as the temperature hits 39 with the humidity, or 1oo for my American friends, I long for central air conditioning. A couple bottles of Mexican beer chill in our freezer, this is beer weather. Supper is spaghetti, chilled and tossed with fresh tomatoes and basil, a family favourite. Blackberry and blueberry flan with whipped cream for dessert. I am going downstairs in moments to hide from the heat. We are under a thunderstorm watch, with hail, so we moved *my* vehicle to the garage for protection. A storm would be a nice break right now.

I have an appointment to see the specialist on July 18. There is my update. 3 weeks to wait and see. The specialist that my doc sent me to has a 6 to 8 month waiting list, so I will gladly see his associate.

It is a GIRL!

Welcome baby E! Baby girl for my dear friends out east. I think she is adorable, and looks like her mom in the picture you sent. Girl #3....oh boy, dad...you are going to have to be on your guard when the boys start coming around!

it is so hot!!! or, why I do not live in the South

it is beyond hot here. we watched a video with the kids downstairs tonight. it was too hot upstairs. with the humidex, it is 34. tomorrow is supposed to be hotter. our living room holds heat like crazy, afternoon and evening sun. kids played in the pool for ages today. too hot to continue. it is going down to 26 overnight. i may sleep downstairs.

34 equals 93
26 is 79 for my American friends. Wow, somehow it does not sound quite so hot in F. BUT IT IS!

mom crush

Went to Isaac's last day of preschool party today. Brought Ruby along, who was peaceful and placid in the sling. Started chatting to a mom I've never met before - she has the only other little boy who is part-time in Isaac's class. Her son is a year older than Isaac. Anyhow, I have a HUGE mom crush on her! She was funny, down to earth and personable. Things I haven't really run into here. In fact, there seems to be this 'mom-ese' language that is native to this town, and I don't speak it well. For a town that claims to be really friendly, they aren't. So, back to my mom crush. I want to be her friend! We were already having a great giggle over some stuff, and were both equally horrified by the unattended children who showed up at the park. Took all I had not to run after her and give her my number, begging her to be my friend. I just don't know how to make the first move! Preschool is over, and I don't know when I will see her again.

On the bright side, she lives near the park we were at, and I know which house is hers. (don't stalk her, don't stalk her, don't stalk her....)

got mad at the town office

we were on a boil water advisory. The town had letter delivered to each home, informing us of the situation. The letters advised that there would be follow up information available when the advisory was going to be lifted.

Well, come to find out on Wednesday night - WEDNESDAY NIGHT - while Rob is at bible study, that they lifted the advisory on Monday. MONDAY. How did they get the word out? By the tiny little local radio station. A couple of announcements on the local radio station. The one that only plays very old country music. You know, THE ONE I DON'T LISTEN TO. I listen to a combination of CBC radio and kids music. So how were we supposed to know that the advisory was lifted? My amazing psychic powers? Seriously.

So I called the town office and generally let loose on the counsellor who was in charge of this. He took absolutely NO ownership of this at all, made it sound like it was my fault. I'm sorry, I recieved a letter, at my door to let me know...how was I supposed to know that local radio was going to have the exclusive broadcasting rights to the end of the advisory information. The original letter had NO indication that the news was only going to be available on local radio...if they had SAID that, I would have LISTENED to it. Instead, I'm just ticked off. That was 2 whole extra days of boiling water for everything.

This town is just horrible for sharing information. Horrible. Like all the advertising for the Rodeo days, telling people not to park along the parade route. But could you FIND the parade route published anywhere? Not at all. apparently in this town, you *just have to know* these things.

Ug. I almost want to take this up in the local paper.

quick update

home from Saskatoon (more on the trip on the kids blog - link on right). Rob and I were sick for a couple of days, but seem to be better. Missed going to Starbucks, not sure how that happened. Kids have roseola - so we're skipping church today. I'm now just waiting to hear from the specialist.

not quite what I was expecting

Didn't sleep well last night, I seem to be dealing with some sort of illness here, along with the kids. Feverish and tossy-turney, and nauseous today. Ick. Norah has goopy eyes and is still a touch feverish too, and Isaac seems under the weather too. Blah.

Then I had my follow up with Dr. G about my thryoid. Apparently, it's worse. Much worse. My levels have doubled instead of dropping off like they were supposed to. I'm being referred to a specialist in the city. (which I really hope means Saskatoon instead of Regina) Blah, blah, blah, radioiodine therapy, or surgery...all bad. I don't quite know what this means right now, but from what I can tell, my options aren't pretty either way.

random thoughts

- I'm working on a 40 mile goal in the next few weeks. 40 miles on the treadmill. Let's see how that goes. I'm at 2.5 already.

- cleaned our fridge out today - with all the stuff the kids have knocked over in there, it had a smell. hope this fixes it.

- It always blows me away when I see my niece's blog - it's sometimes shocking to me just how much Rob and his brother look alike in pictures. I check out a picture and think "what is Rob doing with that baby?".

- finally, we are having a thunderstorm. After at least 8 days of predicting one, it's here. Nothing major, but still getting thunder

- the doctor's office called today, and I have an appointment tomorrow to follow up on my meds. This could be interesting.

- still boiling water. it's not too bad, but it's annoying.

bang my head against a wall

seriously, that's what I want to do.

I've been eating so well lately. Really well. Yet I've gained weight, and am now at a new highest weight. Stupid thyroid. Stupid, stupid thyroid. I need a higher dose of meds. I'm now going to go downstairs and run on the treadmill. If I don't break the stupid thing with my size! *sob* this is so depressing.

more on today

all in all, a nice day. Kids were mostly great - Isaac isn't doing a great job of listening, but that's workable. We made cookies today for Rob, as his father's day present. Rob already got his ipod for our anniversary, and the father's day component was the adaptor for the car. Chocolate and butterscotch chip. Fun to make with Isaac, although he gave up and left as we were putting them in the oven. Had a lovely phone call with a GCMom today. It was so neat to talk to her, when I knew so much about her already. Hopefully we will be able to meet up in a couple of weeks, if our schedules work out the way we are hoping they will. Had dinner at D and N's place, along with their son S and his wife G. The kids 'fished' in their backyard for ages. It was nice to visit with them, and even better not to have to cook!

I tried to call my dad earlier. He wasn't home, and his cell message picked up right away too. To be honest, I was kind of relieved. Didn't really want to talk to him, not really sure why. Left a message, was the dutiful daughter. Yadda yadda. I'm just a little annoyed with him, and really don't want to play the 'you're such a great dad' junk today.

I'm really missing GCM...pathetic of me. A little bird told me she has become a lurker there, here is her nudge to fully join up if she hasn't already...and to let me know she did it. She knows who she is.... ;)

*that* felt more like mother's day

This morning, Rob overslept somewhat because the kids re-set the alarm clock. Despite us being up until 1, I felt refreshed at 7:10 when he hit the ground running. ?Ruby woke up, but was quickly nursed back down. Then I fell asleep again. Woke up, on my own, at 8:30. Norah and Isaac didn't wake until 8:45, and Ruby stayed down until 9:45. What a treat for me on father's day!

Saturday

It's been so muggy lately. Ick. I don't like humid weather at all. Today is that 'not warm, but not cold' muggy, so I'm not sure if we should have windows open or shut. Our coffee maker has developed some attitude too, so I'm working on figuring that out too. It spilled half our coffee out the back, and I was moving the stove out to clean it up this morning. Found one of Norah's socks back there. Still haven't been given the all clear on our water, so I'm boiling water all day. That doesn't help with the humidity in the house, and makes me feel a bit like I'm attending a birth in the 1800's.

Ruby is rolling and 'army crawling' up and down the hallway right now. She is really getting fast, and is usually dragging herself around after me. She's even cleared the threshold of our kitchen doorways a couple of times. Growing up way too fast.

I feel like all I'm doing is complaining. I don't mean to. My life is mostly good, it's just that it feels like something is always out of sorts around here. From my health, to flooding basements, to appliances not working, and so on, and so on. Really, it's not that bad, just annoying.

today is better

I couldn't be more glad to see the end of yesterday. Seriously. Thanks to those who sent kind words and thoughts. *heart*

Today is much better. Doesn't hurt that it's Rob's day off either. Last night, I hung some extra liner type things in the kid's windows, so they slept a bit longer this morning. That was a bonus. Then after a slow-ish start, we took the kids to our local Children's festival. I was rather impressed with how good it was. That was fun. I managed to leave a row of 10-12 year old girls shocked when they watched me do a quick back toss with Norah in the mei tai. That was hilarious. Our girls were quite the hit today, between random girls coming up to 'see the cute babies' and Norah getting some attention during one of the shows by 2 of the performers, the girls were almost famous! This day has gone so fast though, I can't believe I'm nursing Ruby for our pre-dinner-making nursing session already. We're having homemade pizza, and I'm still not quite sure if I want to do one big one, or a make-your-own. I'm thinking one big one would be less messy, but not quite as fun...

thank you Melanie Doane

This song kind of sums some things up nicely.

