought the wrong hand soap refill. Sure it was a good price, but I forgot just how much I loathe the smell of that refill. 2l of stinky hand soap to go...

Cold and colder

It's ridiculously cold outside. Even for Northern Canada in winter ridiculously cold. It was -52 C this morning with the wind chill. That's -61 F for my US readers. Just ponder that for a couple of minutes....


back again? Stupid cold. I remote started the van this morning, and it made the most pathetic whiny noise, like it was completely unimpressed with me calling it to life. I really didn't blame it. We have 3 inches or more of ice on the bottom of our upstairs windows....and the basement windows are frosted over almost completely. There are chilly drafts from our doors, and the windows just seep cold air. Which makes me so happy for a working furnace and good heat that compensates for some air leaks. We don't have a fireplace of any variety, so it's nice to have a warm house from whatever source it comes - a fireplace dvd is a decent replacement to still have the visual of a fire.

Unless the power goes out. Which it did last night. According to the "power line" recording, they didn't know what the problem was, nor when it would be back on. I dug up our tealights and holders, and started lighting them like a mad woman. Both for light, and for some warmth. Then we threw warmer clothes on the kids, and sweaters on the grownups and settled in to enjoy the darkness. Sort of. The kids were all wired up because we were expecting to go to a party, and the excitement of that, plus unanticipated darkness was *so exciting*. I sent them to get some board games and tried to clean up the kitchen in the semi-darkness. Then we read aloud to them, and considered what our sleeping arrangements would look like in an ever colder house.

It was getting chillier in the house by the minute. Thankfully, the power was back within 2 hours. I really think that I take our electricity for granted some days. It's so nice to flip a switch and get light, power, hot water...all at our fingertips. It's so easy to become disconnected with the elements and the world around us until it smacks us in the face. We don't have a fireplace, we can't heat our home without electricity. We can't cook without it (unless we BBQ...which is wintering in the garage, and it's too cold to go out to BBQ anyhow). It's kind of sobering to realize how much we depend "on the grid".

When the power came back on, we headed out to our party, an hour behind our scheduled time. It was nice to be warmed by a glass of wine and good conversation with wonderful friends. It's also good to know who has fireplaces around town...

If you have never been in -40 or colder cold...it's really hard to describe. It's a brain hurting cold. Breathing in just *hurts*. The inside of your nose sticks together when you breathe in, and it's like you get an automatic tension headache from the chill on your face. It's just so, so cold. Your jacket will creak as you move, as though it's about to crack right off your body. It's pretty wild. I can't even fathom NOT having heat in those temperatures. Yet, our ancestors managed. Granted, they had stoves, fire places...but could you imagine not having central heat all day and night? Outhouses in the winter? No performance fabrics like fleece? Heavy winter boots? Brrrrr....

Hello December

Welcome to the dark days of December. The sun rises at 8:20 these days, and sets again at 4pm...and we aren't even at the shortest day yet.

I'm excited about the upcoming Christmas season, if feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the work to be done with different events at hand.

Shockingly, it's really mild here. Today it was 5C in the afternoon. Which sounds nice...but it really isn't. Just enough warmth to melt more snow to turn into ice. It was really strange going out on errands with the girls today and leaving my coat behind.

There are so many things going on in my head, but so little coming out through my fingers. Oh well, I'll be more vocal here again soon :)

no time to breathe

The last few weeks have just flown by. Between art class, kids activities, 2 trips to the city, coffee with friends and a whole lot of nuts, it's been a whirlwind.

I'm tired right now, and hoping to avoid laundry. I've got to catch up on that, plus tidying up the house. However, right now, I'm just taking some quiet down time. We all need that some days. Besides, laundry, dishes and clutter will all be there later, when we're ready to face it.

Home grown, homemade

There is something completely satisfying in taking I grew in the backyard and transforming it. Like these pumpkins:





Transformed into these delicious muffins.



I love the down to earth-ness of making something tasty from something I managed not to kill in the backyard. To take a hard shelled vegetable, work with it, and make muffins, custard, oatmeal, lattes....all from pumpkin. In some ways, it makes me feel connected to the pioneering roots of western North America. Tilling one's own land, growing one's own food. Putting up preserves for the colder months, baking with the materials at hand.

