I just want to go back to bed today. I hate making the effort to get out. I hate trying and running into brick walls. I'm so ready to just give up. Seriously. This town is sucking my will to live, slowly suffocating me.
My morning:
take Isaac to preschool
after much preparing, and last minute nursing, take the girls grocery shopping
run home and drop off perishables
pick up Isaac from preschool (and ponder how much more I would get done if he was in a 3 hour class instead of 2)
take all 3 kids to playgroup....where I hit the wall of silence. I can't seem to engage anyone in conversation past "how old is your baby?" or "can you pass me the glue please". That's about all I get. I try, really I do. I even talked to a woman today who is practially my nieghbour, but got shut down pretty quickly. One mom there, who was with her 2 youngest of 4, said to me "I remember how hard it is getting out here with 3 little ones. I always felt like crying afterwards". my response? "yep, I feel like that a lot. 3 kids this age is very isolating" - said as I am almost in tears. "bye, see you next time" Well, that was promising, I think. At least she noticed I was there. I just hate this. I hate feeling like I'm not speaking the language here, like I cant' fit in no matter how hard I try.
I just want to leave. Move with the kids to a city. Seriously. I can't handle this isolation. I'm so freaking lonely. My kids don't really have friends either. Norah has a birthday in 2 weeks, and I can barely think of anyone I could invite to a party. I'm just sad. Sad.
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3 comments:
Kristin, I wish I could be there to give you a hug right now and tell you in person how much you are loved and missed here and how wonderful a friend, wife and mother you really are. Love you lots and miss you. (((hugs)))
I wish I could be there too. B would love to go to N's party. And I would, too.
Me! Me!
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