mommy hats and art

Last night, there was an arts evening here in town. Free admission, wine and cheese, and local artists displaying their artwork. It was a wonderful evening to go out to.

I know that I've been feeling really inspired lately to do something artistic. Photography, painting, I don't quite know what. I'm just feeling a need to express myself more creatively. Seeing the art last night was inspiring, and encouraging to me to nurture that creative spark within. The question is more how, though.

I had a couple of great conversations there too. About random things, pretty paintings, if the woman who did the beautiful stained glass would notice if we stole it (kidding, kidding). I ran into a woman that I'm developing a friendship with (J), and we had a really lovely talk. Beyond basic things like what our kids were doing, and mom stuff, but about bigger things. Like how it's so easy to "wear hats". The hat of being my kids mom, of being my husband's wife. How easy it is to become known as who part of who we are related to as opposed to who we are. The expectations placed on us by being someone's wife - especially when one's husband works in an area where *your* knowledge is assumed to exist because of *his* work, something both J and I deal with as pastor and farmer wives. The strangeness of not really feeling like your personality, your choices are fully your own as a stay at home mom. The struggle to remember what else defined you before children.

Through that discussion, it was so very nice to know that I'm not the only woman struggling with the same concerns. I'm not the only mom who wonders where *she* went some days. I'm not the only mom who sometimes realizes that days have gone by without much meaningful adult conversation. I'm not the only woman who wants to be known for who she is instead of who she is connected to.

It's not that I don't want to be Rob's wife, or the kids' mom. I want to be Kristin. Kristin who is the wife and mother...but is also the woman. I'm more than the sum of the 'family parts' around me, even on days it doesn't feel like it. To a certain extent, I know I can't escape it, but I don't have to define myself that way either. My brain hasn't atrophied since giving birth, even if it's harder to express a coherent thought some days. Yes, parenting and it's choices are a bit thing I think and talk about - can't avoid it, as it is a large part of my daily life, but it's not the only thing I think about.

I just really enjoyed fleshing some of that out with another mom who is in the same place, we walk in similar shoes...or would that be drive similar vans?

Maybe I just need to pull out my paints and let my mind wander.