waiting

I'm now in waiting mode. Saw the doc today. He affirmed that my thyroid sounded nutty, so wrote up the blood work req. Then we chatted about my knee. I showed him where it hurt, and what aggravated it. He poked and wiggled, pressed and bent and sent me for x-rays. He said it sounded like a bone issue as opposed to muscle. Ick.

Then I headed off the hospital for the lab work. I've never been in and out of an appointment quite so fast before! They are so good at the hospital lab, really, the woman who does the blood work is so great, I don't even feel it. The x-ray guy was really nice too.

Now I wait, and hope that something turns up abnormal, not because I want things to be wrong, but it would at least explain things better.

frustration

I posted earlier about my trainer. I'm seeing him 3 times a week, and he kicks my behind every time.

I'm also going to aquafit at the local pool, also three times a week.

I also am doing exercise videos at home.

I'm eating pretty much weight watchers style, with a few blips here and there (like Mike's wedding...hello dessert table! It was good that we walked by that table to get to the buffet, guess who had salad for dinner?)

But the weight is barely budging. To the point that I'm getting very frustrated. I know that it takes a body time to lose weight, blah, blah, blah. But really, if you saw how hard I was working, how much effort I'm putting in, you would understand why I'm frustrated.

I'm going to be getting my thyroid tested this week. I have enough other things pointing to it being out of whack, but this weight stall is a huge sign. My body dropped 10 pounds over 10 weeks, but is holding on so tightly to every pound right now, it's ridiculous. Maddening. Not to mention depressing and sad-making.

It's enough to drive a girl to cheesecake.

been some time

It's been a while since I've posted. Life goes by quickly these days.

We had a road trip to BC for Mike and Maritza's wedding. We only took R with us, and the other two stayed with my mom at our house. It was a great trip. Catching up with old friends, making new ones, getting to finally see Mike get married. It's been a long time since he was best man at our wedding, and Rob finally got to return the favor. Great time, for sure. Good to be home though, missed the older kids, and was glad to sleep in my own bed again.

I've got a lot of things going on in my head, and lots of blog post ideas, but nothing seems to get out of my head and out of my fingers these days. Not always a bad thing.

so, I should just come out with it

I'm seeing someone. His name is Jesse.

3 times a week, we have a standing date. He is a bit mean though, and he often makes me do things I would rather not do. He pushes me too. I'm learning to like it. It also gets pretty hot.

Oh, gosh people. He's my trainer!

Yes, I'm seeing a personal trainer. My friend Melissa and I are seeing Jesse for a workout 3 times a week. He's tough, but it's a great workout. He's martial arts-based, so we do lots of kicking an punching, as well as strength training (insert "Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting" here) I've been keeping this pretty much on the down-low for the last month, but I'm really enjoying it. Also, now Melissa's brother and his buddy are joining our class, which keeps costs lower for us all. They started tonight. I am really pleased to say that I managed to totally kick their behinds. Not bad for a woman 10 years older than they are! That made my night.

ideas percolating

Norah's 3rd birthday party was today. It was wonderful, busy, loud and sugary. All things that a 3 year old's birthday party should be.

Today, at her party, I received some outside confirmation/affirmation on some ideas that have been percolating in my head for a while now. Ideas that my friend Melissa and I have been playing with. I think this may have been a sign of steps that should be taken, to actually put some thoughts to action, to be bold and move forward.

It's exciting.

Stay tuned for future development....

timing and provision

We've been trying to really bang out a budget here. On paper, we shouldn't be having money be as tight as it's been. We shouldn't be as behind as we were getting. Then I crunched the numbers, are realized that with two parties in three months earlier this year, plus other 'fun' things like meals out on trips to the city (and, ahem, alcohol consumption up significantly with the summer heat), we were spending 3 times what we thought we were on food and drink. 3 times. Let that sink in a bit.

As a result of that shocking discovery for May and July (June wasn't that bad, nor was August), we are making cutbacks and tightening the financial control a bit.

We've been coasting along since then, and doing alright. Still feeling the pinch, especially with Norah's birthday and party this weekend.

Then I got the mail on Friday. Apparently, we picked up a photo-generated ticket while visiting my mom last month. And by "we", it was actually Rob. He didn't come to a 'complete, total stop' while at a red light, and we got dinged. Apparently, it's an intersection where the city is 'making a killing', and he did stop, just not long enough. BAH. It's a BIG ticket. A ticket that had us thinking we were going to be putting the groceries on the credit card for this half of the month. I was cranky about it, as was Rob - who was also rather sheepish about the mistake.

