Ever time I drive by abandoned buildings, I wonder about them. Who lived there, what made them leave. I suspect that this house may still be in use of some sort...but when I pass it I just wonder about it's story, it's history.

Also, given it's very close proximity to the lake, I wonder how often it flooded.

Summer...ahh summer days

I love warm summer days. Especially in the shade, with a cool drink. I also love a good road trip on the perfect sunny day. Like yesterday.

Candice and her girls were actually up in this area (shocking since nobody comes up here). Since she was within a 2 hour drive, we decided to meet up for a picnic and playdate with the kids. It was the perfect day for a drive. Fluffy white clouds, huge blue sky, green everywhere....I must say that living here is really growing on me. It really can be beautiful around here, really.

We "harvested" our first handful of strawberries yesterday from the garden. The grass is so green, the big tree in the yard is giving the patio fabulous shade, the shasta daisies are attempting to take over the back garden bed. Near perfection! I should make some lemonade.

Instead, we're taking off. Heading to my mom's place in the city for a bit. Rob is taking a much needed Study Leave week and we're heading to the land of central air, just in time for what looks like a hot week here. Hoping for a fun week!

The last week here has been busy and fun...and occasionally muddy. Both of my daughters ended up rather muddy during my son's last t-ball game. One actually wiped out in the mud - mud from her toes to her shoulders, thankfully missing her hair! I missed his last game while figuring out how to get her home and clean without making the van a muddy mess pit.

We threw a totally impromptu "welcome summer" party on Saturday, including some great margaritas.

There was a big meeting at church on Wednesday night, and I'm hopeful for good to come from it. The following night, the hubby was at another big church-related meeting, and I'm cautiously excited by what the outcome may be.

Yet, while all this goes on, there is sadness. Sadness I cannot even begin to fathom. A woman I know on my mothering board experienced what could be described as the worst case scenario in birth over the last week. My heart just breaks for Amy and her family, and grieves the loss of little River.

Hold your little ones tighter tonight. I know I have.

How to know you live up North

11:18 pm last night. still not dark. Must be June.

June

where the heck did May go? Really - have you seen it?

Garden is planted.
Soccer is being played.
T-ball is being played.
Summer wardrobes are in dressers (ha! at least what I have of one. The kids have plenty)
Landscaping to recover from big dig out of '05 is done (yay! after a year of mud, and a year of settle, it's nice to have the front yard be less of an eyesore...aside from the dandelions)
Kids are growing.
Sun is up early, and retires late. It's finally warm and beautiful.
Summer is almost here.
Daughters have discovered show tunes. Mom is tired of My Fair Lady songs.
Mosquitoes are out in packs, I am itchy.
BBQ is in full use.

On a sadder note, please pray for a family from our town. If you haven't seen the post on my other blog, this is the story as I know it so far.

Crap

Today is not a stellar day. Today, I managed to really muck some things up. I'm assured by at least two people (one who was there, one who is married to me) that it's not quite as bad as I think...but I don't fully believe them. This was stupid, headstrong and foolish. I really hope I'm not right about long term damage, because this could be a big, big mess up if I am right.

As it is, I don't feel I have anything to apologize for, but I am embarrassed at how things went down. I really hope that this doesn't brand me as some crazy, impulsive preacher's wife.

blah

hm

There is a phone call I could make, maybe it's a should, maybe not. I'm not sure I want to though.

I've been really bad about phone calls lately. I just realized the other day that I missed calling on a friend's birthday because I wrote down the WRONG MONTH on the calendar. oops. I'm slow to return calls, I'm even slower to initiate calls too. Life is flying by these days, and the pace I'm running at isn't helping.

Back to the phone call though. I'm not really sure what to say. Maybe I just need a nudge or something.

rabid squirrels and suicidal birds

I got home on Sunday from a trip to camp. I was running the Counselor Training weekend (which went very well, I think. At least the evaluation forms the kids filled out indicated they enjoyed it). Rob was busy with work stuff this weekend, so my mom came up with me to be child care. What better way to spend the May long weekend.

Well, did I ever get freaked out. There was a doctor there who asked to share some things with the teens about potential health issues that could arise. You know, things like leeches, ticks, mouse pee, tetanus and rabies. Yes, rabies. Not from bats, mind you, but squirrels and raccoons. I've yet to even see a raccoon since moving away from Vancouver, but I have seen squirrels. Note to self: they may look cute and cuddly, but they are a nasty vermin that could attack at any time. Don't check for foaming at the mouth, just walk away when you see one. You've been warned.

Lucky me had a series of back muscle spasms while I was up at camp - the last time that happened was at Permie training weekend the year oldest kid was a newborn. Fun times...ouch! I'm still hurting from it too, and hoping it feels better soon.