HAPPY HOMEMAKER

Maybe I'd be happy to let it all go
Dedicate my life to making jelly molds
Learn to cook and learn to sew
I'm a Happy Homemaker

Why have I been pushing so hard
when I could be out in the backyard
Letting down my hair
letting down my guard
I'm a Happy Homemaker

Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker

Maybe it'll be different this time �round
We'll put to use the wisdom
I hope we've found
Like to lose the crap
without losing ground
I'm a Happy Homemaker


Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Gone so far the other way
We're scared to be our mothers
and we're scared of going soft

Barefoot and pregnant
never looked so good
We're all dying to take our shoes off
Never what we want
it's always what we should
Ahhh, I'm a Happy Homemaker

today, their demand outstrips my supply. I need a day off. really, really need it.

I think I need stronger meds

I don't think my meds are strong enough. I've been back for more bloodwork, but no matter what the results say, I KNOW they aren't strong enough. I've been feeling more 'off' lately, and I'm not handling it well.

Today, I had a huge meltdown. Of course, it doesn't help that it feels like I'm on a never-ending ride of stressors. Things keep getting thrown at me, and I feel like such a drama queen over it, but it's just so hard sometimes. I'm not sure if this is just life, or what, but it sure feels like a lot on my plate. All 3 of my kids are draining me like mad right now too. This morning was hard. I finally called Rob upstairs to bail me out because it was either me losing it on my own, or taking it out on them - which I don't want to do.

It's so strange, it's like I'm completely rational in my irrational-ness. It's like I'm seeing myself on the verge of control and out of control, and the one thing that's keeping me from crossing that line is the knowledge that I would have consequences to my actions. Ok, now I sound crazy. But maybe if I really *was* crazy, it would be easier. As it is, I don't think I am, I just feel that I *could* be. hmmm. clear as mud?

Yep, I need stronger meds. Today I took 2 pills instead of one, and I'll see how that goes. Almost all of my previous symptoms are ramping up again, and I don't like it. Yep, here comes the 'almost noon headache' that I used to get pretty much daily.

Look what I saw today

while making lunch. Just looked down, and there she was, out cold. I love my mei tai! Thanks, Corie, it's fabulous! (if a bit challenging to transition her out of, it involved me climbing on the bed to untie it - but still much easier than the backpack!)

Boy, does she ever look like Isaac in this picture.

GCM is down

Here is the info, from Amanda (Punkie). hopefully we can be back up again soon!

what is annoying

- kids who are still leaking green snot. it's been too long :(
- an indefinite boil water advisory in our town - which means that we need to wash dishes by boiled water because our dishwasher doesn't hot enough. This on top of it being hot, and not being able to use our wading pool for the kids because they won't not drink it.
- having dead ceadar trees in our front yard. I pulled 3 up, but still have 3 to go...and nowhere to dump them. This makes our yard really really ugly.
- a son who is tired and cranky. that's frustrating
- a baby who is going through separation anxiety, so I can barely put her down. that is ok, but combined with having 2 other kids to take care of, it gets tiring

that is all annoying. Whine is now over.

I blame Garth and Mary

...and so it begins. We now own an ipod. Officially, it's Rob's anniversary gift from me, as the stand mixer was my gift. I blame them for showing us theirs. :)

home yet again

This has been a tiring week. S'toon with the kids. Children's festival was good, if cold and windy outside. The kids loved the show. Norah got a mosquito bite that went bad AND a bad reaction to some citrus. So I now have another kid on antibiotics. Isaac had a bad bout of constipation, but that passed (so to speak). Ruby now has 2 teeth. Tonight was a bbq at the church for the 75th anniversary. It's 7:30, I'm tired, and 2 kids are sleeping. I want to clean my house and have some wine. But there isn't any in the house. Oh well.

At least we didn't get the Norwalk virus...things could always be worse.

Wednesday

Hot water heater is fixed. Ruby has a double ear infection - how is it that my older 2 have NEVER had an ear infection, and she's on her second one? My mom came up yesterday to bail me out while Rob was gone for the day for meetings at the diocesan office. You know, since I was alone, had no sleep and still hadn't had a shower since Ruby wouldn't let me put her down. We're off to Saskatoon today for the Children's Festival. We'll be home in time for the church's 75th celebrations this weekend. But off to S'toon for a music show, playtime on the festival grounds, possibly a parade (if we stay until Saturday), a little shopping and some Starbucks! If only I can get us packed up quick!

Vote, vote, vote!!!

Go to CBC Hockeyville and vote for my town before midnight June 7th! Help make us Hockeyville Canada.

If you don't know which town is mine, we're the SK town from the North region. Vote for us!!!

I hate Mondays

Specifically, this Monday.

Our hot water heater is broken, and has been for a couple of days. I need a real shower. I don't like heating water on the stove to wash dishes (oh, and if only all 4 burners would work) Can't wash diapers, so we are back to sposies. Ick.

All three kids are still snotty as anything. Fun. I'm wiping noses on the fly, how elegant. ;)

The guy should be coming today to fix the heater. Should.

I messed up paying a bill online. As in, entered in the wrong account number for my HBC credit card. On both bank accounts. Oops. and double oops.

2 phone calls from telemarketers. Asking for "rectory anglican" (badly pronounced too). Nobody by that name here. Each time the phone rang I was changing a diaper and rushed to the phone in case it was the heater guy. Nope.

Ruby had her first real taste of solids last night. We went to the parade for Stampede week. They throw lots of candy. Norah decided to give up her freedom in exchange for a lollipop (back into the stroller). She shared it with Ruby. Roo had a couple of good licks of the lolli before we noticed. D'oh! Her first real solid was a yellow lollipop. Must be our third kid.

Oh, and I'm jealous too. Rob is currently at preschool with Isaac. They are doing a field trip today - to the bakery and the fire hall. I wanted to go! He got to do the bowling party last December, and now the field trip. Oh well, I get to take all the kids to the Children's Festival this week!

perfectionism

I am a perfectionist. And a procrastinator. It's a bad combination. Common combination, but still not a great one. I also know why I am a perfectionist. It's what has been drilled into me from birth by my father.

Let's backtrack a bit. Long story short, my father married my mother under less than honest circumstances. He portrayed himself as something other than what he felt he really was, and decided that having a family would fix everything. Catch was, that family had to be perfect. It had to look good. My mom was not pushy that way, but came from a long line of "stiff upper lip", "don't show your weakness" women. Not a great combination.

Being the compliant child I was, I bought into it easily. Good table manners, please and thank you, "party tricks" that I could pull out at dinner parties...all of that. Then dad figured out I was smart. I was reading by 3.5 (like my son!), was tested, and came up gifted. To keep me from being bored in school, I got put into music lessons. I did really well, despite being terribly shy, group lessons can help with that. Then dad started pushing me.

I was pushed to be the best in school, and I skipped a grade. I was pushed to be the best in music, and I didn't want to be. I was pushed to do everything well. Because, of course, MY doing well made dad look good, right? I can honestly say that I did do really well when I tried to. But I didn't like being pushed. I was shy, remember? I didn't like being "out there" as being "good" at stuff. That didn't fit with being pushed.

As I got older, I started pushing back. I hated piano. Scratch that, I enjoyed playing, I hated practicing. Especially when dad was home. I hated making mistakes. When he was around, he was really good at pointing out my mistakes as I practiced. I was finally able to quit at age 12, but it sure took a lot of fighting. He was also really good at pointing out where I came up short in school. Grade 9 is a big year in Quebec, first year of provincial exams. I was in a 'big academic' high school, had done some gifted programs there, and was aware of the pressure of big exams where you were measured against all the other grade 9 students in the province. Geography was the class. I was a whiz. I went into the final exam with a year to date average of 95%. I completed the exam with a 97%. Top 3% of the whole province. What did dad say? "where is the other 3 percent?" Now, I know he was joking...sort of.