Then I remember that I can google myself up a recipe any time I want it, and tips for growing vegetables in my regions clay-based soil. I've got central heat, and indoor water. I don't have to build a fire in the morning, and I have kitchen timers so I can walk away from my baking muffins and not worry about burning them. I'm really not that pioneering, but I can imagine it, for just a little while.

The muffins still taste delicious, either way.

Silly time waster...

RULES:
1. Put Your itunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Gone

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
if I had a rocket launcher

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sweetest Thing

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Smoke

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
My Lover's Gone

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Hey Ya!

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Hurray!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Locked Out

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The 3 R's

WHAT IS 2+2?
I'm Gonna be (500 miles)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Thou Lovely Source of True Delight

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Don't Panic

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Brand New Love

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Sicily

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Pride (in the name of love)


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Forgive them Father


WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
In My Place

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Bones

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Buffalo Soldier

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
You Blanks

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Love is Blindness

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Christmas Windows

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Jamming

Boo

Somehow, I lost my whole blog template tonight. Boo. Just Boo.

Rebecca made that template for me, like 2 years ago, and I loved it.

workout mix

I've joined the gym in town, and am thankful for child friendly policy that allows me to bring my kids. It's working out well as the girls are dropping naps from their agenda, so we hit up the gym most mid-afternoons with sippy cups, granola bars and markers in two - with the occasional dvd to watch. It buys me the time I need to get in a good workout.

I'm working on getting 45 to 60 minutes of cardio a day, plus weight training. I recently created myself a playlist on my ipod for the gym, thanks to the hubby's guidance on how to do that quickly. Today, I decided to splurge a little bit and add a few more songs to the playlist from itunes. I have a couple of songs on there that I wouldn't have picked for myself as basic listening songs. In fact, a couple of those songs on my workout mix might be downright embarrassing.

Anyone else find that they exercise better to songs that aren't typical songs for them to listen to? Spill the beans - what are they? :)

oh my gosh!

We are out of coffee. This is not good.

I'm kicking myself, because a friend's husband messaged me on facebook the other day. Said he was in the city, going to Costco, did I need anything. All I could think was "nope, I just bought olive oil". I needed coffee!!!

Do we ever get out of high school?

Some days, it's like high school never ended. I always assumed that once I "grew up", that life would be more grown up. In so many ways, it's not. Sure, we're legal to drink alcohol now and most of my friends have mortgages, or car payments, or kids, or a combination of all three....but some things just don't change.

Peer pressure is still there. It's different than it was back in the day, but it's there. What we drive, what we wear, what accessories we have - that's all the same.

The "mommy peer pressure", now that's another beast altogether. I think it starts during pregnancy. When are you due? Where are you having your baby? Who is your OB/midwife? Then moves into birth - home? hospital? c-section? drugs? As your children grow, you talk about what they are doing, what they aren't doing, how well they are doing things.

It's often not a huge issue. Really, it's something to converse about and share in the parenting journey. But there is always a mom or two who is all about how they fit in that range of what everyone else is doing, or what everyone else's kids are doing. Which can quickly turn into a one-upmanship of "your baby walked at 12 months? Mine walked at 11". Or "your child wrote their name at 4, mine was 3". Or the mom who is all about putting their kids in fancy labels (granted, many good brand clothes simply wear better long term, but it's entirely possible to dress your kids well without being all about the labels - I know you know what I mean) Bah. That's the stuff that is annoying, the stuff that makes you feel like you are back in high school.

Then there is the pressure to do what everyone else's kids are doing. Hockey, skating, music classes, soccer. There is only enough time in the day, there is only enough money to participate in so many things. The activities themselves aren't an issue, it's when you get looked down on, or look down on others for not participating in these things, that's when it's silly.

I'm not saying that I feel this kind of pressure. I think I have some lovely friends who aren't all about stuff and doing (shoutout to the mommy friends!). I do, however, have some aquaintences who brush up against my circles (in more than one province) who are more into the labels, the hip activities, the doing, the "stuff". It's often comical to watch the one-upmanship that happens in those groups of moms, or to have those conversations with moms who are more focused on those things than I choose to be.

Not that I'm totally immune to it either. I wish I was. sigh

See, you may leave high school....but it never leaves you.