Well, imagine our surprise yesterday. Someone stopped by yesterday to drop off some cards for Rob and the church, thank yous for the funeral that was done this weekend. Inside the card for Rob was a (very unexpected) cheque. For the amount of the ticket, PLUS the new PS2 Hockey game that Rob was wanting. *as an aside, Rob buys one PS2 game a year, and this is the one, so it's hardly an addiction or expensive hobby*. Wow.

Thanks, God, for your provision when we were just starting to worry. The game was just a bonus. :)

GAH!

Know what makes me CRAZY???

when you bake/cook something, have it be a huge hit, decide to make it again....and can't find the recipe!

anyone know where my banana muffin recipe is? anyone?

adventures in gardening

there has been an on-again, off-again frost warning hovering around town lately. I took that as my sign that summer was over, and it was time to "harvest the garden".

Note to self: next summer, less tomato plants, spaced further apart. Buy the tomato staking cages *when you see them*, don't wait until later, when you can't find them and try bamboo stakes instead, which don't hold up to a couple of seriously windy days/storms and blow over, making your tomatoes turn into a matted mess of vines all over the ground.

After picking up the boy from school, the kids and I all headed out to the yard to pick vegetables/ride bikes/fight/throw sand/annoy mom. I should have remembered that I still need mosquito spray, even if it's getting cold, so I don't die from West Nile Virus (roll eyes, but I still got bit) My tomatoes were everywhere, and were a total mess. A very productive mess, but still a mess. I had to really work hard at pulling the (still very green) tomatoes off the vines, while weeding out the ones that were icky because of the vines sitting on the ground. I was filling up my large bowls at a speed that I didn't quite believe. All while trying to remind the girls that I was not in swing pushing mode, that they would have to wait until dad finished mowing the front lawn.

Tomatoes everywhere. Tomatoes beyond my wildest dreams. Tomatoes that should ripen, eventually...I hope. Lots still in the garden too - the icky ones.

I picked the peppers. My yellow peppers were much bigger than the red peppers. However, colour is a moot point, as August wasn't warm enough for them to change colour anyhow, and they are all still very green. I don't think they will change colour, like the tomatoes will. Lots of peppers, so that was exciting.

My zucchini plants seem to have tapered off...I think. That's taken care of. The last honeydew was picked. It was small, but I picked it anyhow, didn't want the frost to steal it away.

note to self: less zucchini plants next year, and don't forget to pick zukes before going away for a week - 5+ pound zukes aren't as nice to eat. Also, don't plant zukes too close to pumpkins.

Then it came time for the pumpkins.

What can I say? The zucchini plants are aggressive and took over a lot of the garden. The pumpkin plants tried to hold their own, weaving around the bases of the sunflowers, but ultimately retreated. Under the fence. There were at least 2 pumpkins on the other side of the fence. Unfortunately, the neighbors behind us do not seem to exist/ever go outside/speak English, and also have a closed off yard that one cannot sneak into. So I decided (in my infinite wisdom *roll eyes*) to climb the fence.

I am scared of heights. Wait, specifically, I'm afraid of falling from heights, and a 5 foot chain link fence does indeed count as a height. Just like the top of the dishwasher was when I worked at Starbucks. I grab the ladder, and an accomplice (Rob, who has now finished mowing the lawn, and has been roped into being chief swing pusher) and decide to go over. Well, I sure didn't pick a good spot to climb over. You would think that if one were to climb a chain link fence, one would decide to do so where there is a support bar, you know, like there is every 10 feet? No, not me. As I climbed up the ladder and got to the top of the fence, I realized that I could step down onto the fence, both because it wouldn't be comfortable on my feet, and that where I was (right in the middle of two support bars), it was wobbly. When faced with a wobbly footing, I'm likely to fall. Falling isn't my strong suit. Somehow, I managed to hang myself over the fence, by holding the ladder, and dropped down into the neighbor's yard.

When then made me feel like a criminal. Even though I was getting MY OWN pumpkins, in broad daylight, just being in a neighbor's fenced yard felt very, very wrong. I managed to pick the pumpkins, hand them back over the fence to Rob, and pull out the vines that had migrated under the fence to toss them back into our yard.