Then we moved to BC. I quickly figured out that the BC curriculum was way different from the QU one. It was easier. So I stopped working. I stopped caring. I stopped going to class. Dad wasn't home much, and it was easy to slack off without him being around much to push me. Besides, my little sister wasn't doing well in school, so it was easy to hide behind her shortcomings. I failed a class for the first time ever. It actually felt good. I coasted through high school, only doing what I had to do get by. I had lots of teachers talk to me about how well I could do, if I tried, if I wrote the papers, if I showed up. But I didn't care. It felt good to know that I could do it without trying. I didn't want to go to University, because dad wanted me to, and I was tired of making him happy.

I was also scared. I didn't know what I wanted to do! I was never the kid who knew from grade 1 that I wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a whatever. I just didn't know, and I wasn't about to make up my mind. I was too scared to mess up something big. High school was nothing, it was easy to get by, do the social thing to the best of my ability. I knew that University was big, and I didn't want to mess something big up. Something expensive. I hated failing. I was a perfectionist on my own, but the pushing from my dad sure didn't help. At all. I was also young, I wasn't ready to move away from home to go to school, and I couldn't deal with living at home - between my dad's expectations, I had a social group that wasn't big on university and I like to be a bit of a party girl.

So I did nothing. Put it off. (procrastination again, I'm really good at that) Heaven forbid I fail at something. I attempted a semester of college, 3 courses, at the insistence of my dad. THAT was a dismal failure. My GPA was...get this... .43. Yes that was a decimal point, with nothing before it. I was having too much fun, well, in life to attend class. I had a boyfriend, a semi-boyfriend, things to do, places to go, people to see...and none of them were in my classes.

Whatever. I moved on, found the Lord, met Rob...all good things. My teenage rebellion stuff was over. I was now doing what I wanted, to a point, not under my dad's pressure. That was good. But I was still dealing with my own pressure. Failing was still painful, hard and scary. I didn't like trying stuff I wasn't going to be good at right away. I didn't like coming up short at all.

I ended up going back to school. I did a 2 year diploma in PR. I was great at it, I was getting fantastic grades, especially in the academic courses. I was thrilled to be succeeding, excelling even. Being encouraged by some of my teachers to step out and do new things, to take the lead on projects. What a huge ego boost...and then coming home to a husband who was thrilled for me. He was supportive of me, regardless of my grades, where I stood in relation to the others in my class. That was wonderful.

Well, then I realized that corporate PR wasn't my thing at that point. I also got pregnant with Isaac. I worked, did great at my job, they wanted me to come back after mat leave ended. I chose to stay home with the little guy.

So now I face some of my issues as a parent. I was pushed to produce perfection. I then pushed myself in some ways. I don't want to pass that on to my kids. I struggle enough with not being able to ask for help when I need it, I *have* to have it together. I don't want my kids to feel that an attempt isn't good enough. That just trying isn't enough to win my affection. I love them no matter what. Their public faces don't elevate me, their accomplishments don't bring me glory, their strengths aren't my doing. I need to remind myself of that. I need to allow my kids to fail, to try their best and have that be ok. To try, to be, to experience. To hit a wrong note, to get dirty, to make mistakes. What I wish I had been able to do.

Now I'm not bitter, but I do wonder what might have been. I don't want to live vicariously through my kids, but I sure hope they don't carry the baggage over being perfect that I did. I don't fully blame my dad for this either, it was just a part of the bigger picture.

So I'm typing this out, while I 'should' be cleaning my kitchen...but it's late, and I felt like being a bit of a psychologist on myself...and the dishes will wait.

Drill queen!

I love my power tools! Yesterday, I mananged to finally put up the shelving we bought for the upstairs bathroom. Drilling, measuring, using the level....and they are level too! I'm thrilled with the result. Yay me.

yesterday's post...

...could now be titled "weeping and gnashing of TOOTH" Ruby now has one tooth, just the start of it, hovering above the gumline. It's partner is not far behind. She is growing up way too fast. *sob*

weeping and gnashing of teeth

at least, there would be, if she HAD teeth.

The kids and I all have head colds. Lots of snot. Ruby, however, is combining this cold with what appears to be teething and separation anxiety. Nice timing.

The first two teeth hover just below the gumline and show promise of peeking through soon. I hope so. She's heavy and it's starting to really wear me out. Cooking meals with a baby on my back is starting to lose its charm.

reflecting on 10

10 years. May 25, 1996 Rob and I were married. It seems like just yesterday, yet a lifetime ago all at once. Looking at our wedding photos, we look like a pair of kids. We were - just 21 and ready to take on the world.

So much has changed for us in that 10 years. Who knew Rob would be in ministry. Oh wait, we kind of did know...but were playing dumb. I have a really clear memory of our first full day together in our apartement after getting home from our honeymoon. Just kind of standing there, thinking...so now what? It was so strange, knowing neither of us was going 'home' at the end of the day. Yet not really feeling fully 'home' together. Combined with having next to no furniture, it did make things feel a little strange.

We were warned that the first year of marriage is hard. It really wasn't. Sure, it had a few bumps, but I wouldn't call it hard. We learned to fight, even though we really don't fight. We disagree, but we don't get all heated in argument. That is because Rob doesn't do well with yelling, and I don't do well with avoiding. We learned that together.

We learned that change can be hard, but is made easier when we work together to move through change. To lean on each other, to talk things out, to laugh about it together. We have had some stressful times, but thy have brought us closer when they could have easily pushed us apart.

He is my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without him. Literally cannot imagine life without him. We have fun together, we challenge each other, build each other up, bring joy to each other.

Recently, we were driving somewhere with the kids, and were reflecting on our marriage. It was the day after our 10th anniversary. I asked Rob about rough patches in our marriage, when he thought they were. He said that he didn't think we had them. I think he's right. We easily could have had hard times, but we didn't let them get beyond us. We turned to each other, and more importantly, to God. He is the foundation upon which we have tried to build our marriage. I pray that the next 10 years are as good, if maybe a bit less change-filled.

I'm beyond thankful for the 10 years of marriage we have had. For the man that I have walked down this path with. I truly believe he is the right man for the job.

ok, where was I?

ahhh yes. On the way to meet up Corie and Kathy and families. Now Corie and I have been friends for over 11 years now, but Kathy was *new* to me. She and C are friends, but I only know her through GCM (and some phone calls). And our hubbies hadn't even talked before, nor had our kids. This could have been a bad thing, given that we were spending 3 days together in one house.

But it wasn't! It was great. K and G are wonderful people, not that I expected anything less. It was wonderful finally getting to meet them, and their boys. Isaac and A hit it off quite well and had lots of fun together. Rob and G chatted lots too. It was good. I was so glad to finally meet C's little guy - last time we had seen each other, she was just moving into maternity clothes and my kids were 4 months and 2.5 years.

We took the kids swimming, which was mixed. My brood had fun in the water, but getting there and out again was rough. It was obvious that they all needed naps. Norah loved the little slide in the kiddie pool though, and was totally crazy on it - up and down, up and down, head under the water and all. Isaac backed out of the bigger waterslide, which I think was a bit of a letdown to Rob ;)

On Friday, we took the kids to the zoo. It was colder than we expected, but we all enjoyed it. Isaac liked the petting zoo part, he was walking around after the chickens saying "say cockadoodle-do!" over and over. Poor chickens. Norah got to see ducks. She was happy. Rob and I didn't go out for dinner as we had originally planned, it was way more fun to catch up with everyone, as now S had joined the group after work. We had some dinner, got all the kids down, and then played a board game and ate chocolate fondue. Nice.

It was such a lovely time, and it was so nice to finally meet K. She is now an IRL friend, not just an online one. Yay! I do wish we lived closer to them all though...but we are going to be passing their way on our route to Vancouver this summer. Maybe we will have to hook up for a meal again!

home again

We got back last night from another trip. This time Rob was with us, and we went to Alberta.

It was great! We left Wednesday after Isaac's preschool. Drove to Edmonton, after a short stop to let the kids play and have lunch on the road. Got to our hotel, after me getting a touch mixed up on the road. I NEVER get lost, but Edmonton did me in 3 times. I mean, I never get lost, ever. This was a new one for me. But it wasn't bad. We took the kids to the hotel pool, and then we went out for a drive, and had dinner. White Spot. nice :) Norah danced on the bench seat while we ate, that was SO funny. She was bouncing all over and shaking her head while she munched on her Pirate pak.

The kids did really well, with such a late meal and getting settled in a strange place. Thursday morning was an early start for me. Norah and Ruby were up with me too. I took Ruby with me and we headed out to the place that was able to get the van adjusted for Rob to drive it. Rob stayed with the other 2 kids at the hotel. It was really raining, like Vancouver winter rain. Ick. I don't miss that at all. The van was done in 2 hours, so I was back to the hotel to pick up Rob and the kids...who hadn't eaten at all. Isaac slept in until 9:30, so Rob had only gotten everyone ready to go when I called and said I was on my way.