I gave one of the teens a ride home. She lives in our town, and has been affiliated with our church in the past. Really nice girl. We were having a lovely chat about the pros of vegetarian diets, and the evils of commercial farming when we were attacked by the suicidal bird. Ok, perhaps attacked is a strong word. There was a bird, I think it was some kind of duck on the highway. It saw the van, started flapping it's wings and ran right into us. I really did try to avoid hitting it, but it still managed to get itself smoshed under the front wheels of the van. Icky, and somewhat ironic. Thememory of the sound of the bird hitting the van still gives me the shivers.

painted into a corner

We had a basement leak last week. On the boy's birthday eve to be precise. Somewhere between 4 and 6 pm, our sump pump stopped sumping, or pumping, or whatever it does. It was icky, and brought me back very vivid flashbacks to 2005.

Anyhow, it wasn't much water, nothing damaged, all is well. As part of the clean up, we rented a steam cleaner for the downstairs carpets. While we had the cleaner (which was mostly the hubby's idea to do that day, yet I did all the steaming and cleaning - go figure), I thought it might be good to do the couches too.

Never to be one to do something halfway, I steamed and cleaned like mad. I worked my way through our couches, and just kept going.

It was about half way through the basement carpets that I realized that I had just steam cleaned every seat in the house. All of our upholstered dining chairs, all the furniture, everything. Good timing on our part that the church beef supper was the same night, or we would have been picnicking in the (windy) yard.

Some days, my sheer blondness astounds me.

she will be the death of me

Middle child is going to do me in. Seriously.

Went to a birthday party at the pool today. All three kids, along with the hubby. We swam and splashed and had fun. Then, the hubby decided to take the boy out to the deeper water for a bit to swim out there. All good. Until middle child got out of the toddler section of the pool. She walked around the deck and *jumped in the other part of the pool*. You know, where it's a meter deep? And she's only a couple of inches taller than a meter. (yes, I'm aware that I'm switching between metric and imperial measurement here) It all happened in slow motion, I had to run through the water, leaving the little one behind, to get DH to pull that girl out of the water. She has no fear, and that's both fun and scary.

The hubby said to me today "you know, we will never have to be telling that child that just because all her friends are bungee jumping doesn't mean she has to. Odds are, she will be the first one off the cliff". It's true.

It was great to see some other moms (and kids too!) I haven't seen in a while. Fun party, once my heart started beating again.

Spring

Spring hovers in the air, inching it's way forward each day. Step by step. Every morning a touch warmer, every day the snow retreating backwards, exposing the muddy earth beneath. There is optimism in Spring, hints at new life. As the ground awakens from it's 6 months of snowy cover, there are new smells in the air. Fresh sounds on the streets. The snowmobiles go into storage, and the motorcycles come out to play. Evenings stretch out longer, mornings begin earlier. The sun rise moves from it's mid-December 9:30 am to a much more pleasant 6:30 arrival.

Spring brings mud. In the van, in the front door, on the boots. The low spot in the yard is right under the swing set, where small children like to jump, splash and sit. Boots fill up with water and sand, splash pants become necessary, snow suits go into hiding for another year. There is optimism in the air as heavy winter gear moves to the basement. As the birds make their return Northward. As we ponder the wondrous idea that we may be seeing the last of Winter, finally.

Hallelujah!

potential problem

My kids have a current favorite author. Mo Willems. His "Pigeon" is one of the funniest characters going. They quote lines from "The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog" at the dinner table. They have turned a small stuffed bunny into their Knuffle Bunny. Trixie is a child they can empathize with. They find Reginald Von HoobieDoobie to be a sad figure, until his eventual redemption. 80% of us even have t-shirts featuring characters (can you guess which ones, and who has them?)

The thing is, Pigeon has a new book out. Released on April 1. I'd love to get my hands on it...however, there is a potential issue here.

The Pigeon Wants a Puppy.

Guess what?

So does my middle child.

Would I be able to resist? I have always maintained that there will be no dogs in this house until all the children are housebroken (preferably before the house gets broken *wink*) That day will soon be here, and I need a new reason not to get a dog. I like dogs, I just don't want one right now.

stoopit gas

Gas prices are just getting so high. Blah.

Dumb Toronto, paying less than us.

I'm now cranky with Toronto.

Like I needed another reason to dislike Toronto.

Besides, their dumb hockey team isn't even grammatically correct. The Maple Leafs. Come ON.

Why?

why are kids so loud when you want to talk on the phone?
why does my kitchen get so messy when I'm still "cleaning as I go"?
why do I wake up 20 minutes before my alarm when I really want to milk every precious minute of sleep?
why is it still snowing?

and to throw another couple of questions into the mix
when should I wash my van? it's dirty, but I don't want to wash it to get it all muddy again
what should I do with my hair? it's time for a cut, past time for a cut actually.

I pay for this?

This is Jesse. The trainer. In his Christmas gift from Melissa and I. You call yourself the Pain Fariy, even once, and you are just asking for a costume.


He's back in my life again. He was out of the country for almost 2 months, but he's back. I'm sore. He was making us do something on Thursday morning that I'm still feeling today. Told me I could do it. Called me a whiner. I was just tempted to whack him on the head with the pair of 12 pound weights.

I didn't. Such restraint.

pondering

Summer vacation time is still months away, but we're pondering our options.

It sounds as though we are going to have friends from the East out in July. I can't wait for that, haven't seen them in 3 years. Their two younger girls are our Goddaughters, and we've never even met the youngest! Last time we saw them, I was expecting R and not even showing yet.