Then I remembered that I had to get back into our yard. Couldn't go around, because I could get out of the backyard. Had to go over. I pulled the ladder over the fence, and climbed back up. This time, I moved the ladder over so that I was able to stand on the supporting bar. Smart move...except that this time I chose to jump down. Um, not so smart. 5 feet down didn't seem like such a bad idea until I did it. Silly me

So, my house is filled with produce, some ready to eat, others not. I have learned a lot from my first year of gardening. Including lessons like I don't like to weed, cucumbers are hard to grow, and tomatoes can indeed be too much of a good thing.

another funeral week

A woman who was very loved in our church has died. She was a wonderful woman, and was the first person to welcome us to town when we moved here. Her daughter in law is a friend of mine. I'm just feeling sad. Not that she has died, because she was ready to die, in all sorts of ways - mentally, physically and spiritually ready. No, I'm more sad because her family will be missing her. There are some things to be worked out between her children, and some big feelings they will need to deal with. I'm sad that they will need to consider moving along without her, without the personality and spunk she brought to life.

I can only hope that when my time on this earth draws to an end that I am able to consider the end as not just the end, but a new beginning. That I may be gracious and loving right up to the end.

As well, selfishly and silly, I hope that someone will look at my life and who I was and miss me too.

hello/goodbye

Spent yesterday in the 'big city' while Rob had a clergy day. Actually, this city isn't the real big city, but it is a city. Was counting on a nicer day weather-wise. Toted about wet kids after we had some park time. I must really be far enough gone from Vancouver to not consider packing rain pants everywhere.

The main reason I tagged along for a loooonnnggg day on the road was the party at the Bishop's house that night. For starters, we don't get out to such things often. It's nice to do it, especially when there are no commitments holding us home, and we are still 'pre-snow'. As it is, I'm not a real big fan of night driving here - it's SO dark and isolated...aside from the animals one tries to avoid hitting. The other reason being that the party was partially held to say goodbye to a clergy family from our diocese.

Not just any clergy family though. This priest is particularly special to us, and is a part of our journey to get to (exactly) where we are today. He married us some 11 years ago, and was instrumental in nudging Rob and letting him know that the direction he was feeling led to head in wasn't all bad. His family was a part of our lives, way back when, and now they are leaving our cold, cold part of the world for somewhere else. I was so blessed to get to spend time with his wife, and chat about life back then, and life here and now. I had a huge shock when a good looking, tall, young man entered the house and I realized that this was indeed their youngest child. No longer age 6 and stomping about the church in rubber boots, carrying a stick, and telling himself stories, but all grown up. Crazy.

It was so lovely seeing G, P and L again. Sad to see them leaving, and I did tear up a bit when hugging them goodbye. We may not have seen them much since moving here - distance and all - but I will miss them. I wish them well in their new posting, and that their new posting would be a blessing to their family.

As an aside, the drive home was longer than anticipated because of serious fog. At least it was road-kill free. :)

the land of what??

I shared this story with a friend last night, and he found it very funny, so I thought I would share here.

On our travels the last few weeks, we went through the town of Tisdale, Saskatchewan. For those familiar with "Corner Gas", it's where the creator of the show, Brent Butt, is from. (by the way, Corner Gas is apparently going to be airing in the US on Superstation WGN starting Sept. 10. look for it and laugh about the province I live in...) Tisdale also used to be knows as Doghide, for the Doghide river that flows through town.

Anyhow, Tisdale is home to the "world's largest honeybee". I was hoping we would have time to stop and take a picture, but no luck. Tisdale, however, has the strangest "welcome to town" sign I have ever seen. You know how most towns have a "welcome to *town x*" sign, followed by a town motto. Things like "where the prairie meets the pine" or "industry - integrity - progress". Oh no, not Tisdale. Tisdale's motto is "the land of rape and honey". Well, doesn't that just make you want to stay home at night and keep your doors locked? Seriously?

Oh, and for the record, if you didn't know, rape is the old term for Canola. But seriously, if you can change the town name at some point in time, you could update the signs. Not everyone knows the old term for canola, and it is hardly a great tourism move to keep that motto, don't you think?

reflections on changes

I'm in the midst of doing late summer/early fall 'harvesting'. I've been working at doing things with my garden produce, which is rather plentiful, and other fruits/veggies on hand. I'm freezing 20 pounds of peaches tomorrow, and need to grate up yet another mammoth zucchini for the freezer. Today, I baked bread and cookies for Isaac's lunch box.