Off to Ikea. Ya, I know, didn't want to go...but we had a nice short list. Got some breakfast for the kids and coffee for us (yay Tim's!) We took Isaac to the play zone for kids there, much easier than dragging all 3 of them through the store. We actually ran into someone there! The daughter of a couple from our church was there with her husband. She recognized us when we came in. I hadn't met her before, but she was there at Christmas and Rob did her mom's funeral earlier this year. Too strange!

Ikea went mostly well. Girls were tired, but we made it through our list pretty quick. Had lunch. Then headed out to meet up with Kathy and Corie and their families. Yay! I've been looking forward to that for ages. :)

More later.

Becoming a bread goddess

that's me! I must say that this bread thing is wonderful. Tonight, I whipped up a fantastic rosemary, garlic and sea salt focaccia bread. Yum. Drizzled with olive oil and baked golden brown. Served with spaghetti and meatballs and salad and fruit for dessert. Delicious.

New pics of Norah's haircut on the kids blog. She looks so grown up...

haven't posted much lately, took a last minute trip to Saskatoon with the kids to visit my mom. We left on Thursday, and got home this afternoon (Sunday). Rob had an overnight thing for work Thursday to Friday, and then had to sermon write on Saturday, and with it being a long weekend...I just didn't want to be stuck in the house with nothing to do. So we went to mom's place. The drive down was fine, and coming home was too. Isaac did get his first real outdoor pee today, as he needed to go after we had passed through one of the towns. He did great *grin*. I wasn't really expecting him to go the whole 3 hours home without stopping. I was pretty bummed out though, this month Tim's featured donut is a carrot cake one...and the Tim's off the highway at the halfway point to Saskatoon didn't have them in stock either day. Um, isn't it your featured donut? Oh well, like I really needed it. It just sounded good. Maybe this week when we go to Edmonton...

4 sleeps to Edmonton!

not bad for a Canadian!

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

why oh why

do I ever say anything nice about my kids in here? Seriously. Within 5 minutes of hitting 'publish post'...Norah fell and found the only loose nail on our baseboards. HUGE cut across her leg, just below the knee. Deep cut. Ugly. An hour later, and one visit to the clinic, she is bandaged and calm. The doc and I decided against stitches, give the bendy nature of the injury location. So we have some nice sticky bandages. Icky though. I got blood on my clothes too.

I should not say nice things about my kids on here if I intend to keep them safe. *shakes head*

Lots of things have been going on in the last little while. Garth and Mary arrived on Thursday evening. So there was quite a bit of prep before they arrived, you know, the tidy up, clean the downstairs bathroom, catch up on the laundry thing. We had a great visit (as least *I* say so - hopefully they agree!). Lots of conversation, lots of laughs, a really really silly night of board game play. Really silly. *grin* I almost peed my pants at one point I was laughing so hard.

We got to show them our town - that was a quick tour ;) They got to see our churches, and hopefully weren't too overwhelmed by our kids - who were their adorable selves. It is always so great to have visits. It's hard to say goodbye though, knowing it will be some time before we see each other again. And goodbyes also bring the reminder that we haven't made friends like them yet in this town. Good friends, who you know you can have the deep and shallow talks with, the ones who know your history and still want to spend time with you.

Today has been a good day too. Took the kids to playgroup and it went really well. Isaac and Norah must be moving into easy stages, because I'm feeling way less like everything is a fight with them. It's like they are all of a sudden out of disequilibrium and are all balanced again...or maybe it's me. But playgroup has NEVER been as easy as it was today, even before Ruby was born. Even getting home again was easy. I'm discovering that not only do I love my kids, I really LIKE them. They are really interesting and fun little characters.

Hopefully our walk to the grocery store after the girls wake up will be just as good.

the card my son made me

Not bad handwriting for a just turned 4 year old!

how did I manage to miss the lead up...

to mother's day? oops. It really slipped my mind, and I didn't do anything for my mother. I suck.

roll call?

so...who is out there reading anyhow? anyone? Bueller?

Feel free to say hello sometime...

oh, and a new video on the kids blog. They are just too funny and cute, AND I managed to capture it. Usually, they just stop doing whatever they had been doing when the camera comes out.

long distance blessings

I've had a few long disatance calls in the last few days. *heart*

I've also been having a rough little patch in the last while, with my health stuff and the downer that's been for me. Between the weight gain and the other physical side-effects and the mental stuff that comes with being out of balance. Well, let me just say that each person that I have talked to has SO blessed me with their love and caring. Kind words, supportive statements, offers to send things I can't get here - even the mere timing of a phone call...I'm feeling so loved, despite the (many, many) miles of distance. Today, I was even brought to tears by a call, by the support and love. (tearing up again) Thank you all so much, you know who you are. You probably have no idea how much your words have touched me.

This was just too funny not to pass on. Looks like a nice place to worship, don't you think?

Shocking...

We are going to Edmonton soon for a little getaway. (waving at Corie and Kathy - can't wait!) Going to have fun, maybe get our van converted so Rob can drive it too. I also need to pick up some stuff at Ikea. A guard rail for Norah's bed, maybe some more kids dishes, and an umbrella for our outside table.


I DON'T want to go to Ikea. Can you believe that? I don't want to set foot in Ikea? Strange...

Woo hoo! made it to aquafit last night. It was so good to workout and not have stress on my joints - mainly my knees and ankles. I'm feeling pretty good this morning too, so I'm hoping to go again tonight. I really hope that my meds help with this joint pain - I'm seriously looking like an old woman the way I limp around some mornings.

Happy May 3rd

And look what we woke up to this morning. (and yes, I did get up today - at 8 no less)
May 3rd. A couple cms of snow. It's sitting at the freezing mark, with a wind chill. And there is our backyard, all ready for summer....

a reminder that we do live in the North.

Corie - I'm not laughing at your snow the other day anymore :)

I'm so crashed out after this weekend. I just want to stay in bed ALL day tomorrow. I wish Rob didn't have to work. Seriously, I want to be in bed all day. I'll take Ruby with me!

Health update

Alright, I have an update to my ongoing health concerns. I was right on with my self-diagnosis - Hypothyroid. My thyroid levels are way off, my TSH is super high, and my T4 is way low. Which explains pretty much every crazy symptom I've been having lately. From my excessive hair loss, to anxiety, joint pain, worsening of my carpal tunnel, irratibility and fatigue - oh and throw in unexplained weight gain too for fun. Mostly 'normal' post partum stuff, but blood testing confirmed that it's more than that, and not just in my head. So, now I'm on something that hopefully will help. My doc said that the good news about this is that, of all the diseases I could have picked to have, this one is on the easy side to work with.

All I know, is that it's really nice to know that I'm not just making stuff up. That some of what I've been feeling is more than just me being silly. Because that wouldn't be much fun.

he's 4....

Isaac is 4 today. It's been a long day. And a lot of things to reflect on. I'll be back...

A follow up article on the Pearls. Hats off to Chris and Meggan for their honesty and bravery. *heart*

May this article help people to see how damaging and dangerous this 'method' of parenting can be.

What was I thinking?

Open mouth and speak before you think. Preschool pick up on Wednesday "Hey, it's Isaac's birthday on Sunday, I can bring cupcakes on Monday". Sure I can....but that means I have to make them! d'oh!

Cupcakes you say? simple. In theory. If I wasn't already doing the following:

-baking a cake for Sunday
-preparing the house for Isaac's birthday party, in case it rains
-preparing the back yard for Isaac's birthday party, in case it's sunny
-planning the menu for the party - because, it's for supper of course (thanks Rob...)
-taking all 3 kids to another birthday party on Saturday
-doing the groceries and other shopping for Isaac's party
-helping Rob assemble the new patio furniture (a girl loves to use her drill!)
-oh, and you know, taking care of 3 kids and cooking meals for the family too

wait, I also want to get to the trade fair this weekend too. Gotta love a chance to do some shopping. Maybe when the kids are napping tomorrow...because Rob's working all day. At least Rob will be home after church on Sunday and can help with the last minute stuff. Can't get too far ahead with the cleaning...the kids just mess it up again behind me!

And I'm still trying to get thank you notes out for baby gifts...and the baby is almost 6 months old! (how sad am I?) And I'm reading a book that's really making me think, and challenging lots of my thoughts...so I want to get back to reading that every chance I get. And I'm supposed to be scanning in a bunch of stuff for our church's 75th anniversary...

