This is quickly becoming a house of no naps. Day 2 that Norah is fighting sleep tooth and nail. It's painful, for all of us. If she doesn't nap, she is horribly cranky come 5 pm. Ruby needs to poop and isn't sleeping well right now. Isaac is tired too, and really needs a nap today. I need a nap - Ruby had a rougher night last night and I don't think I fell asleep until around 3.

I'm feeling really emotionally fragile right now. I need more sleep, even though I seem to be getting plenty. I'm easily irritated and snappy. I blew up at Rob last night over a whack of things. Dragging stuff up that totally wasn't relevant. I think I'm hovering on the edge of depression, but not quite sure what to do about it. I don't feel anywhere near bad enough to need meds, but I'm not totally coping well on my own either. I told Rob that I just didn't feel like myself and haven't felt like myself in ages. He claims that I don't seem different, but more changed - like one would expect given all our situational changes in the last 5 years. Since January 2001 we have moved house 4 times, including the big one eastward. I finished school, and worked, we did a couple of summers working at camp, Rob graduated and went into ministry. My grandmother died, I'm dealing with the junk of my parent's separation, most of my friends either moved away (or we did) I had a pretty serious car accident...and add in 3 kids to the mix. No wonder I feel out of things.

It's like I'm swimming underwater sometimes, and everything looks blurry. I can't remember how to focus, how to hold a conversation, how to make a friend, how it feels to have fun. Beyond the front doors of my house that is. Rob's worried that I'm blaming him for how things are in our lives right now. And really, to a point, I am. I told him as much. But really, I only blame him when he's not talking to me about stuff. When he's trying not to burden me with his stresses because he's trying to protect me and help me, that's when I'm most frustrated with him. But I don't want to be treated like I can't handle stuff. Sure, there are days I can't - we all have those days. I need him to involve me with his days - for goodness sake, I don't have anyone else to talk to! It's when him and I are being each other's best friends that everything else falls nicely into place.

Ok, enough rambling on about random thoughts. I'm currently hiding in the kitchen at the laptop. Both Isaac and Norah are in their rooms, not napping, but mostly quiet. It's close to a break. Ruby has nodded off and I've moved her to the bouncy seat. I'm blissfully free of children for a little while. Need to take advantage of that and get some cleaning done. This kitchen, which is driving me crazy because it's laid out in such an unworkable way, really needs me to give it a going over and re-working. Fun...