Such a change from when Rob and I married. Back then, I wasn't much of a cook at all. I could do basics - spaghetti, lasagna, hamburger helper. I didn't really have the ease in the kitchen that I now do. It's really easy for me to whip up something tasty, easy and healthy without much effort. I make my own pizza crust because I prefer it to store bought, not just for economic reasons. I prefer homemade bread to store bought. I'm doing things I never imagined I would be, and enjoying them.

Beyond just food though (although food is great!), I feel that I've changed so much over the last 10 years or so. I'm more confident about some things, less stressed about others. More capable at a lot of things, yet need to show the world my abilities less than I used to...I'm less demanding of the spotlight and attention. I guess in some ways I'm more grown up, more myself than I used to be.

Being a mom was a huge contributing factor to change, naturally. It's actually sad that there are parenting philosophies out there that promote the idea that parenting doesn't change you. It does - it needs to change you. Becoming a mother has changed so much of my heart and my mind, I can't imagine liking myself as much if I hadn't gone through the changes of parenthood. Not to say that non-parents aren't likeable ;) but that *I* really appreciate the refining and changing that being a mom has brought into my life. I do like parts of myself more...and am so much more aware of the parts that aren't so great - it's hard to hide those bits when dealing with small children all day. I'm rather aware of my shortcomings...which is also a good thing. Make them easier to reflect on, work on and deal with when you can't hide them as easily.

It just makes me wonder how much more change I will go through in the next 10 years. How much more different aspects of my personality will look in a decade or two. What events life will throw at me that will bring about change, facilitate change, or even force it.

I wonder how much the people around me have changed, would I see it in them like I see it in myself? Would they see it in me?

Have *you* changed? What brought change into your life?

whirlwind week

whew! It's been *such* a week. I can't believe it's almost September already. Isaac was at my mom's last week, and I headed down with the girls on Wednesday afternoon. Rob came down that night, as he needed the car in town, and had loose ends to tie up here with some funeral arrangements.

We shopped - yay for all the back to school sales. Kids are set for fall and into winter, barring any major growth spurts. We drank coffee - yay Starbucks at hand. We had a date - yay grandmothers. We even had a little road trip/overnighter. Rob had to be at an ordination service on the other side of the province on Friday night, and we ended up going together, taking Ruby along AND overnighting at J and D's place enroute. D is another priest in the diocese, and J is his lovely wife with some mad quilting skills. They have 2 lovely little boys, and it was so nice to have a (quick) visit with them. I hope we can return the favour some day for them.

Now, I'm all caught up in the blur of the last few days before Fall. Although, while driving home yesterday, I did see some trees with leaves in colours that weren't just green. :/ Then I also saw some geese flying south. Rather ominous, if you ask me.

Isaac is in bed, hopefully asleep. He's awfully excited about starting Kindergarten tomorrow. I'm kind of excited too, but more in that sick feeling in the tummy kind of way. I can't believe he's starting school. He's got the new backpack, fresh labels on all his stuff, and an outfit picked out already. I've just baked some muffins for the parent orientation thing tomorrow, and I think I'm just about as ready as I can be for that first day. I just hope it stops raining, rain makes for less than pretty first day pictures.

woo hoo - a date!

a lovely date with a handsome man...who just happens to be the man I'm married to. I got to wear a dress and makeup, and we strolled to the car and back holding hands. We don't do that often, so it's a real treat.

The babysitter was great too - all 3 kids were asleep when we got home. Thanks, mom.

Is there any sound in the world that sounds more like "summer at the lake" than the *thwack* of a screen door?

We had a lovely week and a bit vacation at a cabin "up at the lake" this past week. It was great, even though the weather was less than cooperative. It only rained one day, but was way too cold for August thankyouverymuch. I've never had to run space heaters so consistently in August before. At least the breezy days kept the bugs to a minimum.

Digging in sand, wading in cold water, watching your smallest child attempt and succeed at climbing that should be beyond her ability, some great ice cream, mini-golf, walks, Scrabble, coffee and conversation. What a great week. I am so thankful for the cabin loan.

Good thing I didn't fully succeed at burning it down....let's just say that Kristin had another little kitchen mishap involving a small grease fire in the oven. for the record, it cleaned up beautifully.

more stay at home thoughts

I've been struggling these days with wanting to be out of the house more. The idea of working again has been tempting some days. Then I realize how totally impractical it is. A week of working Vacation Bible School - only half days! - and I'm so beat, and my house is showing it. I've been gone from Ruby more than usual, and that's been hard too. I'm tired, and I can't imagine doing it every week. Throw in that we can't afford the daycare, and it would be so SO silly for me to consider working again. We've never had the option of having family care for our kids, and even here, where prices are cheaper, daycare costs would pretty much cancel out any salary I would earn.