AND I'm supposed to sleep?

ack! forgot I still need to wrap the gift for tomorrow's party!

a touch of pride

There is a quote of mine that pops up from time to time on a website I frequent. I feel a little surge of pride when I see it. As if something I said at some point in my life resonated with someone, somewhere.

It's a nice feeling.

So why don't my kids listen to me more?
*grin*

What's my smarts?

Naturally Smart You're a naturally smart person. Your intelligence comes to you naturally, rather than from instruction - and you are better with applied or more real-world things... which comes in handy, here in the real world. 20% applied intelligence 40% natural intelligence

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

My mothering style?

Another quiz - your mothering style.

Your type is: isfj —The “Tender Loving Care” Mother

“I want my children to feel they have an ally, someone who knows them completely. I want to be a haven for them.”

• Gentle and kind, the ISFJ mother provides her children with generous amounts of tenderness, affection, and the comfort of daily routine. Her aim is to “be there” for her children, physically and emotionally. She is sensitive to their feelings, offering closeness, understanding, and quiet support.
• Loyal and devoted, the ISFJ mother has a strong sense of duty and consistently puts her children’s needs first. She delights in taking care of the little things that matter to a child, making each one feel loved and special.
• To provide her family with security and warmth, the ISFJ mother tends to the practical and domestic, aiming for a smooth-running household and an attractive home. She also observes and conveys the value and importance of family traditions.

the local paper

If you've ever watched "Corner Gas", you may have noticed the gentle ribbing at local newspapers. Ha! Well deserved, I say. Our local paper has picked up the quality lately, ever since the new editor took over. The old one, who wasn't there long, was French-Canadian, and often really mixed up her English phrases (collapsing like a deck of cards was one...um, I think you mean a house of cards because a deck of cards is already collapsed). However, there are a couple of local 'news' bits that seem to be immune from editing...of any sorts.

Take the Local News paragraphs, written by the wife of the late mayor. She often refers to herself as "me" in her column. So if you don't know who "me" is...like I didn't for a few months...you are lost. Anyhow, her column is really just an update on who is where in town. Who has taken trips and who is visiting and such. I just have to include a summary of this weeks "news"

"W and A. M went on a cruise. They went to St. Luke Mazatland and Port of Varta. They then made a circle in the ocean and ended up in Los Angeles. They had a very good time"
(good thing they had a good time, since it sounds like a shock to have ended up in L.A. And I'm assuming she meant they stopped in Cabo San Lucan, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta)

"I went to Lloydminster to help my mother celebrate her 90th birthday. A come and go tea was held in her honor." (so...who's your mom? apparently, we all know...and we spell honour with a *U* in Canada)

Those are just a couple of gems. I haven't even READ the whole paper yet....can't wait to add more.

things to think about/pray about

We got the call the other day that we have been anticipating. Camp.

We were approached and asked to direct a week of camp already, but we turned it down. Just wouldn't work for us this year. Or really at all. Not easy to do camp, at this camp, with the kids in a directing position. Artaban was way easier for being able to juggle the kids and the site layout. So, Rob has been asked to be chaplain for a week. We expected that to come, and the camp week may actually be a good fit for our family. Apparently, despite us trying to keep our camp background on the 'down low', word is out! lol Our camp here just gets such icky bugs. Seriously ugly bugs. Need to discuss this more and pray over it. The going to camp part, not so much the bugs part ;)

We've (and I say we, because it was both of us) have been asked to consider another opportunity. I would love to do it, and am really honoured to be asked...but not sure if Rob is on board. It's more in my area of comfort and knowledge than it is his...but it could really be a good thing. So that also will take some discussion and prayer.

Right now, in order to get to church today, I need to run and shower, while Dora is entertaining 2 of the kids.

Happy Sunday!

Earning it's keep

My much wanted, desired and hoped for Kitchen Aid stand mixer is a wonderful thing. It's getting used almost every day. We haven't bought any bread since the mixer came home, I've been making it all myself. I need to get my hands on some more flax seed soon, it's been such a nice addition to the whole wheat bread I've been making. Then there is the ice cream. That's tasty. I want to see if I can get vanilla beans in this town though, I think that would be richer than just vanilla extract. When I make ice cream, we also end up with me having to make merangues afterwards, as we use so many egg yolks for the mix. Lots of yumminess (is that a word? I don't really care, I'm using it anyway!) I can pretty much prep the bread dough in 5 minutes, without looking at the recipe now. Woo hoo for me!

Ruby is going through a mom-only phase. That is a little tough. And being in the sling walking around with me doesn't always cut it. I think we may be at the start of teething, as I remember that mom-clinginess preceeding her siblings dental arrivals. She's too young for teeth!!!

It's with each subsequent child that I realise just how fast the baby phases go. I'm one of those crazy women who loves newborns, and Ruby has just moved through all of this too fast. Add to that the fact that she may be our last baby, and I get kind of sad. :(

Another Easter has come and gone

Finally. Easter is over. Last week was LONG. Rob didn't have a day off, and the kids were wound up. I was stressed about life in general. Day trip to PA with Rob and Ruby. Mom was up for a couple of days. Saw the doctor. He frustrated me, I think he was projecting his wife's issues on to me (long story). But Easter Sunday came, we celebrated our Lord's victory over the grave and we had a lovely dinner. Mildred came and joined us for supper, as she did last year.

Isaac left with my mom yesterday for a couple of days at Nanny's house. The house is really quiet without him. :( I miss him, but he's having a blast. Norah is missing him too. We played in the backyard today, no jackets required it's so mild. I need to take the girls for groceries, but not until after naps now. I had my blood tests done today, I have a follow up appointment next Thursday. *sigh*

I'm rambling here, and not making sense. Off to have some lunch!

the best yet

Apparently, tonight's bread baking was my best ever, according to Rob. Woo hoo! Whole wheat flax seed bread. Very yummy if I do say so myself.

I will reserve comment on my doc appointment until later.

going to the doctor

Tomorrow, I'm going to finally see a doctor. First time since I had that renegade staple removed after Ruby's birth (that was, er, fun in itself). I've got something going on with me. Not sure what it is, but it's not normal. I was writing out my list of complaints the last few days. It's long. This can't be normal, and I can't ignore things hoping it will get better, because it's not. My mom is coming up to watch the kids for me, which will be nice. Rob is really tied up with work this week, and I need to get seen, I've been ignoring this too long. I don't think it's anything dire or serious, but it's there. Prayers would be nice if you think of me!

there are some new shots of the kids up on their blog

Romance? Yes indeed!

Funny how your idea of romance changes after kids.

- quick kisses while the kids giggle over breakfast
- Rob getting up with the kids so I can stay longer in bed
- a hug while passing in the hall...and a small pair of arms around the knees joins in
- snuggling on the couch while nursing the baby
- deep conversations in the van while kids snooze in the back
- collapsing onto the couch together after kids are in bed
- sharing the day's highlights in bed at the end of the day, but whispering in order not to wake the sleeping baby next to you
- subtle conversation hints that go way over the kids heads

Sure it's not all candlelit dinners and walks along the beach - those aren't safe anymore with kids around! But it brings out a whole new dimension to the love you have with your spouse.

my biggest flaw?

According to my mom, one of my biggest flaws as a mother is that I "have it too together". scratch head. I don't get that. The reason I'm having a hard time living in a new town is that I appear to have things so well put together that I don't need friends? What???

Seriously, has she not seen me with my kids? I know she's seen me on some off days, where I am upset that my kids are upset because *I* want to be the one having a temper tantrum. The days where I just want to scream, but don't so I don't wake someone up? The days where I complain about not being able to get anything done at all, despite having a husband that pulls more than his fair share of parenting and housework duties? The days where *my* needs take over Rob's time for working? If anything NOW is when I have had it the least together, where I have been the most dependant on others. Sure, I'm lousy at asking for help - especially when the people who have offered help with my kids are out to spank them *for me*...how nice.

I don't know. I don't think I look like I have things together, even though it's often way easier to deal with stuff in front of people, because I have to hold myself together (nobody wants to see a grownup have a temper tantrum...I think) But is that really why I haven't really been able to make friends and develop a support system here? I doubt it. Let's review. We moved here in February, it was snowy and hard to get out. One car, that Rob took with him. Then found out I was pregnant. Sick. Then spring came. Few places to take kids. The summer, everyone goes away. Then fall, very pregnant, 2 cars, but nowhere to go. Then new baby, and winter hits, darn near impossible to get out period. Combine that with a very close knit community that doesn't do well with outsiders, especially those who don't work with their husbands. Maybe *that's* why I'm having a hard time meeting people. I know my mom means well, but it really didn't help me at all.

could be TMI - you've been warned

There are a couple of threads going on on GCM about birth control. Then again, there usually are a few on the go. But that's beside the point.

