"Getting away from your kids"

This is an issue that comes up frequently on my "motherboard". It's also one I hear about rather frequently in my life. The *need* to get away from your kids.

I don't really agree with it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love to have my *me* time in the day. The time when the kids nap/have quiet time in the afternoon. The post-bedtime hours when I don't have to be 'mom on call'. When I'm at the pool for aquafit classes, or step out without the kids to get my haircut. I love that time, time to recharge my brain, to talk to other adults, to not negotiate who has the next turn on the trampoline or who wants their apple cut into slices. I also have a totally fantastic and competent husband who is an amazing father and is able to parent when I'm not around.

I don't get the need to leave tiny children for extended periods, or when they are in needy stages to get away. I could give specifics of people I know who have made choices that I wouldn't have made by leaving little children/babies for too long or too early for my liking...but that wouldn't be kind. They aren't my choices or my children.

Thing is, they are my children. They are my responsibility, and it's me (or Rob) that they want and need. Why deny them that when they are so little? Yes, I need *me* time, but I won't take it at the expense of my children. Not when I have a nursling who wakes at night and doesn't (by choice or by chance) take a bottle, or a toddler who is dealing with separation anxiety. I don't need to leave tiny children for a week to laze on a beach somewhere and connect with my husband to make our marriage better. I just don't. And I don't understand those who do. I don't.

I find that there are many, many opportunities to connect with my husband, without needing to rush out for weekends away. We can have romantic moments at home, with the little ones sleeping in the next room - we don't have to pass them off to extended family to care for while we do what we want to do. We can still *date* in the comfort of our own home and have it be enough to keep our marriage fires burning. Because our children are little and need us - right now. This phase is short, and it goes so quickly, I'm not willing to compromise it for my own desires.

My oldest child is almost 5, and he does weekends away at my mom's. He is ready for that. He can handle the separation and looks forward to those times. Nothing got him ready for that kind of separation but time. He wouldn't have done so well with that kind of thing at 4, 10, 18 months. Now he's happy to spend a couple of nights away, and we're happy to have him go. He isn't sad when we are separated, but we all miss each other...but we know that it isn't for long. He's old enough to understand that we will be coming back. That's a skill that our 14 month old doesn't have yet, or even our 2 year old.

I guess what I don't fully understand is the need to push our children into being 'independant' before they are ready to be. We won't produce children who are 'too attached' or 'coddled' by being there for them when they need it - quite the opposite, in fact. Tiny ones need the stability of mom (and/or dad) in those first couple of years. Nursing babies shouldn't have to 'just take a bottle' for the convienence of mom's social life. These are things I have been told I should do...often by those who don't have children. ;) I don't need to leave my children for extended periods to take care of myself. That's not something I'm willing to do. Not yet. The time will come when taking a weekend away is totally feasible. I'm not willing to push my children 'into independance' to see it happen.