My hat is off to women who are able to balance work and kids. It must be so hard.

Not to mention I've seen a couple of our local daycare workers in action. I'd rather my kids be with me, I know them and love them better than any daycare provider could. Some of these women I've observed have been really great with the kids, but I can't say the same for all of them. Not that they are horrible, they aren't. They aren't quite the same as mom, and that's a good reminder why I am home.

I can get over myself having a bad day at home, or feeling like I'm a touch bored from time to time. That's ok. I can deal. I also love not having to follow someone else's schedule for my time, and that is a HUGE plus. Some days, it's hard not to look at the "other side of the fence" and wonder what it would be like.

August blahs

There is something about August that always gives me a case of the 'blahs'. Maybe it's because the return of Fall is closer at hand. Could be because the days are getting shorter, and the evenings are often cooler - at least they were in BC. It just feels like summer goes by way too quickly, and this is the month where everything starts to get a bit brown (because we don't really 'do' lawn watering) and the crispness of Fall shows it's face. Last summer, we vacationed in August, but that really didn't change the blahs.

This August is no exception. My firstborn starts school in a matter of weeks. He's excited, and I'm of mixed emotions about it. I think the first day of school is the 28th. So soon, too soon. Starting Kindergarten introduces us to a whole new world. Not just school, and all that comes with it, but a new way for our family to be ruled by the calender. We worked our way around Rob's and my student days by following the semesters of school and I was so glad when that ended. Now, we're getting back into it. The school board puts out the dates of school, and we are supposed to play along. That puts a damper on impromptu trips to the city, or skipping out on stuff and having a pj day for all the kids. I don't like having to be tied to a schedule not of my own making.

I really want to do some serious decluttering and reorganizing. I want to have a yard sale and sell off all this baby stuff that is cluttering up my laundry room. I want to really clean out my kitchen cupboards. There just hasn't been TIME. Between the kids, things we have committed to this summer, the heat wave we've been in, and just enjoying life, it's not really been a possibility. Also, I just don't want to really DO it, because that would involve admitting that September is just around the corner. Sooner than I would like, these hot days and long sunsets will end and I'll be looking towards another loooong stretch of snow and cold.

See why I have the blahs?

Brilliant!

A woman I *know* (read: online) and respect has finally decided to compile some of her very wise words into a blog. It's about time.

Yes, I know what causes this, and we're good at it!

jumble of thoughts

Friend of mine in town here had her baby (girl) early this week. She was hoping to have her early, and did. Good news. Then, we got a call today that a member of Rob's extended family has died. Bad news. Also, the news that another extended family member is ill.

So often, it seems, that a birth and a death in people's lives tend to go hand in hand. Take Roo's birth, within a day of my grandmother's death. Richard (the family member who died) was actually our first visitor in our little home here. He leaves behind a wife and a teenaged son. A filmmaker by trade, he never got to finish his legacy project, the film about the family bishop.

Just another reminder that we can plan our lives out to the minute...but our plans are just that - plans. We don't get the final say on how things work out. We don't get to decide exactly how our lives play out. That reality doesn't take away our responsibility to make choices that set us up for good things - education, savings accounts, RRSP/RESP accounts, whatever. We can say dumb things like "I'll never live in Saskatchewan" to friends, and have them laugh at you a few years down the road while you pack moving boxes.

Do I know what life will look like in 2, 5, 10 years? Not really. I have my ideas, our dreams and thoughts...but we don't know for sure. A life-changing phone call is always a possibility. A diagnosis of something unexpected, or a strange bend in the road can sneak up on us at any time.

It's a very good reminder that we aren't in control. My slight control freak self doesn't like that thought, but it is a reality. However, knowing that God is in control, that brings peace. There is peace in knowing that when we are believers, that death here on earth isn't the end. That there is more to come. That is hopeful, encouraging and uplifting in the times that aren't quite so good.

I don't know where everyone's hearts lie, what the "state of their soul" is...but I do know that facing the harder times is easier to bear when you have hope in the one who created the world, sent his son, and brought eternal life. Amen for that!

guess whose brother was out to visit?

can you see the family resemblance?