I'm currently reading this book on modern motherhood. I'm really, really enjoying it. A lot.


So many great thoughts about mommy guilt, stress, expectations, judgment....can't even sum them all up. This book has really generated a lot of thoughts in my head.

I really believe that motherhood is such an important job, yet we receive so little training for it. There are no licenses to apply for, no tests to take, no demerit points handed out, it just happens. Nobody prepares you for how draining it can be, how challenging, how stressful...or how lonely it is.

I've really found the whole mommy thing isolating, overall. Timing is often everything. Rob and I were in a time of transition in many ways when we were pregnant with our first. There were disruptions, moves (even in the same city, but into different neighborhoods), the fact that my only established friend who was also in the "baby zone" at the same time as me moved out of the area. It all compounded. Previous friends weren't on the mommy track at that time with me, and, well, our lives changed a lot after the boy was born. I didn't know how to reach out or ask for help, support and love, and really really could have used some.

Then the whirlwind of the 3 years from the arrival of daughter #1, large move, followed by pregnancy with daughter #2, and the blur of the first year or so with three children. Days I'm in no rush to repeat. At all. Hard days. Torn between wanting to establish myself here, and trying (and mainly failing) to make friends in a new town, and missing what was "home". Yet really failing at being able to maintain things there too. Which isn't fully all my fault either. Some days, I really wonder where I went wrong.

However, I know that I'm doing ok. I'm mostly a pretty good mom. I have it together more often than I don't...I think. (then again, simply by typing that sentence, I've pretty much guaranteed myself a crappy day tomorrow*wink* ) I love my kids, love them so much it hurts sometimes. Want to do the best for them, and be the mom they need and deserve. It's just so hard to cut yourself some "mommy slack" some days. It's just so hard being the mom some days - there is pressure to get it right, to do the right thing, to not mess them up so badly they will spend a fortune on therapy. It's a heavy burden, and we shouldn't try to carry it alone.

So how do you set up a mommy support? I've got a couple of long distance phone call friends, some on-line friends, some who fall into both categories, and I'm working on establishing some real life friendships too. It's just so hard to find the "right" people to feel comfortable and safe enough with to be vulnerable with. So hard.