Birth control. What to do about it. I've got lots of opinions and convictions...but no answers. We have a rule in this house, in theory, that we make no major decisions about fertility while pregnant or in the first 6 months post-partum. I say in theory, because we've been trumped before. And the 6 month mark is coming up soon. We both feel too young to say 'that's it, we're done' and take drastic action. However, I need to get some things worked out before we could ever consider the pregnancy route again. Mainly heath - I am going to finally see a doctor this week, after far too long. Also, I just cannot endure another c-section in the near future. I am still dealing with the last one emotionally. I have had more than one panic attack while watching surgery go bad on Grey's Anatomy, and cannot watch ER at all. I freak out.

So that brings up the question of birth control. I refuse all hormonal methods, on the principle of the potential abortificient properties. You know, the information on the pill that you really, really have to read the small print of the package information on. Back in the day, before I went and looked things up, I blindly swallowed that little pill and thought all was well. But it wasn't. I could dwell on the possible babies that may have been conceived and not allowed to grow. I could freak out over the hormal junk I poured into my body. Instead, I will acknowledge that I didn't do all the research, have since been convicted otherwise and move forwards. So, that rules out the shot and the pill. We have also come to the conclusion that we have no desire to mess around with my body's chemistry just because. Too many risks.

Then there is the IUD. An option that has been pushed on me in the past. That's simply a no-go here. The ONLY time I can recall Rob starting a sentence with "no wife of mine..." was a statement in relation to the IUD. I understand that. He had a bad experience with one, apparently they don't make good room (or womb) mates. So that's out.

What's left. No much. The barriers. You know the usual suspects. Pros and cons all over. And depending on ecological breastfeeding? Meet my third child. I'm waiting for my copy of TCOYF to arrive from Amazon so I can get all brushed up on charting and temping while breastfeeding. Apparently abstinance works too, but that is *NO* option (see, I said TMI *grin*)

Well, we will just have to wait and see...

bah!

CBC radio is saying that we may get flurries overnight and into tomorrow. I don't believe it. They also said that our high today would be 5. It's 11 and sunny. Take that CBC. The Weather Network isn't calling for any precipiation at all. I like them better.

Wednesday

I've accomplished some things today. That's good.
- got the girls out and dressed in time to pick Isaac up from preschool
- went to the newly started walking group at the track. did 3/4 mile before Isaac was done...he was wet and muddy from falling in the huge puddle in the middle of the track. doh! At least it was really warm out.
- dealt with all 3 kids pooping in a 15 minute span
- made grilled cheese for 2, reheated some casserole for my lunch, cleaned up afterwards
- got one girl down for a nap, Rob came home and got the other one sleeping
- read the next chapter of Charlotte's Web with Isaac, and got in some great cuddle time
- folded 2 loads of laundry
- ran the dishwasher
Not bad for someone who feels really sick.

what I didn't do:
- groceries. That was a big one. Was going to get them before Isaac was done at preschool, but we ran out of time

At least Rob will do a quick run for me today. We are making ice cream tonight with the stand mixer...needed some ingredients for that. I'm now simmering up some apple cider for myself. I sure hope I'm feeling better soon.

It really is spring.

Now I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but spring is really, really here. Today it is 15 degrees (or 60 for my US readers). The lake in the backyard is drying up, but of course the lowest, wettest part of the yard is where the swing set sits.

I've baked my second batch of bread - honey oatmeal. We ate almost a whole loaf at breakfast, lightly toasted with raspberry jam. Rebecca, I would send you a loaf if it wouldn't get hard in the mail ;)

Tonight is our small group, so I'm off to tidy the house up before we eat supper.

do you smell that?

The fresh baked bread in my kitchen AND the fresh spring air outside?

Spring is here! The snow is almost all gone, except for those places where it's all crusty. Our front lawn is a muddy mess, our backyard a lake of goo. Fun. The sidewalks are mostly dry, and it's warm today. In fact, we have been one of the province's hotspots the last few days. Yay! Even the wind feels warm today.

Then there is the bread. My first time baking bread and it turned out great! I did a basic white loaf recipe, and we ate almost all of one of the loaves with lunch. Fresh hot bread with butter. Delicious. I wonder what I'm going to make next....

home again

ahhhh, a break from town. A lovely visit with my mom. Conversation over wine, no cooking, new (and nice) home for the kids to play in, shopping,even a great trip to the portrait studio at Sears. I got a fantastic deal on my anniversary gift from Rob, even though I bought it myself. I am now the proud owner of a stand mixer. The very one I have been wanting for a few years now. Pistashio. 5 quart, 325 watt AND I got the ice cream maker attachment so I can make ice cream for Rob. I'm thrilled. A great trip. Aside from the head colds the girls and I have now. I feel awful. This would explain the crankiness they had. But they did sleep well most of the way home in the van!

that's sexy

Right now, Rob is outside, checking out my van. He's trying to see if he can fix the driver's side wiper before my road trip tomorrow. As Paris Hilton would say "that's so hot".

I wonder what else I can get him to do around the house if I tell him it's sexy....hmmm

Oh, and Isaac slept in until 9:50. He must be working that cold out.

***EDIT***

He fixed it. 6 months of a non-working drivers side wiper, and he fixed it in 10 minutes. I love him so much!

I am mom

and I wipe noses. Another round of illness - this time colds. They seem to be fast moving, which is nice. Isaac has mastered blowing his nose (finally!), and Norah is very good at identifying that she needs a wipe. That helps. All 3 kids napped on Sunday afternoon, which was beautiful, especially the half hour of overlap between them all.

Isaac and I have started reading Charlotte's Web at the start of his rest time. A chapter a day. So far so good. He was sad that the Avery in the book is not a little girl, like the Avery who comes to our small group on Tuesday nights. Tonight, he begged for more spinach salad during dinner. We went for a walk today as a family, and he managed to find the deepest puddles in town to wade in. He actually was able to dump water out of his boots when we got home!

2 more sleeps until Saskatoon! To see mom's new place. I'm going shopping! Please Mum, Old Navy, pics of the kids at Sears, Starbucks. I'm so excited. Seriously excited. I haven't had a Starbucks bar drink since...July. Can you believe that? Me. Since JULY??? Shocking, I know. I really wish my espresso machine worked. Wait, maybe I can get it fixed in Saskatoon! They have a place there....I'm calling in the morning.

and it's snowing again. Rob reminded me that it did snow last year at the end of April. But come on already....spring needs to come! I am looking forward to the mud pit that will be our yards. At least, I think I am.

I really need to stop...

...thinking I'm getting ahead. Then something always jumps in my way.

Like this morning. I managed to get 2 kids fully dressed, one partially dressed, have breakfast, get all my Sunday School lesson stuff ready to go and get dinner in the crockpot. By 9:30. Woo hoo, right? Nope. Then I got in the shower. And fell out. Yes, I fell out of the shower. Not quite sure how it happened. But it did. And it hurt. I landed on the toilet, in two places. I am getting more and more sore as I type this. I also took the shower curtain liner down with me. I hope we have another one downstairs. Took some extra strength Motrin. Hope it kicks in soon. Really soon. I can't wait to see how this one bruises up.

Long distance phone calls are nice. I like them.

Last night I had a strange one. From someone Rob and I had worked in youth ministry with years ago, but had to ask to step down. Who was now calling me for advice on some things. That's 2 things in one day where someone else thinks I'm wise! ;)

Anyhow, it got me to thinking how much I have changed in the last 7 years or so. How much my views on life and on God and faith have changed. And all for the better I think. Despite my bad days, I think I like myself better now. I think I'm really becoming who I'm supposed to be.

My online friend Rebecca is blogging now. She really has some wonderful, but hard to read, things to say on discipline. I like her blog's look (wonder why, hee hee)

I uploaded a cute video of Norah dancing on my kids blog.

Nighttime reflections

There is something so wonderful about bedtime. The kids and ours. I love being up last, after everyone has gone to bed. I get to shut down the house for the night. I turn off the main lights, turn on the hall light and check on the kids. I go into Isaac's room and tuck him in. He's looking so much like a little boy now, he's lost all that baby look. Has it really almost been 4 years since he arrived and changed our lives so much? I usually end up turning him around in bed so he's not hanging half off the bed. A quick kiss on the head and stroke of his hair and I'm out the door.