Camp is an option, depending on dates. Although the week I'd really like to do is probably when we'd be away, if we go.

Perhaps some time at the lake, if the timing lines up. Camping out at the cabin would be so much fun.

Vacation Bible school could happen too.

Our big discussion is about going to Vancouver. I'm kind of torn. I'd love to really get out of town for a while, for more than just going to my moms. I'd love to see some people out West. I'd love to build in a mini-trip to Seattle too, and I know at least two people down there would love to meet up. The kids would love to see all of their cousins again, and there is extended family to visit, and a new cousin to meet (my cousin's second child).

On the other hand, I'll pretty much have to sacrifice my garden if we go. I can plant pumpkins and sunflowers, and maybe peppers and hope for no frost before we get home. Maybe carrots too. NO zucchini, unless we plant and use them up before we go. I do not want to come home to a 100lb zuke. No way. I also like the comfort of home. For as long as we would go out West, it's a long time away. Not to even start in on the price of gas, and how much it would cost to take a family of 5 out to fun places like the Aquarium or Science World.

hmm, so much to think about. any suggestions?

ups and downs

Ups

- new beds for the girls, and picked up in the city by a friend, so no travel involved!

- my mom up to visit here

- my mom taking N back to her place for 2 days, and that N missed us

- days where the temperature hovers around freezing, bringing the sound of dripping water, hinting at spring

- kids able to play outside for a good stretch of time

- getting the girl's room nearly finished

- easy naps for R in the new bed

Downs

- I being upset that it wasn't his turn to go to Nanny's for a couple of days. His tear-filled eyes were heartbreaking

- new beds not quite fitting in the bedroom as anticipated. a 9 x 11 room is tight for two.

- not being able to find a good shelf for the girl's room, anywhere in town

- knowing that Rob will be super busy and out and about this week

- easy naps in the new bed were just a phase until big sister came home - like I didn't see that one coming.

- the handle of one of my pots breaking off. 10 year warranty, this is year 11.5.

- knowing that these warm temperatures are just a tease, and spring is still too far away

I'm currently reading this book on modern motherhood. I'm really, really enjoying it. A lot.


So many great thoughts about mommy guilt, stress, expectations, judgment....can't even sum them all up. This book has really generated a lot of thoughts in my head.

I really believe that motherhood is such an important job, yet we receive so little training for it. There are no licenses to apply for, no tests to take, no demerit points handed out, it just happens. Nobody prepares you for how draining it can be, how challenging, how stressful...or how lonely it is.

I've really found the whole mommy thing isolating, overall. Timing is often everything. Rob and I were in a time of transition in many ways when we were pregnant with our first. There were disruptions, moves (even in the same city, but into different neighborhoods), the fact that my only established friend who was also in the "baby zone" at the same time as me moved out of the area. It all compounded. Previous friends weren't on the mommy track at that time with me, and, well, our lives changed a lot after the boy was born. I didn't know how to reach out or ask for help, support and love, and really really could have used some.

Then the whirlwind of the 3 years from the arrival of daughter #1, large move, followed by pregnancy with daughter #2, and the blur of the first year or so with three children. Days I'm in no rush to repeat. At all. Hard days. Torn between wanting to establish myself here, and trying (and mainly failing) to make friends in a new town, and missing what was "home". Yet really failing at being able to maintain things there too. Which isn't fully all my fault either. Some days, I really wonder where I went wrong.

However, I know that I'm doing ok. I'm mostly a pretty good mom. I have it together more often than I don't...I think. (then again, simply by typing that sentence, I've pretty much guaranteed myself a crappy day tomorrow*wink* ) I love my kids, love them so much it hurts sometimes. Want to do the best for them, and be the mom they need and deserve. It's just so hard to cut yourself some "mommy slack" some days. It's just so hard being the mom some days - there is pressure to get it right, to do the right thing, to not mess them up so badly they will spend a fortune on therapy. It's a heavy burden, and we shouldn't try to carry it alone.

So how do you set up a mommy support? I've got a couple of long distance phone call friends, some on-line friends, some who fall into both categories, and I'm working on establishing some real life friendships too. It's just so hard to find the "right" people to feel comfortable and safe enough with to be vulnerable with. So hard.

tagged!

From Emily's blog

The Rules:-

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)

Find Page 123.

Find the first 5 sentences.

Post the next 3 sentences.

Tag 5 people.

"I was nervous at first but it worked like a dream. I kept my part of the bargain: I stayed out of his way and was very polite to him when I was in his company. Mum asked me, did I like him and I opened my eyes very wide, which is a good thing to do if you're telling something not exactly true, and I said I thought Kent was just find and Mum said I was a good son, a very good son indeed, and her eyes got watery so I took myself off."

From Maeve Binchy's Whitethorn Woods

I tag : Billie, Bonnie, Magan, Monika and Teri

in case anyone needs a brush-up on babies

if you need a refresher course on baby care, please check this link out.

you may learn something important.

or you may laugh really hard.

perhaps both.