Into Norah's room, where I check the temperature on the space heater - she sleeps so much better in a warmer room. I almost always have to cover her up, and pull her doll out from under her. Soon she will be sleeping in the bed instead of the crib. Has she really gotten that big? Norah has such a sweet little snuffly snore when she's lying on her back. She's a light sleeper, and it's so hard not to play with the curls that fan out on the mattress. I just love her curly hair and it's such a wonder to me as mine is anything but curly.

Then after a tooth brushing and face washing, I'm turning out the hall light and heading to our room. I love climbing into bed at the end of the day. Ruby is usually flaked out on my side of the bed, and between her and Rob I can usually find some room. It's so cute to see both of them sleeping - they look so alike that way. Well, except for the beard. ;)

The end of the day brings peace to what are often long and crazy days. Rob and I get chance to check in on our day's highlights and have a couple of laughs before we sleep. I love getting to tuck our children in before sleeping. I can see them at their most peaceful, their little faces flushed with sleep and cozy blankets, hair all over the place. It brings such joy to me to have these moments at the end of the day. No matter how busy or wild the day was, bedtime is a reminder that tomorrow is fresh and ready to take on. That we have spent a day living, laughing and loving together.

ug

incident with a parishoner at church tonight during our St. Patricks' Stew Supper. I'm steaming. And I don't quite know how to handle it.

I hope I can sleep well tonight. This sort of thing makes me toss and turn.

My sister Kendra and her new dog, Acadia.


Is it just me, or is that dog wearing a dress?

Edit - According to my sis, the dress is part of the obedience classes they are in... She assures me she is no Paris Hilton. The dog has a sweater, but for temperature reasons only. :)

I have some days where I feel so strong and capable. Nothing throws me off, and I am able to handle anything life throws at me - even if it's big. I like those days.

I don't always have those days. Like yesterday.

However, it's amazing what an unexpected package in the mail can do for one's spirits.

(thanks to Corie and Kathy)

sick, sick, sick

This story about a child's death totally disturbed me. Sick. Following Michael Pearl's *wisdom* for raising children - and a death results. To be honest, with the garbage that man preaches, I'm shocked there aren't more reported deaths. It's pure poison. I cannot in any way imagine Jesus hitting a child, much less with a plumbing supply line or a hot glue gun stick. What happens when those *tools* don't have the desired effect...do you spank/hit with something bigger? It's just sick and wrong. NOWHERE in the bible does it spell out a *how to* on spanking...so why do so many *experts* claim to have the right way that God would have us raise our children? Oh the thoughts I have on that....

why won't Norah nap? Seriously. That's 2 days in a row. Seriously.

Just ordered a new car seat from Sears. I hope it's what we need. I'm not sure if it's going to be for Isaac or Norah yet. We will see where it fits better in the van. I really hope it's a good fit for what we need, because it wasn't too pricey (even on sale right now).

It's snowing. Again.

that was a scare

Rob was supposed to go to an ordination service today. It was about a 90 minute drive from here (in other words, really close by). It's been snowing for over 24 hours straight and it looked icky out. In fact, my mom, who is supposed to be driving here now, is in Red Deer waiting for the roads to clear up. In any case, Rob leaves at 11:45. Service is at 1:30. Lots of time. I call him at 1:15 when I haven't heard from him. He's cutting out, but I can make out "I'm coming home, roads bad". Great I think...but how far did he get if he's turning around?

I wait not so paitently. Getting worried as I'm checking the weather network and the road conditions. Finally, he walks in the door at 3. He's cold. He THEN breaks the news to me that his drive was somewhat eventful. He spent a half hour in a ditch. He hit a big ice patch, managed to lose control of the car, and ended up in a ditch about 20 minutes south of Loon Lake. Wasn't even speeding. Was very grateful that I insist on a couple's CAA membership and called for a tow truck. He waited, stuck in the snow until 'Taylor from the Baptist church' tows him out. Car didn't handle so well on the way home, with all the snow under it.

I'm so thankful it wasn't worse. It really could have been. Much worse. Especially since only 4 people drove past him in a half hour. I'm thankful for cell phones, for problems happening early in the trip, for soft snow, for safety. Thankful he's ok.

Silly boy though. Took off his winter boots before leaving and had to be in the car with only his dress shoes. Cold toes.

Why I am a SAHM

A few people I know right now are debating the return to work or stay at home question. It got me to thinking about the reasons why I decided to stay home.

I had always considered being a SAHM. It was something that Rob and I had discussed way before kids. Yet I wasn't totally sure that it was the choice I wanted to make. I had either been working or in school since I was 15 and was used to working. It was hard to imagine my life without a paycheque, without being able to put a dollar value on my time. Not contributing financially to the household.

Then I discovered I was expecting Isaac. I had just graduated from college with my PR diploma. I finally had earning potential beyond my retail management background. But I wasn't sure that I wanted to go that route.

I fell into a great job that touched on lots of my skills, but was still not super demanding, and they loved me. As in, constant ego boosting comments and recognition...then again, I was replacing a woman who by all accounts was totally incompetent. Apparently doing something right and without complaining went a long way. Every day, I felt appreciated and valued - and I had a lot of fun with some of the women in the office. My supervisor was almost family, really, almost family - she was married to my cousin's husband...which is how I ended up there in the first place.

It was also in that job that I started to really think about my options after childbirth.

Most of the women in my office were working moms. Some of them had kids in high school and beyond, but most had kids under age 10. And that's where things got interesting. I got to talk to lots of them about their choices - my desk was a common hangout. I asked them questions, they offered me their thoughts and opinions. They revealed a lot more than they told me with their words.

There was C. Who told me lots about her girls, but who had lots of fights with her DH on the phone as to who's turn it was to leave work early to pick up a sick 4 year old. A, a single mom, who had no family support and juggled a preteen who didn't believe she needed daycare anymore. J, who was in the middle of a divorce, and fought back tears as she told me about how amazing it was to give birth to her sons, how spiritual that moment was, and how much she hated to leave them to return to work. But that her ex-DH insisted she work, and that was one of the big factors in their divorce. J, who wanted so much to move up the corporate ladder. She cried every time she talked about her not quite 2 year old DD, but told me how she had to harden her heart when her DD wanted her home because she needed to become a manager. She also fought her DH over who "got stuck home" with that DD when she was sick. P, who had a daughter my age, who encouraged me to be home "when the babies are tiny, that's sacred time you never get back".

But the clincher was T. Her dd (age 4 at the time) has the same name as me. T would have to travel often, and work long hours. To be fair, she did work varied hours in order to be able to help out at her dd's preschool, but she was away from home quite a bit. Her dd started telling T that she wished she could be Kristin S (me) when she grew up, so she could spend lots of time with her mom. Cute story, but it really got me thinking. *I* was spending more time in the week with T than her dd was. Especially when you factored in how much time they spent running around on the weekends, fitting in activities, errands and get-togethers. They almost never spent time together, alone as a family. T was also one of the many moms who told me that they 'had to work, they needed it, to be away and keeping busy".

I realised then that I wanted more for my kids. I'm not saying that I think any of those moms weren't good mothers, not at all. But it sure is hard to fit everything in around a work schedule. I wasn' t having this baby to have somebody else raise them, to spend the hours they were awake with someone who didn't love them like I did. It wasn't about what I wanted, it was about what was best for my baby. To be cared for by a parent who loves them. I thought back to my childhood and how, sure I liked spending time at the babysitters (my mom worked part time) but I sure prefered being home with my mom or dad. Why should my child not get my best hours of the day?

I knew then that my decision was made. Not easy, for sure. Hard to give up the paycheque, the feeling of contributing to the family. The great feeling of a job well done, and being thanked for my effort. Then Rob said "but you will be contributing. You will be raising our child". He was right. I didn't want to be juggling daycare and work. Bargaining with Rob as to who was more able to take a day to be home with a sick child. Fixing dinner in a rush after a busy day. Trying to squeeze errands into a Saturday, or maybe Sunday afternoon after church. Hearing about my child's milestones from a daycare provider. Paying somebody to spend their days with my precious, wanted, and planned for child. I knew that my heart was at home.

another funeral. Rob is meeting with the family right now. I think its on Monday. Monday funreals are hard on Rob - Tuesday is easier, more time to prepare. Monday makes for a go-go-go weekend. In the year that Rob's been working here, he has done more funerals that his predecessor did in 5 years! I guess his 4 months of interning at St. Philips, with all the funerals there, was worth it - even with how much *I* hated it there.

Yesterday was women's day

And I didn't do anything to mark it. I heard a lot on the radio about Canada-wide rallies over the scrapped national child care plan. The Conservatives threw the plan out that the Liberals had signed with provinces before the election. People are upset. And I don't blame them.

As a stay at home parent, who is fully committed to having a stay at home parent, I really love the idea of getting a potential extra $100 per month per child under 6. But it's really just a supplement to the child tax credit. Word is that lower income families won't get the full $100 per month either. As a family who is technically considered low income, I really appreciate our child tax credit every month - now with 3 kids, it covers my van payment and insurance on both vehicles. It helps our financial picture immensely. More would be nice.

However, extra money in my pocket doesn't do much besides help me buy more stuff. I don't need childcare. But lots of people do. For whatever reason they need it, they need it. Quality, well priced child care is needed. I could be of the opinion that since I don't need child care, there is nothing wrong with for-profit, pricey child care. But I'm looking at the big picture. For me it's not just about lower priced childcare, it's availability of that child care. There simply aren't enough spaces for people to put their children into childcare - especially in more rural areas. $100 a month does nothing for you if you don't have anywhere to have your child cared for!

Much as I believe in staying at home, and know it's best for our family, I know that not everyone is in that place. Single parents usually need to work, there are lots of reasons why people feel that both parents need to work and bring in income. For me, it's not a SAHM vs. working mom thing - it's about quality childcare at afforadable prices, with available spaces for those who need childcare, whatever their reasons. Sure, I love the idea of having more money in my pockets, but in the bigger picture, is that the best option?

I don't know. We made the decision for me to be home, that we would raise our children ourselves and not pay some *expert* to do it. Not everyone has made that decision, or is able to make that choice because of circumstances. I would rather that the children of those parents, either through circumstances or personal choice, have quality childcare.

Tim Hortons in the news...

2 stories on Timmy's today. There's the roll up the rim scandal and then the newest location
Strange stuff...

So it's not a sex toy...

Monika ordered something for me online. Claiming it will "spice up" things in our town. I got worried for a second...but she assures me it's not a sex toy. (giggle, snort, cough). 4 to 6 weeks to wait though...I'm SO bad at waiting. So bad. drumming fingers on countertop

I love online shopping...almost as much as in person shopping. I was really excited to get a package in the mail yesterday. A plug for Please Mum clothing here. I bought the girls matching dresses and a shirt for Isaac, all on clearance. Got the cheapest shipping - $4 for the whole thing. Was supposed to take 7 - 10 days. Got here in 3 business days. Woo hoo! And it's cute too. Still waiting on my fancy smelling wool wash products....brown sugar and blackberry/vanilla. Yummmy.

upcoming excitement

So much to look forward to! My mom will be here soon for a brief visit before she moves into her new place. Mary and Garth are talking about coming in May. Jinx, Valerie and Katie may come in May or June too. We're planning a getaway with Corie, Scott and Tyler, and Kathy, Greg and their boys (who I can't wait to meet in person!) We just got an invite to Skye and Chris' wedding...but won't be able to go. Into Vancouver for Sean and Leslie's wedding in the summer, and hopefully a chance to meet up with Sarah and watch Paisley and Norah play. Lots of things coming up to get excited about. Babies to meet, marriages to begin, people to catch up with... people to meet *in real life* too. I'm so glad there are so many events on the horizon.

d'oh!

Want to feel stupid? Forget to renew your husband's car insurance. The Camry is still covered, but need to renew the policy. Oh, and it's in my name, so I get to drive Isaac to preschool tomorrow and go make sure it's taken care of. I really had better remember to do this when the van insurance comes up again in July.

I blame the insurance company. If they didn't send the letters out reminding you so early, you may actually remember to do it! ;)

that was fun! x-post from kids blog

Bit of excitement here today. After church, the kids and I went to the movies! Curious George was playing at our local theatre, with a 1pm matinee. Went with C and her 6 year old daughter L (wouldn't have done it alone!) It was really great, actually. Isaac had a kids pack of popcorn and pop and was thrilled to sit and eat it all - except for the part he dropped on the floor. Norah was so excited by the big screen and music and jumped up and down in her seat for the first 15 minutes straight. Ruby snuggled, nursed and slept. Only a couple of rough moments. When Norah's seat kind of collapsed on her - you probably know what I mean by that - and she got stuck, and Ruby was nursing so it was hard to get her out. Isaac losing popcorn, and Norah finding it. Norah's sippy cup rolling under 2 rows of seats in front of us. Ruby crying for about 3 minutes. Other than that, it was great. Lots of fun. The movie was good too. Norah especially loved dancing to the music during the credits.

and it came to me then, that every plan, is a tiny prayer to Father Time....

stuck in my head, that album is. Every song. Reflections on life, aging, changing and death. And it dances around in there.

Check this out and fill it in for me...

one advantage to living in the country

Fresh farm eggs...lovely for baking with.

Lest you work out anything in advance

Arrggghhh. Here's the issue - 3 kids need carseats. But my original gameplan isn't going to work.

Ruby is in the Evenflo infant seat (which I hate, and should have returned when we bought it for Norah last year, because I'm not 100% happy with how it fits in the car)
Norah and Isaac are both in Britax Marathons.

Isaac was going to go into the Graco turbo booster when Ruby outgrew the Evenflo, and Ruby into the Marathon. Simple, right? Well, Ruby is growing so quick, that she's almost at the end of the weight limit for the Evenflo. It's good to 22 pounds (which is why we picked it, but I still don't like it) She's at 19 and change. She's getting heavy to carry in the bucket. I don't really like bucket seats, but they are so handy until the baby can sit up on their own. So, I could move her into the Marathon rear-facing.

Here's where it gets tricky....Isaac is technically too light for the turbo booster. We have it already, it's in Rob's car. We got a great deal on it, which was nice after the spendy Marathons. But it's for 40 pounds plus. Isaac has topped out at 36 - 37. The turbo boosters in the States are for 30 pounds plus. But Canada's regulations state harnessed seat until 40 pounds. So he's too light. He does use it occasionally when Rob will drive him to preschool in the Camry.

So I don't want to buy a new carseat. I don't want to buy a transitional seat that will, in essence, only be used for a couple of months. The Marathons are good to 48 pounds forward facing, so the girls can stay in them for years. I don't want a car seat that can be used as a booster, because they aren't rated as well as a booster on it's own. If Isaac was big enough for the turbo booster, I could get away without buying a booster until Norah is 48 pounds...and that would take at least 2 years. I like kids in 5 pt harnesses instead of belt-positioning boosters for safety and all, but I want Isaac in that booster already.

So, should I just start stuffing him with ice cream until he hits 40 pounds? Or should I consider him 40 pounds when fully dressed? Rob has pretty much said that he has no desire to spend $140 before tax on a seat that we really won't use more than a couple of months at best. Isaac does seem to be in another growth stage (as seen by his pants all of a sudden being too short). I'm just frustrated....and I want my kids to be safe.

baby legs

and she wouldn't look at the camera

baby legs!

Katie - our newest family member

New niece Katie...looks a lot like her mom.

My baby legs arrived...pics to follow. :)

and for the record - my sillies have been thoroughly shook out this afternoon. Raffi on repeat will sink into the brain. Not sure I'll ever be the same again.

I'm an aunt again!

Got the phone call this morning. Jinx and Valerie had a baby girl at 10:30 last night. 8lbs 14 oz. As yet without a name - think they were expecting a boy (so were we). Lucky for them Ruby already has lots of hand-me-downs to send. Welcome baby!

***Katie Michele*** Katherine Michele - I'm not totally sure about the spelling, will update when I know for sure. Katie. I like it.

it was such a nice day. Then I got off the phone with Corie after the kids finished their baths...and all heck broke loose. Isaac was playing "snow shovel" with the dustpan in the kitchen, and managed to whack Norah in the mouth. As he was backing up from the 'scene of the crime', he tripped and landed on Ruby in the bouncy seat. After calming down both girls, while Rob dealt with our little klutz, I manged to drop Ruby's antibiotic bottle on the floor and spill most of what was there. Then Norah got the top of her (full) bottle off, and there was milk everywhere. Ok, that was a rough half hour!

I'm currently enjoying the silence of 2 kids in bed, and one nursing on my lap.

It looks messy, but it's tidy.  A dresser and bookshelf...freshly

washed and folded cloth fluff for my babies bottoms.  *sigh* what

a lovely sight.